WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:16.949 Categories of Husbands in the Hadith of Umm Zar' 00:00:16.949 --> 00:00:25.129 "My husband wounds the head, breaks the bone, or combines all of them against you." 00:00:25.129 --> 00:00:30.129 The discussion continues regarding the suffering of the seventh woman with her husband, 00:00:30.129 --> 00:00:32.130 whom she described by saying: 00:00:32.130 --> 00:00:36.130 "He wounds your head, breaks your bone, or combines all of them against you." 00:00:36.130 --> 00:00:40.509 This category of men is violent toward his wife, 00:00:40.509 --> 00:00:42.509 frequently beating her, 00:00:42.509 --> 00:00:46.509 and he often combines with hitting other reprehensible traits, 00:00:46.509 --> 00:00:51.509 such as harshness, rudeness, quick and severe anger, 00:00:51.509 --> 00:00:55.859 along with a lack of wisdom in handling matters. 00:00:55.859 --> 00:00:59.859 Hitting a wife is one of the topics where imbalance has occurred 00:00:59.859 --> 00:01:03.859 in terms of understanding and practice among some people. 00:01:03.859 --> 00:01:08.859 Some of them completely reject and deny hitting altogether, 00:01:08.859 --> 00:01:11.859 while others misapply the hitting 00:01:11.859 --> 00:01:14.930 and exceed the bounds of Islamic law regarding it. 00:01:14.930 --> 00:01:17.930 Yet among them are those whose insight Allah has enlightened, 00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:23.150 who resort to hitting, if needed, strictly within the limits of Islamic law. 00:01:23.150 --> 00:01:27.150 The reason for people's differing attitudes toward a man hitting his wife 00:01:27.150 --> 00:01:31.150 lies in the concepts each group holds 00:01:31.150 --> 00:01:35.150 and the prevalent cultural norms in society. 00:01:35.150 --> 00:01:38.409 To rectify these concepts, 00:01:38.409 --> 00:01:42.409 we need to address the subject from several angles. 00:01:42.409 --> 00:01:45.409 First: Lawful hitting. 00:01:45.409 --> 00:01:47.409 Allah Almighty said: 00:01:47.409 --> 00:01:51.409 “Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34) 00:01:51.409 --> 00:01:54.409 “Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34) 00:01:54.409 --> 00:01:57.409 “Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34) 00:01:57.409 --> 00:02:03.409 “Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34) 00:02:03.409 --> 00:02:11.439 "And as for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them, forsake them in bed, and strike them; 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:16.439 but if they obey you, seek no means against them." 00:02:16.439 --> 00:02:20.439 “Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34) 00:02:20.439 --> 00:02:24.629 This is the verse that some people have misunderstood 00:02:24.629 --> 00:02:27.629 in all its detailed themes, 00:02:27.629 --> 00:02:30.629 such as the husband's guardianship over his wife, 00:02:30.629 --> 00:02:35.659 his right to discipline her, the stages of discipline, and so forth. 00:02:35.659 --> 00:02:39.659 It speaks of two types of women: 00:02:39.659 --> 00:02:42.659 The first type is the righteous woman, 00:02:42.659 --> 00:02:47.659 whom Allah praised in the verse and whose characteristics He clarified. 00:02:47.659 --> 00:02:50.659 The second type is the rebellious woman (nashiz), 00:02:50.659 --> 00:02:54.659 regarding whom He explained how to remedy her rebellion. 00:02:54.659 --> 00:02:58.659 The stages of discipline are not applied to the righteous woman, 00:02:58.659 --> 00:03:02.659 because she is righteous and not rebellious. 00:03:02.659 --> 00:03:07.659 A righteous woman like this is merely reminded if she forgets or errs in heedlessness, 00:03:07.659 --> 00:03:12.659 and that suffices her due to the faith Allah has placed in her heart. 00:03:12.659 --> 00:03:16.659 So if your wife is of this type, noble man, 00:03:16.659 --> 00:03:19.659 it is unlawful for you to hit her. 00:03:19.659 --> 00:03:22.659 But if she is of the second type, the rebellious one, 00:03:22.659 --> 00:03:25.659 do not rush through the stages 00:03:25.659 --> 00:03:28.659 and jump directly to hitting, 00:03:28.659 --> 00:03:31.659 for Allah has commanded you otherwise. 00:03:31.659 --> 00:03:34.759 Al-Tahir ibn Ashur (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:41.759 "His saying: 'admonish them, forsake them in bed, and strike them' 00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:43.759 intends an ordered sequence, 00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:46.759 as dictated by the order of their mention, 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:50.759 along with the obvious fact that combining all three at once is not intended. 00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:55.759 An ordered sequence is the default and immediate understanding of conjunction with 'and'." 00:03:55.759 --> 00:03:57.759 Sa'id ibn Jubayr said: 00:03:57.759 --> 00:04:01.759 "He admonishes her; if she complies, [it ends], otherwise he forsakes her; 00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:05.759 if she complies, [it ends], otherwise he strikes her." 00:04:05.759 --> 00:04:12.689 But what kind of hitting is he permitted to use in disciplining her? 00:04:13.819 --> 00:04:17.819 The scholars are unanimously agreed that this hitting is for discipline 00:04:17.819 --> 00:04:20.819 and not a strike of torture or harm. 00:04:20.819 --> 00:04:23.910 Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:04:23.910 --> 00:04:26.910 "His saying: 'and strike them' 00:04:26.910 --> 00:04:30.910 means: if they are not deterred by admonition nor by forsaking, 00:04:30.910 --> 00:04:34.910 then you may strike them with a non-severe strike, 00:04:34.910 --> 00:04:37.939 as is established in Sahih Muslim 00:04:37.939 --> 00:04:40.939 on the authority of Jabir from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), 00:04:40.939 --> 00:04:43.939 and as he said in the Farewell Pilgrimage: 00:04:43.939 --> 00:04:46.939 'Fear Allah concerning women, 00:04:46.939 --> 00:04:49.939 for they are like captives before you. 00:04:49.939 --> 00:04:54.939 Your right over them is that they do not permit anyone you dislike to step on your furnishings. 00:04:54.939 --> 00:04:59.939 But if they do so, strike them with a strike that is not severe, 00:04:59.939 --> 00:05:03.939 and they have the right to their provision and clothing according to what is customary.' 00:05:03.939 --> 00:05:06.939 And likewise said Ibn Abbas and many others: 00:05:06.939 --> 00:05:09.939 'A strike that is not severe.' 00:05:09.939 --> 00:05:11.939 Al-Hasan al-Basri said: 00:05:11.939 --> 00:05:13.939 'Meaning it leaves no mark.' 00:05:13.939 --> 00:05:15.939 The jurists said: 00:05:15.939 --> 00:05:17.939 'It means he must not break a bone in her, 00:05:17.939 --> 00:05:20.939 nor leave any mark upon her.' 00:05:20.939 --> 00:05:26.000 If the scholars' discussion on the nature of this hitting is 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:30.000 that it is a light blow that leaves no mark on her, 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:33.160 then what is the purpose of hitting? 00:05:33.160 --> 00:05:35.160 Whoever knows women well 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:39.160 knows that a woman is affected psychologically 00:05:39.160 --> 00:05:42.160 and may weep bitterly 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:45.160 if her husband strikes her with this light blow— 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:48.160 not because she is physically in pain, 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:51.160 but because she feels a loss of her standing 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:53.259 with the one who struck her. 00:05:53.259 --> 00:05:55.259 It also signifies another matter: 00:05:55.259 --> 00:05:57.259 namely, that the one who struck her 00:05:57.259 --> 00:06:00.259 is capable of taking steps she dislikes, 00:06:00.259 --> 00:06:03.259 such as divorce or taking a second wife. 00:06:03.259 --> 00:06:06.319 So if after this light strike 00:06:06.319 --> 00:06:09.319 she still possesses a living heart, 00:06:09.319 --> 00:06:12.319 the expectation is that she will abandon her rebellion, 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:15.319 return to her husband, and obey him. 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:18.319 Thereby the family is saved 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:21.319 from disintegration and rupture through her good sense. 00:06:21.319 --> 00:06:24.579 Muhammad Abu Zahrah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:06:24.579 --> 00:06:27.579 "The third remedy for rebellion 00:06:27.579 --> 00:06:30.579 is hitting, which is the most severe of them, 00:06:30.579 --> 00:06:32.579 and it is not resorted to 00:06:32.579 --> 00:06:35.579 except upon the failure of the previous two remedies. 00:06:35.579 --> 00:06:38.579 It is established that lawful hitting 00:06:38.579 --> 00:06:41.579 occurs when marital life reaches 00:06:41.579 --> 00:06:45.579 a stage where rebellion and separation are feared. 00:06:45.579 --> 00:06:48.579 The Sunnah has restricted it with two conditions: 00:06:48.579 --> 00:06:52.579 first, that it be non-severe; 00:06:52.579 --> 00:06:55.579 and second, that it be non-disfiguring, 00:06:55.579 --> 00:06:57.579 by not hitting the face, 00:06:57.579 --> 00:07:00.579 as explicitly stated in the Sunnah." 00:07:00.579 --> 00:07:02.579 Ibn Abbas was asked 00:07:02.579 --> 00:07:04.579 about the non-severe strike, 00:07:04.579 --> 00:07:08.579 and he said: "It is striking with a siwak (toothstick) or the like." 00:07:08.579 --> 00:07:10.579 This is the lawful striking; 00:07:10.579 --> 00:07:13.579 it is a symbolic gesture showing that discipline was warranted, 00:07:13.579 --> 00:07:15.639 rather than an actual beating. 00:07:15.639 --> 00:07:18.639 Al-Tahir ibn Ashur (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:21.639 "It appears that the permission to strike 00:07:21.639 --> 00:07:25.639 is to address delicate circumstances between spouses; 00:07:25.639 --> 00:07:29.639 thus the husband was permitted to strike his wife a strike of reform 00:07:29.639 --> 00:07:32.639 aimed at restoring marital cohabitation between them. 00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:35.639 If he exceeds what the state of her rebellion warrants, 00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:39.699 he is a transgressor." 00:07:39.699 --> 00:07:43.699 These delicate circumstances the scholars speak of 00:07:43.699 --> 00:07:45.699 are a woman's defiance of the man 00:07:45.699 --> 00:07:48.699 and acting haughtily toward him in various ways, 00:07:48.699 --> 00:07:50.699 which humiliates the man 00:07:50.699 --> 00:07:53.699 and undermines his authority in the home. 00:07:53.699 --> 00:07:56.699 The most severe of this on a man's psyche 00:07:56.699 --> 00:07:59.699 is what the rebellious wife does in front of his children, 00:07:59.699 --> 00:08:02.699 causing the children to rebel against him because of her. 00:08:02.699 --> 00:08:05.860 Muhammad Rashid Rida (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:08:05.860 --> 00:08:08.860 "Furthermore, most of the jurists 00:08:08.860 --> 00:08:11.860 who specifically restricted the legal rebellion 00:08:11.860 --> 00:08:13.860 that permits hitting— 00:08:13.860 --> 00:08:15.860 if needed to eliminate it— 00:08:15.860 --> 00:08:17.860 to a few acts, 00:08:17.860 --> 00:08:20.860 such as defying the man in bed 00:08:20.860 --> 00:08:23.860 and leaving the home without an excuse, 00:08:23.860 --> 00:08:25.860 and some of whom considered her refusing beautification 00:08:25.860 --> 00:08:28.860 when he requests it to be rebellion, 00:08:28.860 --> 00:08:31.860 and stated that he may also strike her 00:08:31.860 --> 00:08:34.860 for abandoning religious obligations 00:08:34.860 --> 00:08:36.860 such as ritual washing and prayer— 00:08:36.860 --> 00:08:39.919 the apparent meaning is that rebellion is broader, 00:08:39.919 --> 00:08:41.919 encompassing every act of defiance 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:43.919 rooted in haughtiness and refusal. 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:45.919 This is supported by His saying: 00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:47.919 'But if they obey you, 00:08:47.919 --> 00:08:50.919 seek no means against them.'" 00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:55.490 Thus, we are faced with two choices and no third 00:08:55.490 --> 00:08:57.490 in dealing with a rebellious wife 00:08:57.490 --> 00:08:59.490 with whom 00:08:59.490 --> 00:09:01.490 neither admonition nor forsaking has worked: 00:09:01.490 --> 00:09:03.490 either we permit the man 00:09:03.490 --> 00:09:05.490 to employ what Allah has made permissible 00:09:05.490 --> 00:09:07.490 for him of light striking 00:09:07.490 --> 00:09:09.490 that disciplines the woman 00:09:09.490 --> 00:09:11.490 and restores her to good sense, 00:09:11.490 --> 00:09:13.490 or the family is shattered 00:09:13.490 --> 00:09:15.490 through the destruction of the man's authority 00:09:15.490 --> 00:09:17.490 or by divorce. 00:09:17.490 --> 00:09:22.610 We will continue in an upcoming session, if Allah wills. 00:09:22.610 --> 00:09:25.610 And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.