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In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

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The Types of Husbands

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In the hadith of Umm Zar'

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Umm Zar' and the Bliss of Life

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Then came the turn of Umm Zar',

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and she was the last of them to speak.

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She was the one who elaborated the most on her life with her husband,

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and her words are not devoid of reflecting women's inherent nature

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in concealing certain realities

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and highlighting certain matters.

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This is a word of advice for every man who strives to resolve marital disputes:

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he must pay attention to this reality present in most women,

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except for those upon whom my Lord has mercy.

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Thus, he should not rely solely on her words

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and pass judgment without deliberation, scrutiny, or listening to her husband

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or the one she is complaining about.

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I leave you, noble husband, to contemplate the words of Umm Zar',

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so that you may deduce for yourself

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what Umm Zar' concealed from the women

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in her lengthy account about herself and her husband.

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Umm Zar' said:

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"My husband was Abu Zar',

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and what a man Abu Zar' was!

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He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments,

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plumped the flesh of my upper arms,

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brought me joy,

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and made me pleased with myself.

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He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain,

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and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels,

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threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest.

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In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled;

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I sleep until the morning is well advanced;

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and I drink until I am fully satisfied.

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And what of the mother of Abu Zar'!

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What a woman the mother of Abu Zar' was!

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Her storage bags are plump and spacious,

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and her house is grand and ample.

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And what of the son of Abu Zar'!

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What a youth the son of Abu Zar' was!

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His bed is as slender as a peeled palm branch,

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and he is satisfied with the foreleg of a four-month-old kid.

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And what of the daughter of Abu Zar'!

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What a lady the daughter of Abu Zar' was!

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Obedient to her father, compliant to her mother,

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filling her gown generously, and the envy of her fellow women.

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And what of the maidservant of Abu Zar'!

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What a servant the maidservant of Abu Zar' was!

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She never divulges our secrets abroad,

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nor does she waste our provisions or hoard them away,

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nor does she leave our house littered with refuse."

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She continued:

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"Abu Zar' once went out

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while the milk-skins were being churned,

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and he met a woman with two sons of hers who were like two cheetahs,

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playing from beneath her waist with two pomegranates.

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So he divorced me and married her.

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After him, I married an honorable, noble man,

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who rode a spirited steed,

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brandished a fine spear,

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drove rich livestock home to me at dusk,

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and gave me a pair of every type of grazing animal,

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saying:

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'Eat, Umm Zar', and provide for your kin.'

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Yet," she said,

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"if I were to gather everything he gave me,

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it would not fill the smallest vessel of Abu Zar'!"

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This was Umm Zar's account of her husband, Abu Zar'.

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From this narrative of hers,

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we realize the immense scale of praise she bestowed upon Abu Zar',

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and we can infer with utmost clarity

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the greatness of her love for him

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and the intensity of her attachment to him—

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indeed, her love for everything connected to him:

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his mother, his son, his daughter,

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and even his maidservant.

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But did you notice, my noble brother and husband,

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that she was speaking about the man who divorced her,

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not her current husband?

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The women who sat in that gathering

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had pledged and bound themselves by an oath

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not to conceal anything regarding their husbands.

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So did Umm Zar' speak about her husband?

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Yes, she did speak about him;

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however, she did not find in her second husband—

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who had showered her with diverse bounties—

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anything to boast of before the women in that gathering.

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Rather, she belittled all the good he gave her,

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and turned her attention back to the one who had divorced her,

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boasting of him among the women.

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What had Abu Zar' done for her

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to earn such intense devotion?

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How did she repay the kindness Abu Zar' showed her?

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Why did she lose him when he saw another woman?

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And what did he see in that other woman that led him to replace her?

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Perhaps, my dear brother and husband, and my dear sister and wife,

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we might delve into the details of the life of Umm Zar'

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with Abu Zar' throughout these episodes,

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in the hope that we find a satisfying answer

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to these questions.

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First:

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The luxury in which Umm Zar' lived.

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Umm Zar' said, describing the bliss

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in which Abu Zar' had her live:

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"He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments,

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plumped the flesh of my upper arms,

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and brought me joy, making me pleased with myself.

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He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain,

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and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels,

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threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest.

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In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled;

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I sleep until the morning is well advanced;

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and I drink until I am fully satisfied."

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The luxurious life that Umm Zar' enjoyed

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with Abu Zar' encompassed several beautiful dimensions,

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the first of which was:

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He adorned her with jewelry.

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She said, "He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments."

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Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"She means he adorned me with earrings and pendants

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that swayed from my ears."

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And al-naws

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denotes the swaying motion of anything suspended.

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That is to say, he adorned her with gold,

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which is among the most important adornments for women

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and one of the things that brings them the greatest joy;

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every woman loves gold

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and takes pride in wearing it before other women.

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Second: he plumped her body.

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She said, "and plumped the flesh of my upper arms."

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Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"She did not mean the upper arms in particular;

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rather, she meant her entire body.

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She is saying that he fattened her through his benevolent care of her,

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for when the upper arms grow plump, the rest of the body grows plump as well."

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Meaning, he caused her to flourish through his generous care of her,

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and such healthy fullness does not come amidst worries and troubles;

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rather, it comes with happiness and prosperity.

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Third:

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He filled her life with joy and delight.

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She said, "and brought me joy, making me pleased with myself."

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Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"Meaning, he made me joyful, so I rejoiced."

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Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"She described him as having treated her with excellence,

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adorned her, made her life comfortable,

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nourished her, and allowed her to see happiness in all her circumstances."

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Fourth: he elevated her from hardship to luxury.

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She said, "He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain,

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and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels, threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest."

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Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"Her saying, 'and brought me to owners of neighing horses and groaning camels,'

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means that he brought me to his family,

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and they were owners of horses and camels;

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for sahil refers to the neighing of horses, and atit refers to the groaning cries of camels."

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Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"She described him as having transferred her from the hardship of her family's livelihood

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and their bare subsistence upon their small flock of sheep

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to a people of wealth and vast possessions:

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horses, camels, camel-litters, cultivated crops, cattle,

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working draft beasts, slaves, servants,

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implements for winnowing and refining food,

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processing it, abundant livestock,

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and birds fattened for eating.

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That is because owners of sheep live in hardship or bare sufficiency,

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lacking great wealth.

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Thus, she made known her transition from that state to this one,

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and the opulence of her life with the milk and meat of these herds

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and other kinds of food,

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particularly through her allusion to what is threshed and winnowed, meaning bread.

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Bread was the most refined food of the Arabs and their most cherished sustenance,

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as none among them could obtain it except those of immense wealth

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or those living close to cultivated lands and towns;

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otherwise, the vast majority of their food

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consisted solely of meat, milk, and dates,

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as their poetry clearly indicates."

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Fifth: Abu Zar's doting pampering of her.

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She was thoroughly pampered in his care,

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never having to do anything that would fatigue her,

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to the extent that Umm Zar' described this pampering by saying:

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"In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled;

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I sleep until the morning is well advanced;

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and I drink until I am fully satisfied."

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Abu al-'Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"Her statement, 'I sleep until the morning is well advanced,'

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means: I prolong my sleep until late morning;

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no one wakes her up because she is honored,

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spared all domestic chores and labor."

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'Abd al-'Aziz al-Rajihi said:

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"She says that she held absolute authority in his household;

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she speaks and no one rejects her words,

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and she rests well into the morning—

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meaning she sleeps late into the morning daylight,

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because she has servants who suffice her of all chores,

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unlike a woman who has no servants to serve her,

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who must rise early in the morning to work in the house.

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Furthermore, she drinks and quenches her thirst,

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attaining complete satisfaction as she pleases.

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Thus, she praises her husband

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by granting her comfort and giving her everything she desired,

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and conferring absolute authority upon her,

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so that she could speak as she wished,

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eat whatever she wished,

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drink whatever she wished,

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and sleep however she pleased,

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with all her needs fully provided for.

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The luxury and pampering that Abu Zar' provided for Umm Zar'

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bear clear testimony to his immense love for her

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and the nobility of his character.

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So, how did Umm Zar' respond

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to this luxury and affectionate pampering?

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We shall continue in our next gathering, if Allah wills.

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And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.