WEBVTT 00:00:00.020 --> 00:00:03.020 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 00:00:03.020 --> 00:00:08.220 Categories of men. 00:00:08.220 --> 00:00:13.220 Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:00:13.220 --> 00:00:22.089 When a woman speaks about her husband. 00:00:22.089 --> 00:00:25.089 A woman loves to talk about her husband. 00:00:25.089 --> 00:00:28.089 And for him to be the focus of her conversation. 00:00:28.089 --> 00:00:30.089 There is nothing strange in that. 00:00:30.089 --> 00:00:34.090 For the nature of a woman is completely different from the nature of a man. 00:00:34.090 --> 00:00:38.090 This gathering is merely an example of women’s gatherings. 00:00:38.090 --> 00:00:42.090 And the talk that circulates within them regarding their husbands. 00:00:42.090 --> 00:00:47.149 Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on the story of this gathering: 00:00:47.149 --> 00:00:51.149 "It is in the nature of women, when they converse, 00:00:51.149 --> 00:00:55.149 that their talk is usually about men." 00:00:55.149 --> 00:00:58.149 This is unlike men. 00:00:58.149 --> 00:01:03.149 For the majority of their conversation concerns matters of livelihood. 00:01:04.760 --> 00:01:09.819 But what are the guidelines for talking about one's husband among women? 00:01:09.819 --> 00:01:12.819 First: Beware of backbiting (ghibah). 00:01:12.819 --> 00:01:15.920 Allah the Almighty has forbidden backbiting. 00:01:15.920 --> 00:01:19.920 He said: ﴾...and do not backbite one another...﴿ 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:24.920 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, explained the meaning of backbiting, saying: 00:01:24.920 --> 00:01:26.920 "Do you know what backbiting is?" 00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:30.920 They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." 00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:34.920 He said, "Your mentioning your brother with that which he dislikes." 00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:38.920 It was asked, "What if what I say about my brother is true?" 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:43.920 He said, "If what you say is true, then you have backbitten him. 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:47.950 And if it is not true, then you have slandered him." 00:01:47.950 --> 00:01:50.019 Narrated by Muslim. 00:01:50.019 --> 00:01:54.019 A wife is the one who knows her husband’s faults most intimately. 00:01:54.019 --> 00:01:55.019 And that is how it is. 00:01:55.019 --> 00:01:58.019 Therefore, he is a garment for her, and she is a garment for him. 00:01:58.019 --> 00:02:02.019 So, if she speaks among women about something the husband dislikes, 00:02:02.019 --> 00:02:05.109 she has fallen into backbiting. 00:02:05.109 --> 00:02:08.110 A woman most often falls into backbiting 00:02:08.110 --> 00:02:12.110 when she talks to her mother and sisters about her husband. 00:02:12.110 --> 00:02:18.240 The notion that she is just "venting" to someone does not absolve her of sin. 00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:24.430 Because venting about what the husband dislikes is backbiting for which the woman is sinful. 00:02:24.430 --> 00:02:29.430 So, what should a woman do if problems arise between her and her husband? 00:02:29.430 --> 00:02:32.530 And she wants to unburden her worries? 00:02:32.530 --> 00:02:37.530 This is one of the situations that most often causes a woman to fall into backbiting. 00:02:37.530 --> 00:02:40.750 So how can a woman avoid it? 00:02:40.750 --> 00:02:44.750 To avoid falling into backbiting in this situation, 00:02:44.750 --> 00:02:47.750 she must observe two things. 00:02:47.750 --> 00:02:48.750 First: 00:02:48.750 --> 00:02:51.750 She must choose carefully whom she speaks to. 00:02:51.750 --> 00:02:53.750 It is required that this person: 00:02:53.750 --> 00:02:58.750 Has the ability to offer advice and guidance for such problems. 00:02:58.750 --> 00:03:03.750 Possesses the ability to exercise reason and control emotion. 00:03:03.750 --> 00:03:04.819 Second: 00:03:04.819 --> 00:03:07.819 Her intention must be to reach a solution to the problem, 00:03:07.819 --> 00:03:10.819 not just to vent. 00:03:10.819 --> 00:03:14.039 And since a woman is emotional by nature, 00:03:14.039 --> 00:03:16.039 her emotions often overcome her reason. 00:03:16.039 --> 00:03:23.039 It may not be appropriate for her to be consulted on marital problems that require hearing from both sides. 00:03:23.039 --> 00:03:31.039 However, one can benefit from her experiences in seeking advice and guidance for a successful marital life. 00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:35.259 The evidence for the permissibility of speaking about a husband regarding what he dislikes 00:03:35.259 --> 00:03:38.259 for the sake of solving a problem or seeking a legal ruling (fatwa) 00:03:38.259 --> 00:03:42.259 is the hadith of Hind bint ‘Utbah with her husband. 00:03:42.259 --> 00:03:44.300 For it is narrated from ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, 00:03:44.300 --> 00:03:47.300 that Hind bint ‘Utbah said: 00:03:47.300 --> 00:03:49.300 "O Messenger of Allah, 00:03:49.300 --> 00:03:52.300 Abu Sufyan is a stingy man. 00:03:52.300 --> 00:03:55.300 He does not give me what is sufficient for me and my children, 00:03:55.300 --> 00:03:58.300 except what I take from him without his knowledge." 00:03:58.300 --> 00:04:00.300 He said: 00:04:00.300 --> 00:04:03.300 "Take what is sufficient for you and your children in a reasonable manner." 00:04:03.300 --> 00:04:05.300 Narrated by al-Bukhari. 00:04:05.300 --> 00:04:07.389 The question here is: 00:04:07.389 --> 00:04:11.389 Is what occurred among the women in this gathering considered backbiting? 00:04:11.389 --> 00:04:15.389 And is it permissible to take them as an example in this action? 00:04:15.389 --> 00:04:17.550 The answer is: Yes, 00:04:17.550 --> 00:04:19.550 this is a form of backbiting. 00:04:20.550 --> 00:04:23.550 Because each woman among them knew the others, 00:04:23.550 --> 00:04:25.550 and knew who their husbands were. 00:04:25.550 --> 00:04:29.550 Therefore, it is not permissible to take them as an example in this action. 00:04:29.550 --> 00:04:31.550 If a group gathers, 00:04:31.550 --> 00:04:34.550 and each one talks about her husband, [that is forbidden]. 00:04:34.550 --> 00:04:38.810 However, narrating the hadith now is permissible, 00:04:38.810 --> 00:04:41.810 because the women who gathered are unknown, 00:04:41.810 --> 00:04:44.810 and their husbands are likewise unknown. 00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:48.810 So, mentioning the story about them is not considered backbiting. 00:04:48.810 --> 00:04:51.870 Qadi ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:04:51.870 --> 00:04:54.870 "Some scholars deduced from this hadith 00:04:54.870 --> 00:04:57.870 that mentioning evil or a fault, 00:04:57.870 --> 00:05:01.870 if one mentions it without identifying the person by name or identity, 00:05:01.870 --> 00:05:03.870 is not backbiting. 00:05:03.870 --> 00:05:05.870 Rather, backbiting is 00:05:05.870 --> 00:05:08.870 to intend a specific person with what he dislikes. 00:05:08.870 --> 00:05:11.870 For the Prophet, peace be upon him, 00:05:11.870 --> 00:05:13.870 narrated about some of these women 00:05:13.870 --> 00:05:16.870 what they mentioned of their husbands' faults, 00:05:16.870 --> 00:05:20.870 and he, peace be upon him, would not narrate about himself or others 00:05:20.870 --> 00:05:23.870 except what is permissible and lawful." 00:05:23.870 --> 00:05:29.060 What is the benefit of mentioning the story of these women 00:05:29.060 --> 00:05:32.060 if their action was backbiting? 00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:33.120 First: 00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:36.120 If there were no benefit in mentioning their story, 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:40.120 ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, would not have narrated it, 00:05:40.120 --> 00:05:44.120 and the Prophet, peace be upon him, would not have listened to her narration 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:46.120 without disapproval. 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:47.250 Second: 00:05:47.250 --> 00:05:50.250 Such stories are mentioned to take a lesson, 00:05:50.250 --> 00:05:53.250 and to benefit from the experiences of others. 00:05:53.250 --> 00:05:56.339 Qadi ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:05:56.339 --> 00:05:58.339 "In it is the fiqh of 00:05:58.339 --> 00:06:01.339 the permissibility of talking about past nations, 00:06:01.339 --> 00:06:04.339 bygone generations, and past centuries, 00:06:04.339 --> 00:06:07.339 and drawing lessons from them. 00:06:07.339 --> 00:06:10.339 For in their history is a lesson for the one who takes heed, 00:06:10.339 --> 00:06:13.339 and insight for the one who seeks it, 00:06:13.339 --> 00:06:16.339 and a source of benefit for the diligent researcher. 00:06:16.339 --> 00:06:18.339 For in this hadith, 00:06:18.339 --> 00:06:21.339 especially when narrated to women, 00:06:21.339 --> 00:06:25.339 is a benefit in encouraging loyalty to husbands, 00:06:25.339 --> 00:06:28.339 and a recommendation to lower one's gaze and heart toward them, 00:06:28.339 --> 00:06:31.339 and to be grateful for all their actions, 00:06:31.339 --> 00:06:33.339 and to maintain good companionship with them. 00:06:33.339 --> 00:06:35.339 Like the case of Umm Zar‘, 00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:38.339 and what appeared of her admiration for Abu Zar‘, 00:06:38.339 --> 00:06:41.339 and her praise for him and all his family, 00:06:41.339 --> 00:06:43.339 and her gratitude for his kindness toward her, 00:06:43.339 --> 00:06:46.339 and her finding everything else insignificant after him. 00:06:46.339 --> 00:06:49.540 And because of her story, the hadith was brought forth, 00:06:49.540 --> 00:06:52.540 as occurred and was clarified in some narrations. 00:06:52.540 --> 00:06:55.540 Along with the benefit of acknowledging the patience of the others 00:06:55.540 --> 00:06:58.540 whose husbands we criticized, 00:06:58.540 --> 00:07:01.540 and informing [the listeners] of what they endured of their poor companionship 00:07:01.540 --> 00:07:04.540 and harsh temperaments, 00:07:04.540 --> 00:07:07.540 so that women who hear their story may take them as an example 00:07:07.540 --> 00:07:10.540 in patience." 00:07:11.540 --> 00:07:13.540 Second: 00:07:13.540 --> 00:07:17.399 Do not play with words. 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:20.459 A woman possesses the ability to alter the truth 00:07:20.459 --> 00:07:23.459 without falling into lying. 00:07:23.459 --> 00:07:26.459 We have already seen in a previous session 00:07:26.459 --> 00:07:29.459 the evidence for this. 00:07:29.459 --> 00:07:32.459 So it is not permissible for a woman, when talking about her husband, 00:07:32.459 --> 00:07:35.459 to deceive the listener regarding things that are not in her husband 00:07:35.459 --> 00:07:38.459 of bad qualities. 00:07:38.459 --> 00:07:40.819 Third: 00:07:40.819 --> 00:07:44.069 Do not deny your husband’s kindness. 00:07:44.069 --> 00:07:47.069 The Prophet, peace be upon him, has informed us 00:07:47.069 --> 00:07:50.069 that the thing that causes women to enter the Fire most 00:07:50.069 --> 00:07:53.069 is denying the husband’s kindness. 00:07:53.069 --> 00:07:56.069 He said: "I was shown the Fire, 00:07:56.069 --> 00:07:59.069 and behold, the majority of its inhabitants were women, 00:07:59.069 --> 00:08:01.069 because they are ungrateful." 00:08:01.069 --> 00:08:04.069 It was asked, "Are they ungrateful to Allah?" 00:08:04.069 --> 00:08:07.069 He said, "They are ungrateful to their husbands, 00:08:07.069 --> 00:08:10.069 and they are ungrateful for kindness. 00:08:10.069 --> 00:08:13.069 If you were to treat one of them well for a lifetime, 00:08:13.069 --> 00:08:16.069 and then she saw something from you [she disliked], she would say: 'I have never seen any good from you at all.'" 00:08:16.069 --> 00:08:19.649 Narrated by al-Bukhari. 00:08:19.649 --> 00:08:22.779 Fourth: Do not lie. 00:08:22.779 --> 00:08:25.779 Lying is one of the major sins, 00:08:25.779 --> 00:08:28.779 and it is among the worst traits in dealing with people. 00:08:28.779 --> 00:08:31.779 A woman, when talking about her husband, 00:08:31.779 --> 00:08:34.779 might lie and speak ill of him, 00:08:34.779 --> 00:08:37.779 or praise him to show off before other women, 00:08:38.779 --> 00:08:41.940 regarding herself or her husband. 00:08:41.940 --> 00:08:44.940 From ‘Ikrimah, that Rifa‘ah divorced his wife, 00:08:44.940 --> 00:08:47.940 and she married ‘Abd al-Rahman ibn al-Zubayr al-Qurazi. 00:08:47.940 --> 00:08:50.940 ‘A’ishah said, 00:08:50.940 --> 00:08:53.940 while she was wearing a green veil, 00:08:53.940 --> 00:08:56.940 and she complained to her and showed her the green bruise on her skin. 00:08:56.940 --> 00:08:59.940 When the Messenger of Allah came, 00:08:59.940 --> 00:09:02.940 and women support one another, 00:09:02.940 --> 00:09:05.940 ‘A’ishah said, 00:09:05.940 --> 00:09:09.000 "I have not seen the like of what believing women endure; 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:12.000 her skin is greener than her garment." 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:15.029 He said, and he heard that she 00:09:15.029 --> 00:09:18.029 had come to the Messenger of Allah, 00:09:18.029 --> 00:09:21.029 so he came with two sons of his from another woman. 00:09:21.029 --> 00:09:24.029 She said, "By Allah, I have no fault with him, 00:09:24.029 --> 00:09:27.029 except that what he has is no more useful 00:09:27.029 --> 00:09:30.029 to me than this," 00:09:30.029 --> 00:09:33.029 and she took a fringe of her garment. 00:09:33.029 --> 00:09:36.029 "I swear by Allah, O Messenger of Allah, 00:09:36.029 --> 00:09:39.029 I am shaking it like the shaking of a hide." 00:09:39.029 --> 00:09:42.029 But she was rebellious, wanting Rifa‘ah. 00:09:42.029 --> 00:09:45.029 The Messenger of Allah said: 00:09:45.029 --> 00:09:48.029 "If that is the case, you are not lawful for him, 00:09:48.029 --> 00:09:51.029 or you are not suitable for him, until he tastes 00:09:51.029 --> 00:09:54.029 of your sweetness (and you taste of his)." 00:09:54.029 --> 00:09:57.029 He said, and he saw with him two sons of his. 00:09:57.029 --> 00:10:00.029 He said, "Are these your sons?" 00:10:00.029 --> 00:10:03.029 He said, "Yes, this is what she claims, 00:10:03.029 --> 00:10:06.029 what she claims! By Allah, 00:10:06.029 --> 00:10:09.029 they resemble him more than a crow resembles a crow." 00:10:09.029 --> 00:10:12.419 Narrated by al-Bukhari. 00:10:12.419 --> 00:10:15.419 So this woman lied about her husband, 00:10:15.419 --> 00:10:18.419 and accused him of what was not in him to obtain 00:10:18.419 --> 00:10:21.419 a divorce so she could return to her first husband. 00:10:21.419 --> 00:10:24.419 But Allah revealed the truth of her statement 00:10:24.419 --> 00:10:27.419 to the Messenger, so he refuted her. 00:10:28.419 --> 00:10:31.480 So be cautious 00:10:31.480 --> 00:10:35.470 when you speak about your husband. 00:10:35.470 --> 00:10:38.470 We will continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills. 00:10:38.470 --> 00:10:41.470 And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.