Our Mother ‘Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
“O ‘Aishah, love him, for I love him.”
Agreement between spouses on family-related matters
helps them navigate life without conflict.
Among these matters is the relationship with individuals connected to the family.
This relationship may lead to their frequent presence in the home.
It may also lead to a strong emotional attachment,
stemming from the love and affection held by one of the family members,
which then becomes apparent in their behavior.
If there is no consensus between the spouses regarding such a person,
jealousy often arises between them.
Problems then occur, or are fabricated without the true cause being stated.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was keen in his upbringing of his household
to address this problem before it occurred.
He guided women in particular toward etiquettes that prevent such problems from arising.
And because we are speaking about the truthful one, daughter of the truthful one,
whom the Prophet, peace be upon him, raised under his own care,
we will mention the situations she experienced,
which contain the Prophet’s instruction to her or to others,
relevant to our topic in this article.
The first situation concerns the love of the Prophet, peace be upon him,
for Usamah ibn Zayd, may Allah be pleased with them both.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, declared in more than one situation
his love for Usamah and announced it to the people.
For it is narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with them both,
that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, sent an expedition
and appointed Usamah ibn Zayd as its commander.
The people criticized his command,
so the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, stood up and said:
“If you criticize his command,
you criticized the command of his father before him.
By Allah, he was indeed worthy of command,
and he was among the most beloved of people to me,
and this one is among the most beloved of people to me after him.”
Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
Thus, the Prophet, peace be upon him, announced to everyone
that he loved Usamah ibn Zayd,
even though Usamah was from outside the Prophet’s immediate family.
So how did the Prophet, peace be upon him, raise his family to love him?
We mentioned before
that the Prophet, peace be upon him, utilized life situations
to educate his household and the Companions around him,
may Allah be pleased with them all.
Among these situations
is what was narrated by ‘Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
where she said:
The Prophet, peace be upon him, wanted to remove some dirt from Usamah.
‘Aishah said:
“Leave him to me, so that I may be the one to do it.”
He said:
“O ‘Aishah, love him,
for I love him.”
Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi.
Indeed, agreement between spouses on loving a young child from outside the family
prevents harm from befalling the child from any party.
Especially if this child is from another wife of the husband,
for the wise woman loves her husband’s children to gain his love,
as he loves those who love them.
The matter may also be the reverse,
where the upbringing of the children
is to align with their father in who he loves.
This is the second situation,
which ‘Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrates, saying:
The wives of the Prophet, peace be upon him, sent
Fatimah, daughter of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
to the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him.
She asked permission to enter while he was lying with me under my garment,
so he gave her permission.
She said: “O Messenger of Allah,
your wives have sent me to you
asking you for justice regarding the daughter of Abu Quhafah.”
I remained silent.
She said:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said to her:
“O my daughter,
do you not love what I love?”
She said: “Yes.”
He said:
“Then love this one.”
She said:
Fatimah stood up when she heard that from the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
and returned to the wives of the Prophet, peace be upon him,
and informed them of what she had said
and what the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, had said to her.
They said to her:
“We do not see that you have helped us at all.
Return to the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
and say to him:
‘Your wives ask you for justice regarding the daughter of Abu Quhafah.’”
Fatimah said:
“By Allah, I will never speak to him about her again.”
Narrated by Muslim.
The statement of the Prophet, peace be upon him, to his daughter Fatimah,
“O my daughter,
do you not love what I love?”
is worthy of being said to every daughter of the Muslims.
If the daughter wishes to be dutiful to her father,
then applying this word of the Prophet, peace be upon him, practically
is sufficient to keep the daughter’s heart free from malice, hatred, and resentment,
and preserves her tongue from backbiting and slander.
It is also sufficient to prevent problems between children and stepmothers.
Among the etiquettes the Prophet, peace be upon him, guided the wife toward
to avoid falling into such problems
based on differing stances toward people,
is that the wife should not permit anyone to enter the marital home
except those whom the husband approves of.
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
“It is not lawful for a woman to fast while her husband is present except with his permission,
and she should not give permission for anyone to enter his house except with his permission.”
Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
And he, peace be upon him, said:
“Know that you have a right over your wives,
and your wives have a right over you.
As for your right over your wives,
they should not allow those you dislike to tread upon your bedding,
nor should they give permission in your houses to those you dislike.”
Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi.
This hadith indicates the difference in stance toward people between spouses.
And so that this difference does not affect the relationship between the spouses,
the woman was commanded to keep people she loves—
but whom the husband does not love—away from the marital home.
They should not enter the house,
nor should they come near the family,
to protect this family from problems.
If this etiquette is for the protection of the family,
then a woman should not allow anyone the husband dislikes to enter her home.
So how can we invite into our hearts those whom Allah, the Almighty, dislikes,
or those who are hostile to the Prophet, peace be upon him,
and mock his Sunnah,
or attack the honor of his wives, the Mothers of the Believers?
Do we not love those whom the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, loves?
Let us then love ‘Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
name our daughters after her,
defend her,
and spread her biography among the people.
May she be a role model for every woman who loves Allah and His Messenger, peace be upon him.
We will continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds.
Our Mother ‘Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her.