In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Categories of men.
Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
So that you may be among the best of men.
My dear brother, the husband.
This is the conclusion of our Ramadan series.
On the explanation and reflection of the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
In clarifying the categories of men.
I have made these quick pieces of advice for myself and for you.
May Allah make me and you.
Among the best of men to their wives.
Firstly, Allah has commanded us to follow.
His Prophet, peace be upon him.
For He said: "There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah.
An excellent pattern."
And part of this following.
Is following the way he treated his wives.
And this following of the Prophet, peace be upon him, cannot be realized.
Except through our knowledge of his biography with his wives.
This means that we should read extensively the hadiths.
Related to the biography of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
With his wives.
From the books of hadith.
And from the books that have specifically collected these hadiths.
Such as the book *Husn al-Uswah*.
*Fima Thabata ‘an Allah wa Rasulihi fi al-Niswa* (The Best Example: Regarding What Has Been Authenticated from Allah and His Messenger Concerning Women).
By Siddiq Hasan Khan.
And the book.
*Mawsu‘at Ahadith al-Mar’ah fi al-Kutub al-Sittah* (Encyclopedia of Hadiths Concerning Women in the Six Books).
By ‘Adil al-Hamad.
Secondly.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, described.
His life with his wives in a general description.
For he said:
"The best of you is the best of you to his family.
And I am the best of you to my family."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
Ibn ‘Uthaymin, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"If there is goodness in you.
Then place it with those closest to you.
And let them be the first to benefit from this goodness."
This is the opposite of what some people do today.
You find him ill-mannered with his family.
But well-mannered with others.
This is a grave error.
Your family is more deserving of your good conduct.
Treat them with the best of character.
Because they are the ones who are with you.
Night and day.
In private and in public.
If something befalls you, they suffer with you.
If you are happy, they rejoice with you.
And if you are sad, they grieve with you.
So let your treatment of them.
Be better than your treatment of strangers.
For the best of people is the best of them to his family.
Thirdly, my dear brother, the husband.
In order to achieve excellence in your treatment of your family.
You must adhere to these matters.
First.
Strive against your soul to adorn yourself with noble character.
By reflecting on the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
We find that everyone whom his wife praised.
She praised for his good character.
And everyone whom his wife criticized.
She criticized for his poor character.
This means that the most important issue you should attend to.
After attending to your religion.
Is your character.
That is why he, peace be upon him, said:
"If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to you.
Then marry him off."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
Character is part of the religion.
But the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Emphasized it because there are people who perform their worship to Allah well.
Yet they are ill-mannered with people.
And these are among the bankrupt losers on the Day of Resurrection.
He, peace be upon him, said:
"The bankrupt one of my Ummah is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting, and zakat.
But he comes having insulted this one, slandered that one.
Consumed the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one, and struck this one.
So this one is given from his good deeds, and that one is given from his good deeds.
And if his good deeds are exhausted before what is due from him is settled.
Then their sins are taken and cast upon him.
Then he is cast into the Fire."
So do not be one of them, my dear brother, the husband.
Second, apply all the hadiths regarding good treatment of people to your wife.
Some believe that the hadiths urging good treatment of people.
Such as a cheerful face and smiling.
Bringing joy to a Muslim.
Helping people in all its forms.
And striving to care for widows and the needy.
Some believe that this applies to everyone.
Except for the wife and the household.
This is a grave error.
Which, if you fall into it, my dear brother, the husband.
You miss out on many good deeds.
And you miss out on happiness in your home and with your wife.
Reflect on the good deeds that come to you from these actions.
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
"That you leave your heirs wealthy.
Is better than that you leave them dependent, begging from people.
And you will not spend any expenditure seeking thereby the Face of Allah.
But you will be rewarded for it, even for what you place in the mouth of your wife."
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
And the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
"And in the intimate act of any of you is a charity."
They said: "O Messenger of Allah.
Does one of us fulfill his desire and have a reward in it?"
He said: "Do you see, if he placed it in a forbidden act.
Would he have a sin in it?"
Likewise, if he places it in the lawful, he has a reward.
Narrated by Muslim.
These hadiths, my dear brother, the husband.
Inform you of the volume of good deeds that come to you.
Because of your gentle treatment of your wife.
And imagine the volume of happiness that will overwhelm her heart with this treatment.
Which is part of the joy you bring to her.
Third.
Consider your wife a continuous charity for you.
And a door of goodness whose reward does not cease.
And to achieve this point.
Apply this hadith to your wife.
And I will place the word "your wife" in small text.
So that the meaning becomes clear to you.
On the authority of ‘Umar that a man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him.
And said: "O Messenger of Allah.
Which of the people is most beloved to Allah?
And which of the deeds is most beloved to Allah?"
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
"The most beloved of people to Allah.
Is the most beneficial of them to people—to your wife.
And the most beloved of deeds to Allah.
Is a joy you bring to a Muslim.
To your wife.
Or you relieve him of a distress.
Or her.
Or you pay off a debt for him.
Or for her.
Or you drive away hunger from him.
Or from her.
And that I walk with a brother of mine for a need.
Or with my wife.
Is more beloved to me than that I seclude myself in this mosque for a month."
Meaning the mosque of Medina.
"And whoever restrains his anger toward his wife.
Allah will conceal his faults.
And whoever suppresses his rage toward his wife.
Even though he could have acted upon it, he refrained.
Allah will fill his heart with hope on the Day of Resurrection.
And whoever walks with a brother—with his wife.
For a need until he establishes it for her.
Allah will make his feet firm on the day when feet slip."
Narrated by al-Tabarani in *al-Kabir*.
Fourth.
Pray for her in her absence.
Especially during your prostration.
Supplication for people.
Does not come except from a loving heart.
And I believe that you, my dear brother, the husband.
Love your wife.
So have you prayed for her in her absence?
Or in your prayer?
On the authority of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
That she said:
"When I saw from the Prophet, peace be upon him.
A good mood.
I said: 'O Messenger of Allah.
Pray to Allah for me.'"
So he said:
"O Allah, forgive ‘A’ishah.
Her past sins.
And her future ones.
What she kept secret and what she made public."
So ‘A’ishah laughed.
Until her head fell into her lap.
From laughter.
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said to her:
"Does my supplication please you?"
She said:
"And why would your supplication not please me?"
He said:
"By Allah, it is my supplication for my Ummah.
In every prayer."
Narrated by Ibn Hibban.
Fifth.
Stay away from the spoilers.
Of marital life.
The spoilers of marital life.
Are many.
But I warn you, my dear brother, the husband.
Against two things.
The first.
Casting glances at the faces of women.
This looking.
Will not end except with the fear of Allah.
And the fear of His punishment.
Otherwise, the faces
of beautiful women are endless;
for every time you look at one woman,
another appears with the best
of what she has to offer.
Especially since Satan beautifies
the forbidden for you,
while making the lawful seem repulsive to you.
Looking at what is forbidden
is among the sins that may cause separation
between you and your wife.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
"No two people are brought together
and then separated
except by a sin
committed by one of them."
Narrated by Ahmad.
The second point:
Comparing what you see
or hear with your own wife.
This is one of the most dangerous things
for your heart and your mental state,
because you will never be content
with what you have,
and it is the beginning of problems with your wife.
It may well be that the cause
of the divorce of Umm Zar'
was what Abu Zar' fell into
by casting his gaze upon other women
and making comparisons between
what he saw and his wife,
which is a sin that caused separation
between them.
In conclusion,
I ask Allah to grant you happiness, dear brother,
with your noble wife,
to fill your heart with love for her,
and for you to be
the most beloved of people to her.
We will meet you,
my brothers and sisters, in a
coming Ramadan series,
if Allah wills.
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
May the peace and blessings of Allah be
upon our Prophet Muhammad,
and upon his family,
and all of his Companions.