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Our mother 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,

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"O 'A'ishah, you will either tell me, or the Subtle, the All-Aware will inform me."

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Allah created woman,

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and He clarified for us the nature of the relationship that exists between her and man.

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He, Glorified and Exalted, said:

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“He it is Who did create you from a single soul, and therefrom did make his mate that he might take rest in her. And when he covered her she bore a light burden, and she passed (unnoticed) with it, but when it became heavy they cried unto Allah, their Lord, saying: If thou givest unto us aright we shall be of the thankful.” (7:189)

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“He it is Who did create you from a single soul, and therefrom did make his mate that he might take rest in her. And when he covered her she bore a light burden, and she passed (unnoticed) with it, but when it became heavy they cried unto Allah, their Lord, saying: If thou givest unto us aright we shall be of the thankful.” (7:189)

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And He also said:

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“And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.” (30:21)

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◁ spouses that you may find tranquility in them ▷

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“And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.” (30:21)

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◁ Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. ▷

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These verses indicate that it is the man who finds tranquility in the woman,

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and not the other way around.

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This is because the man is constantly engaged in active movement outside the home,

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so he retreats to the home for tranquility,

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and woman is his sanctuary of repose.

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Woman, on the other hand, is ordained to remain settled within the home;

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she is grounded within it, not constantly in motion outside.

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Thus, venturing outside the home was an exceptional occurrence for her,

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not a fundamental duty to adhere to,

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let alone a right she actively demands.

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Therefore, she does not seek tranquility in the man;

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rather, it is he who finds tranquility in her.

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Nothing appears in the Qur'an suggesting that a woman finds tranquility in a man;

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rather, what is stated is that the man finds tranquility in her.

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For a man to truly attain this tranquility with his wife,

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he must comprehend an unchanging truth that neither fades with time

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nor alters with civilizational advancement:

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the nature of woman is inherently different from that of man.

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Allah Almighty said:

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◁ And the male is not like the female. ▷

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If a man misunderstands this reality,

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he will live a life of misery.

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It is of a woman's inherent nature

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that she will never remain consistently on one straight path for a man.

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Her shortcomings are prone to recur,

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even if a man teaches and guides her repeatedly.

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For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

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"Indeed, woman was created from a rib;

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she will never remain straight for you on any single path.

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If you wish to enjoy her companionship,

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you will do so while her crookedness remains in her.

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But if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her;

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and breaking her is divorcing her."

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Recorded by Muslim.

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If a woman does not remain on one consistent path for a man,

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what then is the optimal approach in dealing with her?

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The optimal approach in dealing with a woman

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is that which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) guided us toward,

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through both his words and his actions.

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Whoever wishes to excel in dealing with his wife

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must study the biography of the Prophet (peace be upon him)

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with his wives,

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and observe how he treated them.

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An example of this is

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his statement (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him):

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"Indeed, woman was created from a rib,

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and if you attempt to straighten the rib, you will break it.

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So treat her with gentle forbearance, and you will live comfortably with her."

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Recorded by Ahmad.

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Thus, the Prophet (peace be upon him) guided

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toward practicing gentle diplomacy and forbearance (mudarah) with woman,

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so that marital life may endure.

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This gentle forbearance

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means that a man treats his wife with kindness until he brings her back to what is right,

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or steers her away from falsehood using the best possible means.

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Among the practical examples from the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him)

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with his wives

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is this beautiful narration,

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which reveals the exceptional beauty of the Prophet's character

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in dealing with his wives

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and exercising gentle forbearance toward them,

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even when their missteps recurred out of jealousy.

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Here is the account:

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On the authority of Muhammad ibn Qays ibn Makhramah ibn al-Muttalib,

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who said one day:

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"Shall I not narrate to you concerning myself and my mother?"

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The narrator said:

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"We assumed he meant his biological mother."

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He continued:

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"'A'ishah said:

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'Shall I not narrate to you concerning myself and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)?'

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We said: 'Yes, indeed.'

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He said:

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"She said:

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'When it was my night that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) spent with me,

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he turned, took off his cloak, and removed his sandals,

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placing them by his feet.

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He spread the edge of his lower garment over his bed

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and lay down.

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He waited only until he thought I had fallen asleep,

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then he took his cloak softly,

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put on his sandals softly,

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opened the door, slipped out,

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and shut it softly behind him.

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I pulled my shift over my head, veiled myself,

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wrapped my lower garment around me,

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and set out following in his footsteps,

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until he arrived at al-Baqi' and stood there.

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He remained standing for a long time,

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then raised his hands three times,

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and then turned back.

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So I turned back.

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He quickened his pace,

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so I quickened mine.

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He jogged,

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so I jogged.

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He ran,

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so I ran.

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I outpaced him, entered the house,

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and had barely lain down

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when he entered.

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He said:

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"What is the matter with you, O 'A'ish?

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Why are you out of breath and heaving?"

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She said:

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'I replied: "Nothing."'

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He said:

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"You will either tell me,

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or the Subtle, the All-Aware will inform me."

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She said:

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'I said: "O Messenger of Allah,

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may my father and mother be ransomed for you!"

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and so I told him.'

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He said:

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"So you were the dark figure I saw ahead of me?"

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I said: 'Yes.'

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He nudged me firmly on the chest, giving me a shove that pained me,

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then said:

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"Did you think that Allah and His Messenger would act unjustly toward you?"

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She said:

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'Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it.

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Yes.'

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He said:

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"Gabriel came to me when you saw me slip out,

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and he called me softly, concealing it from you,

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so I answered him softly, concealing it from you.

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He would not enter upon you while you were undressed,

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and I thought that you had already fallen asleep.

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I disliked waking you,

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and I feared that you would feel frightened being left alone.

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Gabriel said:

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'Your Lord commands you to go to the dwellers of al-Baqi' and seek forgiveness for them.'

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She said:

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'I asked:

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"What should I say to them, O Messenger of Allah?"

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He said:

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"Say:

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'Peace be upon the inhabitants of these dwellings from among the believers and the Muslims.

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May Allah have mercy upon those of us who have gone before and those who come later,

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and we shall, if Allah wills, join you.'"'"

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Recorded by Muslim.

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This narration offers several valuable reflections.

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The first:

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this is one of the accounts showcasing the jealousy of 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.

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We notice that it resembles the account we mentioned in the previous article,

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where she missed him in bed at night,

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went looking for him,

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assuming that he had gone to one of his other wives,

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only to discover otherwise.

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Yet the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) patiently repeated the same guidance to her;

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he did not say to her: "We have already taught you this before,

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so why do you repeat this mistake?"

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That is because he (peace be upon him)

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knew that a woman will never remain on a single, perfectly straight path for a man,

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and that mistakes will inevitably recur on her part.

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In this lies a profound lesson for all men in how they should treat their wives,

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especially when they repeat a mistake.

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The second reflection:

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this story vividly highlights the noble character of the Prophet (peace be upon him) with his wives,

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and his keen concern for their comfort.

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He slipped out in complete silence so as not to wake 'A'ishah,

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nor leave her feeling frightened sitting alone at night.

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This reflects his noble character and profound mercy (peace be upon him),

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offering another lesson for men in being mindful of their wives' comfort.

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The third reflection:

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jealousy caused 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,

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to overlook these noble considerations

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that the Prophet (peace be upon him) displayed.

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Rather, jealousy led her not to interpret his actions

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in the best possible light;

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instead, she interpreted them in the worst possible way,

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believing he had gone to another of his wives on her allocated night—

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an act of injustice toward a wife had he done so.

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For this reason, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to her:

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"Did you think that Allah and His Messenger would act unjustly toward you?"

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Meaning: that Allah and His Messenger would wrong you?

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'A'ishah admitted to him that this was indeed the suspicion that crossed her mind,

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saying:

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"Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it.

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Yes."

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Jealousy does not justify a wife harboring ill assumptions about her husband,

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which is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) rebuked her suspicion.

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The fourth reflection:

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'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,

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realized that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was heading to al-Baqi' to pray for the deceased;

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nevertheless, she kept watching him and did not return home,

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nor did his departure put her at ease,

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even though the Prophet (peace be upon him) stood praying for an extended time.

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All of this was driven by jealousy,

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which strips away sound reasoning when responding to events.

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Fifth:

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Whatever ill suspicions a wife hides concerning her husband may remain concealed from him,

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but they are never hidden from Allah.

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Therefore, a woman must constantly bear in mind this reality stated by 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her):

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"Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it."

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Sixth:

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A wrongful deed committed by either a husband or a wife

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may leave telltale signs that reveal it,

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just as happened with 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) when her heavy breathing gave her away.

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For the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her:

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"What is the matter, O 'A'ish, panting with your chest heaving?"

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She replied, "It is nothing."

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He said, "You must tell me, or the Subtle and All-Aware will inform me."

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Indeed, 'A'ishah was gasping for breath,

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her stomach rising and falling from her rapid breathing,

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because she had been running fast

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to reach home before the Prophet (peace be upon him).

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The Prophet (peace be upon him) had left her

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believing she was fast asleep,

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and in such a state, one is expected

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to be in the utmost tranquility and rest.

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Thus, this physical sign exposed her jealousy

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and the resulting act of following the Prophet (peace be upon him).

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So, O Muslim woman,

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beware of the consequences of your jealousy

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if it is not governed by the limits of the Shariah,

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for it can lead you to ruin

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through groundless suspicions and unseemly actions.

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We shall continue in a future gathering, if Allah wills.

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And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

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Our Mother 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.