In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
The Types of Husbands
In the hadith of Umm Zar'
Umm Zar' and the Bliss of Life
Then came the turn of Umm Zar',
and she was the last of them to speak.
She was the one who elaborated the most on her life with her husband,
and her words are not devoid of reflecting women's inherent nature
in concealing certain realities
and highlighting certain matters.
This is a word of advice for every man who strives to resolve marital disputes:
he must pay attention to this reality present in most women,
except for those upon whom my Lord has mercy.
Thus, he should not rely solely on her words
and pass judgment without deliberation, scrutiny, or listening to her husband
or the one she is complaining about.
I leave you, noble husband, to contemplate the words of Umm Zar',
so that you may deduce for yourself
what Umm Zar' concealed from the women
in her lengthy account about herself and her husband.
Umm Zar' said:
"My husband was Abu Zar',
and what a man Abu Zar' was!
He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments,
plumped the flesh of my upper arms,
brought me joy,
and made me pleased with myself.
He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain,
and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels,
threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest.
In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled;
I sleep until the morning is well advanced;
and I drink until I am fully satisfied.
And what of the mother of Abu Zar'!
What a woman the mother of Abu Zar' was!
Her storage bags are plump and spacious,
and her house is grand and ample.
And what of the son of Abu Zar'!
What a youth the son of Abu Zar' was!
His bed is as slender as a peeled palm branch,
and he is satisfied with the foreleg of a four-month-old kid.
And what of the daughter of Abu Zar'!
What a lady the daughter of Abu Zar' was!
Obedient to her father, compliant to her mother,
filling her gown generously, and the envy of her fellow women.
And what of the maidservant of Abu Zar'!
What a servant the maidservant of Abu Zar' was!
She never divulges our secrets abroad,
nor does she waste our provisions or hoard them away,
nor does she leave our house littered with refuse."
She continued:
"Abu Zar' once went out
while the milk-skins were being churned,
and he met a woman with two sons of hers who were like two cheetahs,
playing from beneath her waist with two pomegranates.
So he divorced me and married her.
After him, I married an honorable, noble man,
who rode a spirited steed,
brandished a fine spear,
drove rich livestock home to me at dusk,
and gave me a pair of every type of grazing animal,
saying:
'Eat, Umm Zar', and provide for your kin.'
Yet," she said,
"if I were to gather everything he gave me,
it would not fill the smallest vessel of Abu Zar'!"
This was Umm Zar's account of her husband, Abu Zar'.
From this narrative of hers,
we realize the immense scale of praise she bestowed upon Abu Zar',
and we can infer with utmost clarity
the greatness of her love for him
and the intensity of her attachment to him—
indeed, her love for everything connected to him:
his mother, his son, his daughter,
and even his maidservant.
But did you notice, my noble brother and husband,
that she was speaking about the man who divorced her,
not her current husband?
The women who sat in that gathering
had pledged and bound themselves by an oath
not to conceal anything regarding their husbands.
So did Umm Zar' speak about her husband?
Yes, she did speak about him;
however, she did not find in her second husband—
who had showered her with diverse bounties—
anything to boast of before the women in that gathering.
Rather, she belittled all the good he gave her,
and turned her attention back to the one who had divorced her,
boasting of him among the women.
What had Abu Zar' done for her
to earn such intense devotion?
How did she repay the kindness Abu Zar' showed her?
Why did she lose him when he saw another woman?
And what did he see in that other woman that led him to replace her?
Perhaps, my dear brother and husband, and my dear sister and wife,
we might delve into the details of the life of Umm Zar'
with Abu Zar' throughout these episodes,
in the hope that we find a satisfying answer
to these questions.
First:
The luxury in which Umm Zar' lived.
Umm Zar' said, describing the bliss
in which Abu Zar' had her live:
"He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments,
plumped the flesh of my upper arms,
and brought me joy, making me pleased with myself.
He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain,
and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels,
threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest.
In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled;
I sleep until the morning is well advanced;
and I drink until I am fully satisfied."
The luxurious life that Umm Zar' enjoyed
with Abu Zar' encompassed several beautiful dimensions,
the first of which was:
He adorned her with jewelry.
She said, "He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments."
Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"She means he adorned me with earrings and pendants
that swayed from my ears."
And al-naws
denotes the swaying motion of anything suspended.
That is to say, he adorned her with gold,
which is among the most important adornments for women
and one of the things that brings them the greatest joy;
every woman loves gold
and takes pride in wearing it before other women.
Second: he plumped her body.
She said, "and plumped the flesh of my upper arms."
Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"She did not mean the upper arms in particular;
rather, she meant her entire body.
She is saying that he fattened her through his benevolent care of her,
for when the upper arms grow plump, the rest of the body grows plump as well."
Meaning, he caused her to flourish through his generous care of her,
and such healthy fullness does not come amidst worries and troubles;
rather, it comes with happiness and prosperity.
Third:
He filled her life with joy and delight.
She said, "and brought me joy, making me pleased with myself."
Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"Meaning, he made me joyful, so I rejoiced."
Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"She described him as having treated her with excellence,
adorned her, made her life comfortable,
nourished her, and allowed her to see happiness in all her circumstances."
Fourth: he elevated her from hardship to luxury.
She said, "He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain,
and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels, threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest."
Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"Her saying, 'and brought me to owners of neighing horses and groaning camels,'
means that he brought me to his family,
and they were owners of horses and camels;
for sahil refers to the neighing of horses, and atit refers to the groaning cries of camels."
Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"She described him as having transferred her from the hardship of her family's livelihood
and their bare subsistence upon their small flock of sheep
to a people of wealth and vast possessions:
horses, camels, camel-litters, cultivated crops, cattle,
working draft beasts, slaves, servants,
implements for winnowing and refining food,
processing it, abundant livestock,
and birds fattened for eating.
That is because owners of sheep live in hardship or bare sufficiency,
lacking great wealth.
Thus, she made known her transition from that state to this one,
and the opulence of her life with the milk and meat of these herds
and other kinds of food,
particularly through her allusion to what is threshed and winnowed, meaning bread.
Bread was the most refined food of the Arabs and their most cherished sustenance,
as none among them could obtain it except those of immense wealth
or those living close to cultivated lands and towns;
otherwise, the vast majority of their food
consisted solely of meat, milk, and dates,
as their poetry clearly indicates."
Fifth: Abu Zar's doting pampering of her.
She was thoroughly pampered in his care,
never having to do anything that would fatigue her,
to the extent that Umm Zar' described this pampering by saying:
"In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled;
I sleep until the morning is well advanced;
and I drink until I am fully satisfied."
Abu al-'Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"Her statement, 'I sleep until the morning is well advanced,'
means: I prolong my sleep until late morning;
no one wakes her up because she is honored,
spared all domestic chores and labor."
'Abd al-'Aziz al-Rajihi said:
"She says that she held absolute authority in his household;
she speaks and no one rejects her words,
and she rests well into the morning—
meaning she sleeps late into the morning daylight,
because she has servants who suffice her of all chores,
unlike a woman who has no servants to serve her,
who must rise early in the morning to work in the house.
Furthermore, she drinks and quenches her thirst,
attaining complete satisfaction as she pleases.
Thus, she praises her husband
by granting her comfort and giving her everything she desired,
and conferring absolute authority upon her,
so that she could speak as she wished,
eat whatever she wished,
drink whatever she wished,
and sleep however she pleased,
with all her needs fully provided for.
The luxury and pampering that Abu Zar' provided for Umm Zar'
bear clear testimony to his immense love for her
and the nobility of his character.
So, how did Umm Zar' respond
to this luxury and affectionate pampering?
We shall continue in our next gathering, if Allah wills.
And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.