Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
“O ‘A’ishah, what is the matter? Have you become jealous?”
Jealousy is a beautiful trait among the characteristics of a woman.
It indicates the depth of her love for her husband.
Al-Humaydi, may Allah have mercy on him, defined jealousy
as a constriction of the heart between a woman and her husband
regarding what occurs in his heart toward her,
or in her heart toward him, specifically in marital matters,
such as his inclination toward another or her inclination toward another.
It is derived from the changing of the heart and the agitation of anger
due to sharing what is meant to be exclusive.
Jealousy is praiseworthy if utilized in the correct manner
according to the guidelines of the Shari‘ah.
However, if it exceeds the Shari‘ah limits,
it is blameworthy, and the woman incurs sin for it.
Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
“The origin of jealousy is not acquired by women,”
but if she exaggerates in that to an excessive degree, she is to be blamed.
Jealousy is expected from the virtuous woman and others.
The best of the women of this Ummah
are the wives of the Prophet, peace be upon him, the Mothers of the Believers.
Jealousy did indeed emanate from them.
And the one from whom jealousy emanated the most was ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, utilized
the jealousy of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
to train her in controlling her jealousy according to Shari‘ah guidelines,
so that she might learn what is permissible for her regarding jealousy and what is not.
Among these beautiful incidents
is what happened to her one night with the Prophet, peace be upon him,
when she woke up from sleep at night and did not find him.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
“I missed the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
while he had been with me on my bed.”
I found him prostrating, keeping his heels together,
with the tips of his toes facing the Qiblah.
I heard him saying:
“I seek refuge in Your pleasure from Your displeasure,
and in Your pardon from Your punishment,
and in You from You.
I cannot praise You enough;
I cannot encompass all the praise that is due to You.”
When he finished, he said:
“O ‘A’ishah,
has your devil come to you?”
She said:
“Do you not have a devil?”
He said:
“There is no human being who does not have a devil.”
I said:
“Even you, O Messenger of Allah?”
He said:
“Yes,
but I prayed to Allah against him, and he submitted.”
Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah.
And from ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
went out from her one night.
She said:
“I became jealous of him.”
She said:
“Then he came,
and he saw what I was doing.”
He said:
“What is the matter, O ‘A’ishah?
Have you become jealous?”
She said:
“I said:
‘And why should someone like me not be jealous of someone like you?’”
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
“Has your devil come to you?”
She said: “O Messenger of Allah,
do I have a devil with me?”
He said: “Yes.”
I said:
“And with every person?”
He said: “Yes.”
I said:
“And with you, O Messenger of Allah?”
He said: “Yes,
but my Lord, the Almighty and Exalted, helped me against him until he submitted.”
Narrated by Ahmad.
This is one of the instances of jealousy that ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, experienced.
The summary of this situation
is that ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, was asleep,
and it was her night.
It was expected that the Prophet, peace be upon him, would be sleeping beside her.
But when she woke up at night, she did not see him beside her.
So she searched for him in the pitch-black darkness of the night,
feeling around her,
and her hand fell upon him while he was praying and supplicating.
So she returned to her bed.
When the Prophet, peace be upon him, finished his prayer,
he said to her:
“What is the matter, O ‘A’ishah?
Have you become jealous?”
She said: “I said:
‘And why should someone like me not be jealous of someone like you?’”
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
“Has your devil come to you?”
The Prophet, peace be upon him, counted her jealousy in this instance as an incitement of the devil.
So what is the reason?
The reason for that
is the suspicion that occurred in her mind,
which was that the Prophet, peace be upon him, had left her and gone to one of his other wives.
This is an evil suspicion regarding the Prophet, peace be upon him,
and that he would not be fair with her on her night.
This evil suspicion
does not enter the soul except from the whisperings of the devil.
Al-Tibi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
“In his saying,
‘Your devil has come to you,’
there is an indication of what passed in the hadith of Jabir ibn ‘Atik,
from his saying:
‘As for the jealousy that Allah hates,
it is jealousy in the absence of suspicion.’”
Meaning: How can you be jealous of me?
You think that I am being unjust to you?
That is, this is not a situation of suspicion.
So the jealousy emanating from a woman
that is based on evil suspicion of the husband
is among the blameworthy jealousy for which the woman is blamed,
which causes her to fall into sin,
and ruins her life with her husband.
Jealousy is an innate trait in all women,
yet it is capable of being modified
and capable of being directed.
It is possible to reduce its intensity
and control it at a certain limit,
as happened with Umm Salamah with the Prophet, peace be upon him,
when the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her
that Allah would remove her jealousy.
Just as the instructions of the Prophet, peace be upon him, came
to his wives
to stop at the Shari‘ah limit regarding jealousy,
for anyone who violates the Shari‘ah guidelines of jealousy.
The guidelines of Shari‘ah jealousy are three.
They are:
First:
That it must be based on actual suspicion.
Second:
That she must not commit what is forbidden for her in speech or action.
These are examples of forbidden acts:
Jealousy does not permit backbiting.
Jealousy does not permit the destruction of others' property.
Jealousy does not permit a woman to demand from her husband what she has no right to.
Jealousy does not permit injustice.
Jealousy does not permit a woman to taunt her co-wife.
Jealousy does not permit claiming from the husband what has not been given.
Jealousy does not permit evil suspicion of the husband.
Jealousy does not permit spying on the husband.
Jealousy does not permit harming the husband.
Third:
That jealousy should not lead to the corruption of righteous deeds.
These are the guidelines of jealousy.
Whoever fails in one of these guidelines,
she is to be blamed for her jealousy.
As for the jealousy that makes her work to win the heart of her husband,
this is praiseworthy jealousy,
for which the woman is rewarded.
We will continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.