WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:10.109
Our mother 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,

00:00:10.109 --> 00:00:16.829
"O 'A'ishah, you will either tell me, or the Subtle, the All-Aware will inform me."

00:00:16.829 --> 00:00:21.710
Allah created woman,

00:00:21.710 --> 00:00:26.350
and He clarified for us the nature of the relationship that exists between her and man.

00:00:26.350 --> 00:00:28.989
He, Glorified and Exalted, said:

00:00:28.989 --> 00:00:34.270
“He it is Who did create you from a single soul, and therefrom did make his mate that he might take rest in her. And when he covered her she bore a light burden, and she passed (unnoticed) with it, but when it became heavy they cried unto Allah, their Lord, saying: If thou givest unto us aright we shall be of the thankful.” (7:189)

00:00:34.270 --> 00:00:39.490
“He it is Who did create you from a single soul, and therefrom did make his mate that he might take rest in her. And when he covered her she bore a light burden, and she passed (unnoticed) with it, but when it became heavy they cried unto Allah, their Lord, saying: If thou givest unto us aright we shall be of the thankful.” (7:189)

00:00:39.490 --> 00:00:41.329
And He also said:

00:00:41.329 --> 00:00:50.289
“And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.” (30:21)

00:00:50.289 --> 00:00:55.170
◁ spouses that you may find tranquility in them ▷

00:00:55.170 --> 00:01:00.609
“And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.” (30:21)

00:01:00.609 --> 00:01:08.450
◁ Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. ▷

00:01:08.450 --> 00:01:13.010
These verses indicate that it is the man who finds tranquility in the woman,

00:01:13.010 --> 00:01:14.769
and not the other way around.

00:01:14.769 --> 00:01:18.609
This is because the man is constantly engaged in active movement outside the home,

00:01:18.609 --> 00:01:21.010
so he retreats to the home for tranquility,

00:01:21.010 --> 00:01:23.170
and woman is his sanctuary of repose.

00:01:23.250 --> 00:01:26.689
Woman, on the other hand, is ordained to remain settled within the home;

00:01:26.689 --> 00:01:30.530
she is grounded within it, not constantly in motion outside.

00:01:30.530 --> 00:01:35.409
Thus, venturing outside the home was an exceptional occurrence for her,

00:01:35.409 --> 00:01:37.650
not a fundamental duty to adhere to,

00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:41.090
let alone a right she actively demands.

00:01:41.090 --> 00:01:43.890
Therefore, she does not seek tranquility in the man;

00:01:43.890 --> 00:01:47.090
rather, it is he who finds tranquility in her.

00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:52.209
Nothing appears in the Qur'an suggesting that a woman finds tranquility in a man;

00:01:52.209 --> 00:01:57.040
rather, what is stated is that the man finds tranquility in her.

00:01:57.040 --> 00:02:00.799
For a man to truly attain this tranquility with his wife,

00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:05.599
he must comprehend an unchanging truth that neither fades with time

00:02:05.599 --> 00:02:08.159
nor alters with civilizational advancement:

00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:12.800
the nature of woman is inherently different from that of man.

00:02:12.800 --> 00:02:14.240
Allah Almighty said:

00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:17.120
◁ And the male is not like the female. ▷

00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:20.240
If a man misunderstands this reality,

00:02:20.319 --> 00:02:23.219
he will live a life of misery.

00:02:23.219 --> 00:02:25.139
It is of a woman's inherent nature

00:02:25.139 --> 00:02:29.539
that she will never remain consistently on one straight path for a man.

00:02:29.539 --> 00:02:32.419
Her shortcomings are prone to recur,

00:02:32.419 --> 00:02:35.860
even if a man teaches and guides her repeatedly.

00:02:35.860 --> 00:02:39.699
For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

00:02:39.699 --> 00:02:42.419
"Indeed, woman was created from a rib;

00:02:42.419 --> 00:02:45.379
she will never remain straight for you on any single path.

00:02:45.379 --> 00:02:47.219
If you wish to enjoy her companionship,

00:02:47.219 --> 00:02:50.020
you will do so while her crookedness remains in her.

00:02:50.020 --> 00:02:52.979
But if you attempt to straighten her, you will break her;

00:02:52.979 --> 00:02:55.379
and breaking her is divorcing her."

00:02:55.379 --> 00:02:57.539
Recorded by Muslim.

00:02:57.539 --> 00:03:02.740
If a woman does not remain on one consistent path for a man,

00:03:02.740 --> 00:03:06.560
what then is the optimal approach in dealing with her?

00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:09.599
The optimal approach in dealing with a woman

00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:13.439
is that which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) guided us toward,

00:03:13.439 --> 00:03:15.520
through both his words and his actions.

00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:18.879
Whoever wishes to excel in dealing with his wife

00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:23.039
must study the biography of the Prophet (peace be upon him)

00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:24.479
with his wives,

00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:27.039
and observe how he treated them.

00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:28.879
An example of this is

00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:31.840
his statement (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him):

00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:34.639
"Indeed, woman was created from a rib,

00:03:34.639 --> 00:03:38.400
and if you attempt to straighten the rib, you will break it.

00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:40.800
So treat her with gentle forbearance, and you will live comfortably with her."

00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:42.800
Recorded by Ahmad.

00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:44.960
Thus, the Prophet (peace be upon him) guided

00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:47.840
toward practicing gentle diplomacy and forbearance (mudarah) with woman,

00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:50.400
so that marital life may endure.

00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:51.759
This gentle forbearance

00:03:51.759 --> 00:03:56.240
means that a man treats his wife with kindness until he brings her back to what is right,

00:03:56.240 --> 00:04:00.060
or steers her away from falsehood using the best possible means.

00:04:00.060 --> 00:04:04.699
Among the practical examples from the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him)

00:04:04.699 --> 00:04:06.219
with his wives

00:04:06.219 --> 00:04:08.460
is this beautiful narration,

00:04:08.460 --> 00:04:13.020
which reveals the exceptional beauty of the Prophet's character

00:04:13.020 --> 00:04:15.340
in dealing with his wives

00:04:15.340 --> 00:04:17.420
and exercising gentle forbearance toward them,

00:04:17.420 --> 00:04:21.500
even when their missteps recurred out of jealousy.

00:04:21.500 --> 00:04:23.420
Here is the account:

00:04:23.420 --> 00:04:27.100
On the authority of Muhammad ibn Qays ibn Makhramah ibn al-Muttalib,

00:04:27.100 --> 00:04:29.180
who said one day:

00:04:29.180 --> 00:04:32.459
"Shall I not narrate to you concerning myself and my mother?"

00:04:32.459 --> 00:04:33.579
The narrator said:

00:04:33.579 --> 00:04:37.339
"We assumed he meant his biological mother."

00:04:37.339 --> 00:04:38.459
He continued:

00:04:38.459 --> 00:04:40.300
"'A'ishah said:

00:04:40.300 --> 00:04:45.660
'Shall I not narrate to you concerning myself and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)?'

00:04:45.660 --> 00:04:47.259
We said: 'Yes, indeed.'

00:04:47.259 --> 00:04:48.379
He said:

00:04:48.379 --> 00:04:49.660
"She said:

00:04:49.660 --> 00:04:55.980
'When it was my night that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) spent with me,

00:04:55.980 --> 00:04:59.819
he turned, took off his cloak, and removed his sandals,

00:04:59.819 --> 00:05:02.139
placing them by his feet.

00:05:02.139 --> 00:05:05.420
He spread the edge of his lower garment over his bed

00:05:05.420 --> 00:05:06.939
and lay down.

00:05:06.939 --> 00:05:11.180
He waited only until he thought I had fallen asleep,

00:05:11.180 --> 00:05:13.500
then he took his cloak softly,

00:05:13.500 --> 00:05:15.339
put on his sandals softly,

00:05:15.420 --> 00:05:17.819
opened the door, slipped out,

00:05:17.819 --> 00:05:20.300
and shut it softly behind him.

00:05:20.300 --> 00:05:23.420
I pulled my shift over my head, veiled myself,

00:05:23.420 --> 00:05:25.500
wrapped my lower garment around me,

00:05:25.500 --> 00:05:27.819
and set out following in his footsteps,

00:05:27.819 --> 00:05:30.459
until he arrived at al-Baqi' and stood there.

00:05:30.459 --> 00:05:32.540
He remained standing for a long time,

00:05:32.540 --> 00:05:35.339
then raised his hands three times,

00:05:35.339 --> 00:05:36.540
and then turned back.

00:05:36.540 --> 00:05:37.819
So I turned back.

00:05:37.819 --> 00:05:38.779
He quickened his pace,

00:05:38.779 --> 00:05:40.060
so I quickened mine.

00:05:40.060 --> 00:05:41.019
He jogged,

00:05:41.019 --> 00:05:42.379
so I jogged.

00:05:42.379 --> 00:05:43.259
He ran,

00:05:43.259 --> 00:05:44.540
so I ran.

00:05:44.540 --> 00:05:46.939
I outpaced him, entered the house,

00:05:46.939 --> 00:05:49.180
and had barely lain down

00:05:49.180 --> 00:05:50.459
when he entered.

00:05:50.459 --> 00:05:51.660
He said:

00:05:51.660 --> 00:05:53.740
"What is the matter with you, O 'A'ish?

00:05:53.740 --> 00:05:55.740
Why are you out of breath and heaving?"

00:05:55.740 --> 00:05:56.779
She said:

00:05:56.779 --> 00:05:58.459
'I replied: "Nothing."'

00:05:58.459 --> 00:05:59.459
He said:

00:05:59.459 --> 00:06:00.939
"You will either tell me,

00:06:00.939 --> 00:06:04.139
or the Subtle, the All-Aware will inform me."

00:06:04.139 --> 00:06:05.259
She said:

00:06:05.259 --> 00:06:07.180
'I said: "O Messenger of Allah,

00:06:07.180 --> 00:06:09.259
may my father and mother be ransomed for you!"

00:06:09.259 --> 00:06:10.699
and so I told him.'

00:06:10.699 --> 00:06:11.740
He said:

00:06:11.740 --> 00:06:14.939
"So you were the dark figure I saw ahead of me?"

00:06:14.939 --> 00:06:16.540
I said: 'Yes.'

00:06:16.540 --> 00:06:20.139
He nudged me firmly on the chest, giving me a shove that pained me,

00:06:20.139 --> 00:06:21.740
then said:

00:06:21.740 --> 00:06:25.500
"Did you think that Allah and His Messenger would act unjustly toward you?"

00:06:25.500 --> 00:06:26.699
She said:

00:06:26.699 --> 00:06:29.819
'Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it.

00:06:29.819 --> 00:06:31.019
Yes.'

00:06:31.019 --> 00:06:32.139
He said:

00:06:32.139 --> 00:06:35.339
"Gabriel came to me when you saw me slip out,

00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:38.220
and he called me softly, concealing it from you,

00:06:38.220 --> 00:06:41.180
so I answered him softly, concealing it from you.

00:06:41.259 --> 00:06:45.100
He would not enter upon you while you were undressed,

00:06:45.100 --> 00:06:47.500
and I thought that you had already fallen asleep.

00:06:47.500 --> 00:06:49.660
I disliked waking you,

00:06:49.660 --> 00:06:52.139
and I feared that you would feel frightened being left alone.

00:06:52.139 --> 00:06:53.420
Gabriel said:

00:06:53.420 --> 00:06:58.620
'Your Lord commands you to go to the dwellers of al-Baqi' and seek forgiveness for them.'

00:06:58.620 --> 00:06:59.819
She said:

00:06:59.819 --> 00:07:00.779
'I asked:

00:07:00.779 --> 00:07:03.819
"What should I say to them, O Messenger of Allah?"

00:07:03.819 --> 00:07:04.860
He said:

00:07:04.860 --> 00:07:06.060
"Say:

00:07:06.060 --> 00:07:10.779
'Peace be upon the inhabitants of these dwellings from among the believers and the Muslims.

00:07:10.779 --> 00:07:15.180
May Allah have mercy upon those of us who have gone before and those who come later,

00:07:15.180 --> 00:07:19.100
and we shall, if Allah wills, join you.'"'"

00:07:19.100 --> 00:07:21.019
Recorded by Muslim.

00:07:21.019 --> 00:07:24.379
This narration offers several valuable reflections.

00:07:24.379 --> 00:07:25.660
The first:

00:07:25.660 --> 00:07:30.779
this is one of the accounts showcasing the jealousy of 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.

00:07:30.779 --> 00:07:36.300
We notice that it resembles the account we mentioned in the previous article,

00:07:36.300 --> 00:07:39.420
where she missed him in bed at night,

00:07:39.420 --> 00:07:41.100
went looking for him,

00:07:41.100 --> 00:07:45.500
assuming that he had gone to one of his other wives,

00:07:45.500 --> 00:07:48.220
only to discover otherwise.

00:07:48.220 --> 00:07:53.420
Yet the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) patiently repeated the same guidance to her;

00:07:53.420 --> 00:07:57.339
he did not say to her: "We have already taught you this before,

00:07:57.339 --> 00:08:00.139
so why do you repeat this mistake?"

00:08:00.139 --> 00:08:02.779
That is because he (peace be upon him)

00:08:02.779 --> 00:08:07.980
knew that a woman will never remain on a single, perfectly straight path for a man,

00:08:08.060 --> 00:08:11.569
and that mistakes will inevitably recur on her part.

00:08:11.569 --> 00:08:17.170
In this lies a profound lesson for all men in how they should treat their wives,

00:08:17.170 --> 00:08:20.740
especially when they repeat a mistake.

00:08:20.740 --> 00:08:22.259
The second reflection:

00:08:22.259 --> 00:08:28.500
this story vividly highlights the noble character of the Prophet (peace be upon him) with his wives,

00:08:28.500 --> 00:08:31.220
and his keen concern for their comfort.

00:08:31.220 --> 00:08:36.019
He slipped out in complete silence so as not to wake 'A'ishah,

00:08:36.019 --> 00:08:39.620
nor leave her feeling frightened sitting alone at night.

00:08:39.620 --> 00:08:44.899
This reflects his noble character and profound mercy (peace be upon him),

00:08:44.899 --> 00:08:50.460
offering another lesson for men in being mindful of their wives' comfort.

00:08:50.460 --> 00:08:51.980
The third reflection:

00:08:51.980 --> 00:08:55.580
jealousy caused 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,

00:08:55.580 --> 00:08:59.500
to overlook these noble considerations

00:08:59.500 --> 00:09:03.580
that the Prophet (peace be upon him) displayed.

00:09:03.580 --> 00:09:08.700
Rather, jealousy led her not to interpret his actions

00:09:08.700 --> 00:09:11.019
in the best possible light;

00:09:11.019 --> 00:09:14.379
instead, she interpreted them in the worst possible way,

00:09:14.379 --> 00:09:19.980
believing he had gone to another of his wives on her allocated night—

00:09:19.980 --> 00:09:23.500
an act of injustice toward a wife had he done so.

00:09:23.500 --> 00:09:27.740
For this reason, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to her:

00:09:27.740 --> 00:09:31.419
"Did you think that Allah and His Messenger would act unjustly toward you?"

00:09:31.500 --> 00:09:34.779
Meaning: that Allah and His Messenger would wrong you?

00:09:34.779 --> 00:09:40.700
'A'ishah admitted to him that this was indeed the suspicion that crossed her mind,

00:09:40.700 --> 00:09:42.059
saying:

00:09:42.059 --> 00:09:45.100
"Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it.

00:09:45.100 --> 00:09:46.460
Yes."

00:09:46.460 --> 00:09:51.500
Jealousy does not justify a wife harboring ill assumptions about her husband,

00:09:51.500 --> 00:09:56.929
which is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) rebuked her suspicion.

00:09:56.929 --> 00:09:58.450
The fourth reflection:

00:09:58.450 --> 00:10:01.169
'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,

00:10:01.169 --> 00:10:07.809
realized that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was heading to al-Baqi' to pray for the deceased;

00:10:07.809 --> 00:10:12.529
nevertheless, she kept watching him and did not return home,

00:10:12.529 --> 00:10:14.929
nor did his departure put her at ease,

00:10:14.929 --> 00:10:20.289
even though the Prophet (peace be upon him) stood praying for an extended time.

00:10:20.289 --> 00:10:22.769
All of this was driven by jealousy,

00:10:22.769 --> 00:10:27.620
which strips away sound reasoning when responding to events.

00:10:27.620 --> 00:10:29.220
Fifth:

00:10:29.220 --> 00:10:34.820
Whatever ill suspicions a wife hides concerning her husband may remain concealed from him,

00:10:34.820 --> 00:10:37.700
but they are never hidden from Allah.

00:10:37.700 --> 00:10:45.539
Therefore, a woman must constantly bear in mind this reality stated by 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her):

00:10:45.539 --> 00:10:49.019
"Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it."

00:10:49.019 --> 00:10:50.690
Sixth:

00:10:50.690 --> 00:10:53.970
A wrongful deed committed by either a husband or a wife

00:10:53.970 --> 00:10:57.330
may leave telltale signs that reveal it,

00:10:57.409 --> 00:11:02.370
just as happened with 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) when her heavy breathing gave her away.

00:11:02.370 --> 00:11:05.809
For the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her:

00:11:05.809 --> 00:11:09.730
"What is the matter, O 'A'ish, panting with your chest heaving?"

00:11:09.730 --> 00:11:12.370
She replied, "It is nothing."

00:11:12.370 --> 00:11:17.809
He said, "You must tell me, or the Subtle and All-Aware will inform me."

00:11:17.809 --> 00:11:21.250
Indeed, 'A'ishah was gasping for breath,

00:11:21.250 --> 00:11:25.649
her stomach rising and falling from her rapid breathing,

00:11:25.649 --> 00:11:28.210
because she had been running fast

00:11:28.210 --> 00:11:33.009
to reach home before the Prophet (peace be upon him).

00:11:33.009 --> 00:11:36.370
The Prophet (peace be upon him) had left her

00:11:36.370 --> 00:11:39.330
believing she was fast asleep,

00:11:39.330 --> 00:11:41.889
and in such a state, one is expected

00:11:41.889 --> 00:11:44.879
to be in the utmost tranquility and rest.

00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:49.200
Thus, this physical sign exposed her jealousy

00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:55.100
and the resulting act of following the Prophet (peace be upon him).

00:11:55.100 --> 00:11:57.500
So, O Muslim woman,

00:11:57.500 --> 00:12:00.220
beware of the consequences of your jealousy

00:12:00.220 --> 00:12:03.500
if it is not governed by the limits of the Shariah,

00:12:03.500 --> 00:12:05.820
for it can lead you to ruin

00:12:05.820 --> 00:12:10.429
through groundless suspicions and unseemly actions.

00:12:10.429 --> 00:12:13.870
We shall continue in a future gathering, if Allah wills.

00:12:13.870 --> 00:12:19.860
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

00:12:19.860 --> 00:12:23.379
Our Mother 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.