In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Men's items
In the hadith of Umm Zara’
When a woman talks about her husband
A woman loves to talk about her husband
And that should be the focus of her talk
There is no surprise in that
The nature of women is completely different from the nature of men
This council is only an example of women's councils
And what is said about his wives
Ibn Hajar, may God have mercy on him, said commenting on the story of this council:
And it is the business of women if they speak
Their conversation should only be about men
This is unlike men
Most of their talk is regarding matters of livelihood
But what are the rules for talking about husbands between women?
First, beware of backbiting
God Almighty forbids backbiting
He said, “Do not backbite one another.”
The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, explained the meaning of backbiting, saying:
Do you know what backbiting is?
They said: God and His Messenger know best
He said: He reminded you of your brother in a way that he dislikes
It was said: What do you think if there is something in my brother that I say?
He said, "If what you say is true, then you backbited him."
If it is not in it, then it has guided him
Narrated by Muslim
The wife is the one most aware of the husband's faults
And it is
Therefore, he concealed her and she concealed him
If you talk between women about something that the husband hates
I fell into occultation
Women often fall into backbiting
When she talks to her mother and sisters about her husband
The fact that she wants someone to talk to her does not exempt her from sin
Because disclosing what the husband dislikes is backbiting that makes the woman sinful
What should a woman do if problems arise between her and her husband?
She wanted to air her concerns
This is one of the cases that most ensnare a woman in backbiting
How can a woman avoid it?
So that the woman avoids falling into backbiting in this case
She must take two things into consideration
Firstly
Choose well who you talk to
Which is required
The ability to provide advice and guidance for such problems
To have the ability to control the mind and control emotions
Secondly
Her intention should be to solve the problem
And not just venting
Since women are emotional by nature
Her emotion overpowers her reason
It may not be appropriate to consult on marital problems that need to be heard by both parties
However, her experiences can be used to provide advice and guidance in making marital life a success
Evidence that it is permissible to talk about the husband in a way that he dislikes
In order to solve the problem or referendum
Hind bint Atba’s conversation with her husband
On the authority of Aisha, may God be pleased with her
Hind bint Atba said:
O Messenger of God
Abu Sufyan is a stingy man
He does not give me enough for me and my child
Except what I took from him and he did not know
And he said
Take what is sufficient for you and your child, according to what is reasonable
Narrated by Al-Bukhari
The question here
Is what happened by women in this council considered backbiting?
Is it permissible to emulate them in this act?
The answer is yes
This is backbiting
Because each woman knows the other
She knows who her husband is
They should not be imitated in this action
A group comes together
And each one talks about her husband
But updating it is now permissible
Because the women who do not meet are unknown
Their husbands are also unknown
Mentioning about them is not considered backbiting
Judge Iyad, may God have mercy on him, said
Some scholars have inferred from this hadith
To mention the bad and the defect
If someone mentions him in a way that his name and eyes are not known
It is not backbiting
But backbiting
To mean something specific that he dislikes
The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace
He told about some of these women
What they mentioned about their husbands' faults
He does not talk about himself or others, may God bless him and grant him peace
Except what is permissible and permissible
What is the point of mentioning these women?
If their action was backbiting
Firstly
If there was no benefit in mentioning their story
When Aisha, may God be pleased with her, told her
When the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, listened to her speech
Without denial
Secondly
Remember stories like this to learn a lesson
And benefit from the experiences of others
Judge Iyad, may God have mercy on him, said
And there is some jurisprudence in it
It is permissible to talk about empty nations
And bygone generations and past centuries
He gave them examples
Because in his conduct he is considered for the considered
And clairvoyance for the clairvoyant
And extracting benefit for the extensive researcher
In this hadith
Especially if it happens to women
A benefit in urging loyalty to Ba'ullah
And mourning for shortness of mind and heart towards them
And thanks for all they do
And get along well with them
Like a mother's condition
And what appeared to be her admiration for Abu Zara’
Congratulations to him and all his family
He thanked her for his kindness to her
Everything after it is made small
Because of her story, it was a topic of conversation
It also occurred in some narrations
Including the introduction to the patience of others
whose husbands We blamed
And the media about the bad behavior they endured
And the ferocity of their morals
Let women emulate this
Whoever has reached her experience of patience
Secondly
Don't mince words
Women have the power to change reality
Without falling into lies
We saw it in a previous episode
Evidence of this
It is not permissible for a woman to talk about her husband
To deceive the listener into something that is not in her husband
Of bad qualities
Third
Do not deny your husband's benevolence
The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, told
That most of the women go to Hell
It is ungrateful for the husband's benevolence
He said: I showed you the fire
So most of its people are women
They disbelieve
It was said: Do they disbelieve in God?
He said: “The husband and wife are ungrateful.”
And they deny charity
Then she saw something from you
She said: I have never seen anything good from you
Narrated by Al-Bukhari
Fourth, do not lie
Lying is a major sin
It is one of the worst manners in dealing with people
And the woman when talking about her husband
You may lie and slander him
Or with praise to appear in front of women
On behalf of herself or her husband
On the authority of Ikrimah, Rifa'ta divorced his wife
So Abdul Rahman bin Al-Zubair Al-Qardi married her
Aisha said
She is wearing a green veil
So she complained to her and showed her green skin
When the Messenger of God came
Women support each other
Aisha said
I have seen what happens to believing women
Her skin is greener than her dress
He said and heard it
She came to the Messenger of God
Then he came with two of his sons from another country
She said, “By God, I am not at fault.”
However, what he has is not richer
About me from this
She took a fringe from her dress
I repent, by God, O Messenger of God
I will shake it off, I will shake it off
But she is an outlier who wants prosperity
The Messenger of God said
If so, it is not permissible for him
Or you did not prepare it for him so that he could taste it
From your honey
He said and saw two of his sons with him
And these are your sons, he said
He said this is what you claim
Whatever you claim, by God
To them, it resembles a crow to a crow
Narrated by Al-Bukhari
This woman lied to her husband
You threw what was not in it to get it
On divorce, she returns to her first husband
But God revealed the truth of what she said
The Messenger responded to her
So be careful
When you talk about your husband
We will continue in an upcoming meeting, God willing
Praise be to God, Lord of the worlds