WEBVTT

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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

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Categories of Men

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in the Hadith of Umm Zar'

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"My husband: every malady is found in him."

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The seventh woman who spoke in that gathering of women

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described her husband by saying:

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"My husband is hopelessly incompetent or dim-witted (ghayaya or 'ayaya),

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completely overwhelmed (tabaqa);

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every malady is found in him;

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he has fractured your skull, or broken your limb, or inflicted all of that upon you."

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It could be said of her

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that she is truly wretched,

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for she combined every blameworthy trait in describing her husband.

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There remained in him no good whatsoever that a woman might benefit from:

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he is foolish and ignorant,

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abusive in companionship,

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impotent in marital relations,

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and beats his wife severely and violently;

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indeed, he has gathered every human flaw within himself.

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Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"She described him as foolish,

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reaching the utmost extreme in all defects and shortcomings,

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treating his family abominably,

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incapable of fulfilling her needs,

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while beating her and causing her harm.

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If she speaks to him, he insults her;

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if she jokes with him, he fractures her skull;

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and whenever he gets angry,

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he either fractures her skull,

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breaks one of her limbs—

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which is the meaning of 'broke your limb' (fallak),

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and from this root the defeated are termed

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'fall'—

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or cuts her skin or pierces her,

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which is the meaning of 'fractured your skull' (shajjak),

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or inflicts all of that upon her,

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combining beating, wounding, and breaking bones,

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or crushing her through hostility and hurtful words,

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as well as seizing her wealth."

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This type of man

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is impossible to live with in peace,

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and it is inconceivable that these vile manners

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in such a type of person

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emerged suddenly after marriage;

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rather, it is expected that they existed in him prior to marriage.

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The question that presents itself is:

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Why did this woman accept him?

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And upon whom does the blame fall for marrying her off to him?

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Firstly,

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this incident occurred during the Pre-Islamic Era (Jahiliyyah),

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but unfortunately, it recurs even in Islam.

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So where did the mistake stem from?

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Secondly,

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when looking at the teachings of Islam

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and its sublime manners,

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we find that it established a precise system

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to prevent such a scenario

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from occurring in reality.

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Why, then, does it keep recurring?

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What appears to me

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is that the recurrence of such a situation in reality

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stems from two matters

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that fall under a single heading:

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the lack of adherence to the teachings of Islam

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and its etiquettes regarding the marriage of young women.

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The first matter

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is that guardians have abdicated their responsibility in the marriage of the young woman.

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For the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)

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forbade a woman from marrying herself off,

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and commanded her guardians to marry her off,

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so that men bear the responsibility of arranging her marriage

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to someone who is suitable for her.

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Many hadiths have been narrated regarding this,

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among which is the hadith

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on the authority of Abu Musa (may Allah be pleased with him),

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that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

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"There is no marriage without a guardian."

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Narrated by Abu Dawud.

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And on the authority of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), who said:

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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

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"Any woman who marries without the permission of her guardians,

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her marriage is invalid,"

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repeating it three times;

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"and if he has consummated the marriage with her,

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she is entitled to the bridal due (mahr) in return for what he enjoyed of her.

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If they dispute,

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then the ruler is the guardian of whoever has no guardian."

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Narrated by Abu Dawud.

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And on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

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"A woman does not give a woman in marriage,

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nor does a woman give herself in marriage;

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for indeed, it is the fornicatress who gives herself in marriage."

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Narrated by Ibn Majah.

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These hadiths

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place the responsibility of marriage upon the guardians

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and forbid a woman from marrying herself off,

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and that is for many wise reasons.

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Among them:

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men are more capable of discerning the suitor's traits and character

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and inquiring about him among other men,

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unlike the woman,

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who is unable to do so.

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And among them:

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men let reason govern their affairs,

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unlike the woman,

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who lets emotion govern hers;

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thus, if her heart becomes attached to a man,

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she turns a blind eye to all of his bad qualities.

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This highlights the danger of relationships between young men and women before the marriage contract:

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the girl becomes emotionally attached to him,

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and it becomes difficult for her to step away,

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especially since young men, in their relationships with girls,

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display their finest traits to win them over.

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Thus, when the girl becomes attached,

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she is blinded to the true reality.

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For this reason, Islam forbade women

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from free mixing with non-mahram men,

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so that such relationships do not develop

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between young men and women,

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which would subsequently ruin their lives.

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The second matter

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is the loss of proper criteria in selecting men.

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The way people view the selection of a spouse today

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has changed due to their distance

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from adhering to the commands of the Sharia.

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Thus, the criteria for choosing men has become

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a materialistic standard,

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tied solely to worldly considerations.

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This is entirely contrary

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to the counsel of the Prophet (peace be upon him),

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where he said:

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"If there comes to you one with whose

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character and religious commitment you are pleased, marry [your daughter] to him;

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for if you do not do so,

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there will be tribulation on earth and widespread corruption."

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Narrated by Ibn Majah.

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Al-Mazhari (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

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"Meaning: if someone asks you

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to give a woman among your daughters in marriage,

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or your female relatives,

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then look:

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if he is a righteous Muslim

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of good character,

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then marry her to him.

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For if you do not marry

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the women among your relatives

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to anyone except someone well-known, possessing wealth and status,

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and other such worldly attributes favored by

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worldly people,

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most of your women will remain unmarried,

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and most men will remain unmarried.

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At that point, men will incline toward women,

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and women will incline toward men,

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fornication will become rampant,

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and shame will fall upon the guardians

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due to fornication being attributed to their women.

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Protective jealousy may boil within them toward their female relatives

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because of hearing accusations of fornication against them,

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leading them to kill the women,

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and to kill those who targeted them with immoral acts.

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All of this represents widespread corruption

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and great tribulation."

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However,

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why would a woman stay with such a foolish man,

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and when did she discover these traits?

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There is blame upon the woman as well,

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just as we placed blame upon the guardians,

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regarding her criteria for accepting the man

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who proposed to her.

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Whatever that criteria may have been,

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it certainly was not religious commitment and good character.

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For had her criteria been religious commitment and good character,

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we would not find such cases

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in our societies;

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because this foolish category of men

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inevitably manifests his foolishness

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with those he lives with.

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Had the woman inquired about his religious commitment and character,

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and asked her guardians to verify

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that he possessed both,

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she would have discovered his true nature.

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If the Prophet (peace be upon him)

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censured a woman who stands in night prayer

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yet possesses bad character toward her neighbors,

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then how about someone whose character is like this toward the people of his household?

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On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

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A man said:

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"O Messenger of Allah,

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so-and-so

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is mentioned for her abundant prayer, fasting, and charity,

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except that she harms her neighbors with her tongue."

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He said:

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"She is in the Hellfire."

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The man said:

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"O Messenger of Allah,

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so-and-so

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is mentioned for her modest amount of fasting, charity, and prayer,

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and she gives only small pieces of dried curd in charity,

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yet she does not harm her neighbors with her tongue."

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He said:

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"She is in Paradise."

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Narrated by Ahmad.

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This hadith

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is entirely explicit in showing that religion and moral conduct in dealing with people cannot be separated.

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How, then, can a woman accept marrying a man devoid of good character?

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Furthermore, let us reflect on her statement:

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"Every defect is found in him."

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Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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"Meaning, every illness found among people

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is present in him and is part of his afflictions."

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And al-Khalil al-Farahidi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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"She meant that every single flaw that can be found in men exists in him."

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This expression encompasses every form of evil in this type of man;

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he is indeed among the worst of people.

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For on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him,

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the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, stood before a group of seated people

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and asked:

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"Shall I not inform you of the best among you from the worst among you?"

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He said:

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They remained silent.

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He repeated it three times,

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so a man said:

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"Yes, O Messenger of Allah!

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Inform us of the best among us from the worst among us."

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He said:

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"The best of you is the one from whom good is expected and from whose harm people are safe,

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and the worst of you is the one from whom no good is expected and from whose harm people are not safe."

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Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

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If all the flaws of humanity are combined in this husband,

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then she can never hope for any good from him,

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nor can she feel safe from his harm.

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We shall continue in a future gathering, if Allah wills.

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And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all the worlds.