WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000 In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:08.210 The Types of Husbands 00:00:08.210 --> 00:00:12.500 In the hadith of Umm Zar' 00:00:12.500 --> 00:00:19.469 Umm Zar' and the Bliss of Life 00:00:19.469 --> 00:00:24.620 Then came the turn of Umm Zar', 00:00:24.620 --> 00:00:26.620 and she was the last of them to speak. 00:00:26.620 --> 00:00:30.620 She was the one who elaborated the most on her life with her husband, 00:00:30.620 --> 00:00:34.619 and her words are not devoid of reflecting women's inherent nature 00:00:34.619 --> 00:00:36.619 in concealing certain realities 00:00:36.619 --> 00:00:39.740 and highlighting certain matters. 00:00:39.740 --> 00:00:44.740 This is a word of advice for every man who strives to resolve marital disputes: 00:00:44.740 --> 00:00:48.740 he must pay attention to this reality present in most women, 00:00:48.740 --> 00:00:50.740 except for those upon whom my Lord has mercy. 00:00:50.740 --> 00:00:53.740 Thus, he should not rely solely on her words 00:00:53.740 --> 00:00:57.740 and pass judgment without deliberation, scrutiny, or listening to her husband 00:00:57.740 --> 00:00:59.740 or the one she is complaining about. 00:00:59.740 --> 00:01:04.900 I leave you, noble husband, to contemplate the words of Umm Zar', 00:01:04.900 --> 00:01:06.900 so that you may deduce for yourself 00:01:06.900 --> 00:01:09.900 what Umm Zar' concealed from the women 00:01:09.900 --> 00:01:13.900 in her lengthy account about herself and her husband. 00:01:13.900 --> 00:01:16.219 Umm Zar' said: 00:01:16.219 --> 00:01:18.219 "My husband was Abu Zar', 00:01:18.219 --> 00:01:20.219 and what a man Abu Zar' was! 00:01:20.219 --> 00:01:22.219 He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments, 00:01:22.219 --> 00:01:25.219 plumped the flesh of my upper arms, 00:01:25.219 --> 00:01:26.219 brought me joy, 00:01:26.219 --> 00:01:29.219 and made me pleased with myself. 00:01:29.219 --> 00:01:32.219 He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain, 00:01:32.219 --> 00:01:35.219 and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels, 00:01:35.219 --> 00:01:37.219 threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest. 00:01:37.219 --> 00:01:40.219 In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled; 00:01:40.219 --> 00:01:42.219 I sleep until the morning is well advanced; 00:01:42.219 --> 00:01:44.219 and I drink until I am fully satisfied. 00:01:44.219 --> 00:01:46.420 And what of the mother of Abu Zar'! 00:01:46.420 --> 00:01:48.420 What a woman the mother of Abu Zar' was! 00:01:48.420 --> 00:01:50.420 Her storage bags are plump and spacious, 00:01:50.420 --> 00:01:52.420 and her house is grand and ample. 00:01:52.420 --> 00:01:54.579 And what of the son of Abu Zar'! 00:01:54.579 --> 00:01:56.579 What a youth the son of Abu Zar' was! 00:01:56.579 --> 00:01:59.579 His bed is as slender as a peeled palm branch, 00:01:59.579 --> 00:02:01.579 and he is satisfied with the foreleg of a four-month-old kid. 00:02:01.579 --> 00:02:03.799 And what of the daughter of Abu Zar'! 00:02:03.799 --> 00:02:05.799 What a lady the daughter of Abu Zar' was! 00:02:05.799 --> 00:02:08.800 Obedient to her father, compliant to her mother, 00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:12.800 filling her gown generously, and the envy of her fellow women. 00:02:12.800 --> 00:02:14.960 And what of the maidservant of Abu Zar'! 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:16.960 What a servant the maidservant of Abu Zar' was! 00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:19.960 She never divulges our secrets abroad, 00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:23.960 nor does she waste our provisions or hoard them away, 00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:26.960 nor does she leave our house littered with refuse." 00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:27.960 She continued: 00:02:27.960 --> 00:02:30.180 "Abu Zar' once went out 00:02:30.180 --> 00:02:32.180 while the milk-skins were being churned, 00:02:32.180 --> 00:02:36.180 and he met a woman with two sons of hers who were like two cheetahs, 00:02:36.180 --> 00:02:40.180 playing from beneath her waist with two pomegranates. 00:02:40.180 --> 00:02:43.180 So he divorced me and married her. 00:02:43.180 --> 00:02:46.219 After him, I married an honorable, noble man, 00:02:46.219 --> 00:02:48.219 who rode a spirited steed, 00:02:48.219 --> 00:02:50.219 brandished a fine spear, 00:02:50.219 --> 00:02:53.219 drove rich livestock home to me at dusk, 00:02:53.219 --> 00:02:56.219 and gave me a pair of every type of grazing animal, 00:02:56.219 --> 00:02:58.219 saying: 00:02:58.219 --> 00:03:02.280 'Eat, Umm Zar', and provide for your kin.' 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:03.280 Yet," she said, 00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:06.280 "if I were to gather everything he gave me, 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:10.819 it would not fill the smallest vessel of Abu Zar'!" 00:03:10.819 --> 00:03:14.819 This was Umm Zar's account of her husband, Abu Zar'. 00:03:14.819 --> 00:03:16.819 From this narrative of hers, 00:03:16.819 --> 00:03:20.819 we realize the immense scale of praise she bestowed upon Abu Zar', 00:03:20.819 --> 00:03:23.819 and we can infer with utmost clarity 00:03:23.819 --> 00:03:25.819 the greatness of her love for him 00:03:25.819 --> 00:03:27.819 and the intensity of her attachment to him— 00:03:27.819 --> 00:03:30.819 indeed, her love for everything connected to him: 00:03:30.819 --> 00:03:32.819 his mother, his son, his daughter, 00:03:32.819 --> 00:03:35.819 and even his maidservant. 00:03:35.819 --> 00:03:38.949 But did you notice, my noble brother and husband, 00:03:38.949 --> 00:03:41.949 that she was speaking about the man who divorced her, 00:03:41.949 --> 00:03:43.949 not her current husband? 00:03:43.949 --> 00:03:47.110 The women who sat in that gathering 00:03:47.110 --> 00:03:49.110 had pledged and bound themselves by an oath 00:03:49.110 --> 00:03:53.110 not to conceal anything regarding their husbands. 00:03:53.110 --> 00:03:56.110 So did Umm Zar' speak about her husband? 00:03:57.110 --> 00:03:59.110 Yes, she did speak about him; 00:03:59.110 --> 00:04:02.110 however, she did not find in her second husband— 00:04:02.110 --> 00:04:05.110 who had showered her with diverse bounties— 00:04:05.110 --> 00:04:09.110 anything to boast of before the women in that gathering. 00:04:09.110 --> 00:04:13.110 Rather, she belittled all the good he gave her, 00:04:13.110 --> 00:04:15.110 and turned her attention back to the one who had divorced her, 00:04:15.110 --> 00:04:18.110 boasting of him among the women. 00:04:18.110 --> 00:04:21.209 What had Abu Zar' done for her 00:04:21.209 --> 00:04:24.209 to earn such intense devotion? 00:04:24.209 --> 00:04:27.209 How did she repay the kindness Abu Zar' showed her? 00:04:27.209 --> 00:04:31.209 Why did she lose him when he saw another woman? 00:04:31.209 --> 00:04:36.500 And what did he see in that other woman that led him to replace her? 00:04:36.500 --> 00:04:39.500 Perhaps, my dear brother and husband, and my dear sister and wife, 00:04:39.500 --> 00:04:42.500 we might delve into the details of the life of Umm Zar' 00:04:42.500 --> 00:04:45.500 with Abu Zar' throughout these episodes, 00:04:45.500 --> 00:04:48.500 in the hope that we find a satisfying answer 00:04:48.500 --> 00:04:50.850 to these questions. 00:04:50.850 --> 00:04:51.850 First: 00:04:51.850 --> 00:04:54.850 The luxury in which Umm Zar' lived. 00:04:54.850 --> 00:04:57.910 Umm Zar' said, describing the bliss 00:04:57.910 --> 00:05:00.910 in which Abu Zar' had her live: 00:05:00.910 --> 00:05:02.910 "He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments, 00:05:02.910 --> 00:05:05.910 plumped the flesh of my upper arms, 00:05:05.910 --> 00:05:08.910 and brought me joy, making me pleased with myself. 00:05:08.910 --> 00:05:12.910 He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain, 00:05:12.910 --> 00:05:15.910 and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels, 00:05:15.910 --> 00:05:17.910 threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest. 00:05:17.910 --> 00:05:20.910 In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled; 00:05:20.910 --> 00:05:22.910 I sleep until the morning is well advanced; 00:05:22.910 --> 00:05:24.910 and I drink until I am fully satisfied." 00:05:24.910 --> 00:05:28.389 The luxurious life that Umm Zar' enjoyed 00:05:28.389 --> 00:05:32.389 with Abu Zar' encompassed several beautiful dimensions, 00:05:32.389 --> 00:05:34.389 the first of which was: 00:05:34.389 --> 00:05:36.389 He adorned her with jewelry. 00:05:36.389 --> 00:05:40.389 She said, "He loaded my ears with heavy ornaments." 00:05:40.389 --> 00:05:44.420 Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:05:44.420 --> 00:05:47.420 "She means he adorned me with earrings and pendants 00:05:47.420 --> 00:05:49.420 that swayed from my ears." 00:05:49.420 --> 00:05:50.420 And al-naws 00:05:50.420 --> 00:05:54.420 denotes the swaying motion of anything suspended. 00:05:54.420 --> 00:05:57.259 That is to say, he adorned her with gold, 00:05:57.259 --> 00:06:01.259 which is among the most important adornments for women 00:06:01.259 --> 00:06:04.259 and one of the things that brings them the greatest joy; 00:06:04.259 --> 00:06:06.259 every woman loves gold 00:06:06.259 --> 00:06:09.259 and takes pride in wearing it before other women. 00:06:09.259 --> 00:06:12.509 Second: he plumped her body. 00:06:12.509 --> 00:06:16.579 She said, "and plumped the flesh of my upper arms." 00:06:16.579 --> 00:06:19.579 Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:06:19.579 --> 00:06:21.579 "She did not mean the upper arms in particular; 00:06:21.579 --> 00:06:24.579 rather, she meant her entire body. 00:06:24.579 --> 00:06:28.579 She is saying that he fattened her through his benevolent care of her, 00:06:28.579 --> 00:06:33.579 for when the upper arms grow plump, the rest of the body grows plump as well." 00:06:33.579 --> 00:06:38.569 Meaning, he caused her to flourish through his generous care of her, 00:06:38.569 --> 00:06:42.569 and such healthy fullness does not come amidst worries and troubles; 00:06:42.569 --> 00:06:46.920 rather, it comes with happiness and prosperity. 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:47.920 Third: 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:50.920 He filled her life with joy and delight. 00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:55.920 She said, "and brought me joy, making me pleased with myself." 00:06:55.920 --> 00:06:59.019 Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:06:59.019 --> 00:07:02.209 "Meaning, he made me joyful, so I rejoiced." 00:07:02.209 --> 00:07:05.209 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:07:05.209 --> 00:07:08.209 "She described him as having treated her with excellence, 00:07:08.209 --> 00:07:11.209 adorned her, made her life comfortable, 00:07:11.209 --> 00:07:16.209 nourished her, and allowed her to see happiness in all her circumstances." 00:07:16.209 --> 00:07:22.100 Fourth: he elevated her from hardship to luxury. 00:07:22.100 --> 00:07:26.230 She said, "He found me among a meager flock of sheep in a barren cleft of the mountain, 00:07:26.230 --> 00:07:31.230 and brought me to owners of neighing horses, groaning camels, threshers of grain, and purifiers of harvest." 00:07:31.230 --> 00:07:35.579 Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:07:35.579 --> 00:07:39.579 "Her saying, 'and brought me to owners of neighing horses and groaning camels,' 00:07:39.579 --> 00:07:43.579 means that he brought me to his family, 00:07:43.579 --> 00:07:45.579 and they were owners of horses and camels; 00:07:45.579 --> 00:07:50.579 for sahil refers to the neighing of horses, and atit refers to the groaning cries of camels." 00:07:50.579 --> 00:07:53.620 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:07:53.620 --> 00:07:57.620 "She described him as having transferred her from the hardship of her family's livelihood 00:07:57.620 --> 00:08:00.620 and their bare subsistence upon their small flock of sheep 00:08:00.620 --> 00:08:03.620 to a people of wealth and vast possessions: 00:08:03.620 --> 00:08:07.620 horses, camels, camel-litters, cultivated crops, cattle, 00:08:07.620 --> 00:08:11.620 working draft beasts, slaves, servants, 00:08:11.620 --> 00:08:14.620 implements for winnowing and refining food, 00:08:14.620 --> 00:08:18.620 processing it, abundant livestock, 00:08:18.620 --> 00:08:21.620 and birds fattened for eating. 00:08:21.620 --> 00:08:25.620 That is because owners of sheep live in hardship or bare sufficiency, 00:08:25.620 --> 00:08:27.620 lacking great wealth. 00:08:27.620 --> 00:08:32.779 Thus, she made known her transition from that state to this one, 00:08:32.779 --> 00:08:36.779 and the opulence of her life with the milk and meat of these herds 00:08:36.779 --> 00:08:39.779 and other kinds of food, 00:08:39.779 --> 00:08:43.779 particularly through her allusion to what is threshed and winnowed, meaning bread. 00:08:43.779 --> 00:08:47.779 Bread was the most refined food of the Arabs and their most cherished sustenance, 00:08:47.779 --> 00:08:51.779 as none among them could obtain it except those of immense wealth 00:08:51.779 --> 00:08:54.779 or those living close to cultivated lands and towns; 00:08:54.779 --> 00:08:56.779 otherwise, the vast majority of their food 00:08:56.779 --> 00:09:00.779 consisted solely of meat, milk, and dates, 00:09:00.779 --> 00:09:03.779 as their poetry clearly indicates." 00:09:03.779 --> 00:09:08.669 Fifth: Abu Zar's doting pampering of her. 00:09:08.669 --> 00:09:10.669 She was thoroughly pampered in his care, 00:09:10.669 --> 00:09:13.669 never having to do anything that would fatigue her, 00:09:13.669 --> 00:09:17.669 to the extent that Umm Zar' described this pampering by saying: 00:09:17.669 --> 00:09:20.669 "In his presence, I speak and my speech is never belittled; 00:09:20.669 --> 00:09:22.669 I sleep until the morning is well advanced; 00:09:22.669 --> 00:09:24.669 and I drink until I am fully satisfied." 00:09:24.669 --> 00:09:28.830 Abu al-'Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:09:28.830 --> 00:09:31.830 "Her statement, 'I sleep until the morning is well advanced,' 00:09:31.830 --> 00:09:34.830 means: I prolong my sleep until late morning; 00:09:34.830 --> 00:09:38.830 no one wakes her up because she is honored, 00:09:38.830 --> 00:09:40.830 spared all domestic chores and labor." 00:09:40.830 --> 00:09:43.860 'Abd al-'Aziz al-Rajihi said: 00:09:43.860 --> 00:09:47.860 "She says that she held absolute authority in his household; 00:09:47.860 --> 00:09:51.860 she speaks and no one rejects her words, 00:09:51.860 --> 00:09:54.860 and she rests well into the morning— 00:09:54.860 --> 00:09:56.860 meaning she sleeps late into the morning daylight, 00:09:56.860 --> 00:10:00.860 because she has servants who suffice her of all chores, 00:10:00.860 --> 00:10:04.860 unlike a woman who has no servants to serve her, 00:10:04.860 --> 00:10:07.860 who must rise early in the morning to work in the house. 00:10:07.860 --> 00:10:09.860 Furthermore, she drinks and quenches her thirst, 00:10:09.860 --> 00:10:12.860 attaining complete satisfaction as she pleases. 00:10:12.860 --> 00:10:14.860 Thus, she praises her husband 00:10:14.860 --> 00:10:18.860 by granting her comfort and giving her everything she desired, 00:10:18.860 --> 00:10:21.860 and conferring absolute authority upon her, 00:10:21.860 --> 00:10:23.860 so that she could speak as she wished, 00:10:23.860 --> 00:10:25.860 eat whatever she wished, 00:10:25.860 --> 00:10:27.860 drink whatever she wished, 00:10:27.860 --> 00:10:29.860 and sleep however she pleased, 00:10:29.860 --> 00:10:32.860 with all her needs fully provided for. 00:10:32.860 --> 00:10:37.659 The luxury and pampering that Abu Zar' provided for Umm Zar' 00:10:37.659 --> 00:10:40.659 bear clear testimony to his immense love for her 00:10:40.659 --> 00:10:42.659 and the nobility of his character. 00:10:42.659 --> 00:10:44.659 So, how did Umm Zar' respond 00:10:44.659 --> 00:10:47.659 to this luxury and affectionate pampering? 00:10:47.659 --> 00:10:52.750 We shall continue in our next gathering, if Allah wills. 00:10:52.750 --> 00:10:55.750 And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.