WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:08.210 Categories of men. 00:00:08.210 --> 00:00:16.629 Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:00:16.629 --> 00:00:21.980 So that you may be among the best of men. 00:00:21.980 --> 00:00:23.980 My dear brother, the husband. 00:00:23.980 --> 00:00:26.980 This is the conclusion of our Ramadan series. 00:00:26.980 --> 00:00:29.980 On the explanation and reflection of the hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:00:29.980 --> 00:00:31.980 In clarifying the categories of men. 00:00:31.980 --> 00:00:34.979 I have made these quick pieces of advice for myself and for you. 00:00:34.979 --> 00:00:37.979 May Allah make me and you. 00:00:37.979 --> 00:00:41.039 Among the best of men to their wives. 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:44.039 Firstly, Allah has commanded us to follow. 00:00:44.039 --> 00:00:47.039 His Prophet, peace be upon him. 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:50.039 For He said: "There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah. 00:00:50.039 --> 00:00:52.039 An excellent pattern." 00:00:52.039 --> 00:00:54.039 And part of this following. 00:00:54.039 --> 00:00:58.039 Is following the way he treated his wives. 00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:02.039 And this following of the Prophet, peace be upon him, cannot be realized. 00:01:02.039 --> 00:01:06.040 Except through our knowledge of his biography with his wives. 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:10.040 This means that we should read extensively the hadiths. 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:13.040 Related to the biography of the Prophet, peace be upon him. 00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:15.040 With his wives. 00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:17.040 From the books of hadith. 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:20.040 And from the books that have specifically collected these hadiths. 00:01:20.040 --> 00:01:23.040 Such as the book *Husn al-Uswah*. 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:27.040 *Fima Thabata ‘an Allah wa Rasulihi fi al-Niswa* (The Best Example: Regarding What Has Been Authenticated from Allah and His Messenger Concerning Women). 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:29.040 By Siddiq Hasan Khan. 00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:31.040 And the book. 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:35.040 *Mawsu‘at Ahadith al-Mar’ah fi al-Kutub al-Sittah* (Encyclopedia of Hadiths Concerning Women in the Six Books). 00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:37.420 By ‘Adil al-Hamad. 00:01:37.420 --> 00:01:38.420 Secondly. 00:01:38.420 --> 00:01:41.420 The Prophet, peace be upon him, described. 00:01:41.420 --> 00:01:44.420 His life with his wives in a general description. 00:01:44.420 --> 00:01:45.420 For he said: 00:01:45.420 --> 00:01:48.420 "The best of you is the best of you to his family. 00:01:48.420 --> 00:01:51.420 And I am the best of you to my family." 00:01:51.420 --> 00:01:53.459 Narrated by al-Tirmidhi. 00:01:53.459 --> 00:01:55.459 Ibn ‘Uthaymin, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:01:55.459 --> 00:01:57.459 "If there is goodness in you. 00:01:57.459 --> 00:02:00.459 Then place it with those closest to you. 00:02:00.459 --> 00:02:04.459 And let them be the first to benefit from this goodness." 00:02:04.459 --> 00:02:07.459 This is the opposite of what some people do today. 00:02:07.459 --> 00:02:10.460 You find him ill-mannered with his family. 00:02:10.460 --> 00:02:12.460 But well-mannered with others. 00:02:12.460 --> 00:02:15.460 This is a grave error. 00:02:15.460 --> 00:02:18.460 Your family is more deserving of your good conduct. 00:02:18.460 --> 00:02:20.460 Treat them with the best of character. 00:02:20.460 --> 00:02:22.460 Because they are the ones who are with you. 00:02:22.460 --> 00:02:24.460 Night and day. 00:02:24.460 --> 00:02:26.460 In private and in public. 00:02:26.460 --> 00:02:29.460 If something befalls you, they suffer with you. 00:02:29.460 --> 00:02:31.460 If you are happy, they rejoice with you. 00:02:31.460 --> 00:02:34.460 And if you are sad, they grieve with you. 00:02:34.460 --> 00:02:36.460 So let your treatment of them. 00:02:36.460 --> 00:02:39.460 Be better than your treatment of strangers. 00:02:39.460 --> 00:02:44.379 For the best of people is the best of them to his family. 00:02:44.379 --> 00:02:47.379 Thirdly, my dear brother, the husband. 00:02:47.379 --> 00:02:51.379 In order to achieve excellence in your treatment of your family. 00:02:51.379 --> 00:02:54.379 You must adhere to these matters. 00:02:54.379 --> 00:02:55.379 First. 00:02:55.379 --> 00:02:59.610 Strive against your soul to adorn yourself with noble character. 00:02:59.610 --> 00:03:02.610 By reflecting on the hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:03:02.610 --> 00:03:05.610 We find that everyone whom his wife praised. 00:03:05.610 --> 00:03:07.610 She praised for his good character. 00:03:07.610 --> 00:03:09.610 And everyone whom his wife criticized. 00:03:09.610 --> 00:03:12.610 She criticized for his poor character. 00:03:12.610 --> 00:03:16.610 This means that the most important issue you should attend to. 00:03:16.610 --> 00:03:18.610 After attending to your religion. 00:03:18.610 --> 00:03:20.610 Is your character. 00:03:20.610 --> 00:03:23.610 That is why he, peace be upon him, said: 00:03:23.610 --> 00:03:27.610 "If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to you. 00:03:27.610 --> 00:03:29.610 Then marry him off." 00:03:29.610 --> 00:03:31.669 Narrated by al-Tirmidhi. 00:03:31.669 --> 00:03:33.669 Character is part of the religion. 00:03:33.669 --> 00:03:36.669 But the Prophet, peace be upon him. 00:03:36.669 --> 00:03:41.669 Emphasized it because there are people who perform their worship to Allah well. 00:03:41.669 --> 00:03:44.669 Yet they are ill-mannered with people. 00:03:44.669 --> 00:03:48.669 And these are among the bankrupt losers on the Day of Resurrection. 00:03:48.669 --> 00:03:51.669 He, peace be upon him, said: 00:03:51.669 --> 00:03:57.669 "The bankrupt one of my Ummah is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting, and zakat. 00:03:57.669 --> 00:04:01.669 But he comes having insulted this one, slandered that one. 00:04:01.669 --> 00:04:06.669 Consumed the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one, and struck this one. 00:04:06.669 --> 00:04:10.669 So this one is given from his good deeds, and that one is given from his good deeds. 00:04:10.669 --> 00:04:15.669 And if his good deeds are exhausted before what is due from him is settled. 00:04:15.669 --> 00:04:18.670 Then their sins are taken and cast upon him. 00:04:18.670 --> 00:04:20.670 Then he is cast into the Fire." 00:04:20.670 --> 00:04:23.829 So do not be one of them, my dear brother, the husband. 00:04:23.829 --> 00:04:29.829 Second, apply all the hadiths regarding good treatment of people to your wife. 00:04:29.829 --> 00:04:35.860 Some believe that the hadiths urging good treatment of people. 00:04:35.860 --> 00:04:38.860 Such as a cheerful face and smiling. 00:04:38.860 --> 00:04:41.860 Bringing joy to a Muslim. 00:04:41.860 --> 00:04:44.860 Helping people in all its forms. 00:04:44.860 --> 00:04:47.860 And striving to care for widows and the needy. 00:04:47.860 --> 00:04:50.860 Some believe that this applies to everyone. 00:04:50.860 --> 00:04:53.860 Except for the wife and the household. 00:04:53.860 --> 00:04:55.860 This is a grave error. 00:04:55.860 --> 00:04:58.860 Which, if you fall into it, my dear brother, the husband. 00:04:58.860 --> 00:05:01.860 You miss out on many good deeds. 00:05:01.860 --> 00:05:06.860 And you miss out on happiness in your home and with your wife. 00:05:06.860 --> 00:05:10.899 Reflect on the good deeds that come to you from these actions. 00:05:10.899 --> 00:05:15.019 The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: 00:05:15.019 --> 00:05:18.019 "That you leave your heirs wealthy. 00:05:18.019 --> 00:05:23.019 Is better than that you leave them dependent, begging from people. 00:05:23.019 --> 00:05:28.019 And you will not spend any expenditure seeking thereby the Face of Allah. 00:05:28.019 --> 00:05:33.019 But you will be rewarded for it, even for what you place in the mouth of your wife." 00:05:33.019 --> 00:05:35.019 Narrated by al-Bukhari. 00:05:35.019 --> 00:05:39.149 And the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: 00:05:39.149 --> 00:05:42.149 "And in the intimate act of any of you is a charity." 00:05:42.149 --> 00:05:44.149 They said: "O Messenger of Allah. 00:05:44.149 --> 00:05:49.149 Does one of us fulfill his desire and have a reward in it?" 00:05:49.149 --> 00:05:53.149 He said: "Do you see, if he placed it in a forbidden act. 00:05:53.149 --> 00:05:55.149 Would he have a sin in it?" 00:05:55.149 --> 00:06:01.149 Likewise, if he places it in the lawful, he has a reward. 00:06:01.149 --> 00:06:03.470 Narrated by Muslim. 00:06:03.470 --> 00:06:06.470 These hadiths, my dear brother, the husband. 00:06:06.470 --> 00:06:10.470 Inform you of the volume of good deeds that come to you. 00:06:10.470 --> 00:06:13.470 Because of your gentle treatment of your wife. 00:06:13.470 --> 00:06:18.470 And imagine the volume of happiness that will overwhelm her heart with this treatment. 00:06:18.470 --> 00:06:22.470 Which is part of the joy you bring to her. 00:06:22.470 --> 00:06:24.600 Third. 00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:27.600 Consider your wife a continuous charity for you. 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:32.600 And a door of goodness whose reward does not cease. 00:06:32.600 --> 00:06:35.660 And to achieve this point. 00:06:35.660 --> 00:06:38.660 Apply this hadith to your wife. 00:06:38.660 --> 00:06:41.660 And I will place the word "your wife" in small text. 00:06:41.660 --> 00:06:44.790 So that the meaning becomes clear to you. 00:06:44.790 --> 00:06:48.790 On the authority of ‘Umar that a man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him. 00:06:48.790 --> 00:06:51.790 And said: "O Messenger of Allah. 00:06:51.790 --> 00:06:54.790 Which of the people is most beloved to Allah? 00:06:54.790 --> 00:06:57.790 And which of the deeds is most beloved to Allah?" 00:06:57.790 --> 00:07:01.790 The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: 00:07:01.790 --> 00:07:03.790 "The most beloved of people to Allah. 00:07:03.790 --> 00:07:07.790 Is the most beneficial of them to people—to your wife. 00:07:07.790 --> 00:07:09.790 And the most beloved of deeds to Allah. 00:07:09.790 --> 00:07:12.790 Is a joy you bring to a Muslim. 00:07:12.790 --> 00:07:14.819 To your wife. 00:07:14.819 --> 00:07:16.819 Or you relieve him of a distress. 00:07:16.819 --> 00:07:18.819 Or her. 00:07:18.819 --> 00:07:20.819 Or you pay off a debt for him. 00:07:20.819 --> 00:07:22.819 Or for her. 00:07:22.819 --> 00:07:24.819 Or you drive away hunger from him. 00:07:24.819 --> 00:07:26.889 Or from her. 00:07:26.889 --> 00:07:29.889 And that I walk with a brother of mine for a need. 00:07:29.889 --> 00:07:31.889 Or with my wife. 00:07:31.889 --> 00:07:36.889 Is more beloved to me than that I seclude myself in this mosque for a month." 00:07:36.889 --> 00:07:38.889 Meaning the mosque of Medina. 00:07:38.889 --> 00:07:42.949 "And whoever restrains his anger toward his wife. 00:07:42.949 --> 00:07:44.949 Allah will conceal his faults. 00:07:44.949 --> 00:07:47.949 And whoever suppresses his rage toward his wife. 00:07:47.949 --> 00:07:50.949 Even though he could have acted upon it, he refrained. 00:07:50.949 --> 00:07:54.949 Allah will fill his heart with hope on the Day of Resurrection. 00:07:54.949 --> 00:07:59.050 And whoever walks with a brother—with his wife. 00:07:59.050 --> 00:08:02.050 For a need until he establishes it for her. 00:08:02.050 --> 00:08:06.050 Allah will make his feet firm on the day when feet slip." 00:08:06.050 --> 00:08:09.139 Narrated by al-Tabarani in *al-Kabir*. 00:08:09.139 --> 00:08:11.500 Fourth. 00:08:11.500 --> 00:08:13.500 Pray for her in her absence. 00:08:13.500 --> 00:08:15.500 Especially during your prostration. 00:08:15.500 --> 00:08:17.620 Supplication for people. 00:08:17.620 --> 00:08:20.620 Does not come except from a loving heart. 00:08:20.620 --> 00:08:23.620 And I believe that you, my dear brother, the husband. 00:08:23.620 --> 00:08:25.620 Love your wife. 00:08:25.620 --> 00:08:27.620 So have you prayed for her in her absence? 00:08:27.620 --> 00:08:29.620 Or in your prayer? 00:08:29.620 --> 00:08:31.660 On the authority of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. 00:08:31.660 --> 00:08:33.659 That she said: 00:08:33.659 --> 00:08:36.659 "When I saw from the Prophet, peace be upon him. 00:08:36.659 --> 00:08:38.659 A good mood. 00:08:38.659 --> 00:08:40.659 I said: 'O Messenger of Allah. 00:08:40.659 --> 00:08:42.659 Pray to Allah for me.'" 00:08:42.659 --> 00:08:44.659 So he said: 00:08:44.659 --> 00:08:46.659 "O Allah, forgive ‘A’ishah. 00:08:46.659 --> 00:08:48.659 Her past sins. 00:08:48.659 --> 00:08:50.659 And her future ones. 00:08:50.659 --> 00:08:52.659 What she kept secret and what she made public." 00:08:52.659 --> 00:08:54.659 So ‘A’ishah laughed. 00:08:54.659 --> 00:08:56.659 Until her head fell into her lap. 00:08:56.659 --> 00:08:58.690 From laughter. 00:08:58.690 --> 00:09:01.690 The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said to her: 00:09:02.690 --> 00:09:04.690 "Does my supplication please you?" 00:09:04.690 --> 00:09:06.690 She said: 00:09:06.690 --> 00:09:08.690 "And why would your supplication not please me?" 00:09:08.690 --> 00:09:10.750 He said: 00:09:10.750 --> 00:09:12.750 "By Allah, it is my supplication for my Ummah. 00:09:12.750 --> 00:09:14.750 In every prayer." 00:09:14.750 --> 00:09:16.820 Narrated by Ibn Hibban. 00:09:16.820 --> 00:09:18.980 Fifth. 00:09:18.980 --> 00:09:20.980 Stay away from the spoilers. 00:09:20.980 --> 00:09:22.980 Of marital life. 00:09:22.980 --> 00:09:25.139 The spoilers of marital life. 00:09:25.139 --> 00:09:27.139 Are many. 00:09:27.139 --> 00:09:29.139 But I warn you, my dear brother, the husband. 00:09:29.139 --> 00:09:31.139 Against two things. 00:09:31.139 --> 00:09:33.139 The first. 00:09:33.139 --> 00:09:35.139 Casting glances at the faces of women. 00:09:35.139 --> 00:09:37.139 This looking. 00:09:37.139 --> 00:09:39.139 Will not end except with the fear of Allah. 00:09:39.139 --> 00:09:41.139 And the fear of His punishment. 00:09:41.139 --> 00:09:43.139 Otherwise, the faces 00:09:43.139 --> 00:09:45.139 of beautiful women are endless; 00:09:45.139 --> 00:09:47.139 for every time you look at one woman, 00:09:47.139 --> 00:09:49.139 another appears with the best 00:09:49.139 --> 00:09:51.139 of what she has to offer. 00:09:51.139 --> 00:09:53.139 Especially since Satan beautifies 00:09:53.139 --> 00:09:55.139 the forbidden for you, 00:09:55.139 --> 00:09:57.139 while making the lawful seem repulsive to you. 00:09:57.139 --> 00:09:59.139 Looking at what is forbidden 00:09:59.139 --> 00:10:01.139 is among the sins that may cause separation 00:10:01.139 --> 00:10:03.139 between you and your wife. 00:10:03.139 --> 00:10:05.200 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: 00:10:05.200 --> 00:10:07.200 "No two people are brought together 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:09.200 and then separated 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:11.200 except by a sin 00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:13.200 committed by one of them." 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:15.200 Narrated by Ahmad. 00:10:15.200 --> 00:10:17.259 The second point: 00:10:17.259 --> 00:10:19.259 Comparing what you see 00:10:19.259 --> 00:10:21.259 or hear with your own wife. 00:10:21.299 --> 00:10:23.299 This is one of the most dangerous things 00:10:23.299 --> 00:10:25.299 for your heart and your mental state, 00:10:25.299 --> 00:10:27.299 because you will never be content 00:10:27.299 --> 00:10:29.299 with what you have, 00:10:29.299 --> 00:10:31.299 and it is the beginning of problems with your wife. 00:10:31.299 --> 00:10:33.460 It may well be that the cause 00:10:33.460 --> 00:10:35.460 of the divorce of Umm Zar' 00:10:35.460 --> 00:10:37.460 was what Abu Zar' fell into 00:10:37.460 --> 00:10:39.460 by casting his gaze upon other women 00:10:39.460 --> 00:10:41.460 and making comparisons between 00:10:41.460 --> 00:10:43.460 what he saw and his wife, 00:10:43.460 --> 00:10:45.460 which is a sin that caused separation 00:10:45.460 --> 00:10:48.669 between them. 00:10:48.669 --> 00:10:50.669 In conclusion, 00:10:50.669 --> 00:10:52.669 I ask Allah to grant you happiness, dear brother, 00:10:52.669 --> 00:10:54.669 with your noble wife, 00:10:54.669 --> 00:10:56.669 to fill your heart with love for her, 00:10:56.669 --> 00:10:58.669 and for you to be 00:10:58.669 --> 00:11:00.669 the most beloved of people to her. 00:11:00.669 --> 00:11:02.830 We will meet you, 00:11:02.830 --> 00:11:04.830 my brothers and sisters, in a 00:11:04.830 --> 00:11:06.830 coming Ramadan series, 00:11:06.830 --> 00:11:08.830 if Allah wills. 00:11:08.830 --> 00:11:10.830 And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. 00:11:10.830 --> 00:11:12.830 May the peace and blessings of Allah be 00:11:12.830 --> 00:11:14.830 upon our Prophet Muhammad, 00:11:14.830 --> 00:11:16.830 and upon his family, 00:11:16.830 --> 00:11:18.830 and all of his Companions.