In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Categories of men in the hadith of Umm Zur'ah.
"My husband is like lean camel meat on top of a mountain."
After the women sat down and pledged to speak truthfully about their husbands,
and not to conceal anything,
the first one said:
"My husband is like lean camel meat on top of a mountain."
"There is no ease to ascend it,"
"nor is it plump enough to be moved."
This wife is criticizing her husband with several reprehensible qualities,
and likening him to spoiled camel meat.
And despite its spoiled nature,
it is placed on the highest point of the mountain.
And the mountain is rugged.
So who would covet lean, spoiled meat
that is difficult to reach?
And moving it from its place is not worth the effort expended on it,
because it is lean and spoiled.
Abu Ubayd al-Harawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
She describes his lack of goodness and his remoteness, along with that lack,
like something on a difficult, high mountain,
which can only be reached with hardship.
And his lack of goodness means stinginess,
which is a reprehensible trait, especially in men.
Al-Qadi Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
This woman described her husband as stingy and lacking in goodness,
and his goodness being remote and difficult to attain,
like lean or spoiled meat that is moved,
which one disdains and therefore does not seek.
So how about if it were on a difficult, rugged mountain peak?
Or a dune that has been trampled,
on which one cannot walk,
and can only be reached with hardship.
Stinginess is a very reprehensible trait among people.
For the stingy person withholds his wealth from those who deserve it or to whom it is due.
And the one most harmed by stinginess is the wife,
because the stingy person denies her her right to sustenance.
And this is a continuous harm as long as she is married to him.
Therefore, Bishr ibn al-Harith al-Hafi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"Do not marry a stingy man, nor deal with him."
And this is a valuable piece of advice from a noble scholar
to every woman approaching marriage.
Do not agree to marry a stingy man.
For the stingy person has no friend but money.
The stingy person is not fit to be a husband,
nor to lead people.
For it is narrated in a hadith from Jabir ibn Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with them both, that he said:
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
Who is your chief, O Banu Salimah?
We said: "Judd ibn Qays, on the condition that he is stingy."
He said: "And what ailment is more incurable than stinginess?"
Rather, your chief is Umar ibn al-Jamuh.
Narrated by Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
did not accept that a stingy man be made chief over people.
He described stinginess as the most destructive of diseases to a person's character.
Al-Mawardi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
And from stinginess, other blameworthy traits may arise,
even if it is a gateway to every form of condemnation.
Four traits:
Enough said about their vileness.
They are greed and impetuosity,
and ill suspicion,
and withholding rights.
Then he, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
As for withholding rights,
the stingy person's soul is not willing to part with what it loves,
nor does it submit to relinquishing what it desires.
So it does not yield to a right,
nor does it agree to fairness.
And when the stingy person devolves into what we have described of these blameworthy traits
and base dispositions,
no good is to be hoped for from him,
nor any betterment anticipated.
The stingy person is of little intellect,
poor in management,
deprived of the good of this world,
narrow-minded,
he dislikes guests,
and dislikes associating with people.
His faith is weak,
he has ill suspicion of his Lord.
Blameworthy qualities have gathered in him,
stemming from stinginess.
This is but one of the traits that the first woman alluded to with her saying:
"My husband is like rancid camel meat,
atop a mountain,
neither easy to ascend,
nor so plump as to be moved."
Some scholars have understood other traits that this woman indicated with this eloquent description.
Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
She describes his lack of goodness and his remoteness, along with that lack,
like something on a difficult mountain,
which can only be reached with hardship.
I say:
The meaning of "remoteness" here
that he has been described with bad character,
and arrogance, and carrying himself with haughtiness and pride.
You mean that despite his lack of goodness and stinginess,
he is arrogant towards his relatives,
and turns away disdainfully.
So he combines withholding support
with causing harm and bad character.
He is therefore in a good state, yet arrogant towards people.
And this is a very great affliction.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said about it:
"He will not enter Paradise, whoever has in his heart
an atom's weight of pride."
A man said,
"A man likes his clothes to be good and his sandals to be good."
He said,
"Allah is beautiful and loves beauty.
Pride is
rejecting the truth and looking down on people."
Narrated by Muslim.
And it is a wonder of this hadith
that the man asked the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
about a description that is never found in misers,
which is their concern for their clothes, their demeanor, and their appearance.
So the miser who combines stinginess and pride
is among the worst of people.
He did not benefit with his wealth,
nor with his companionship to people,
because he despises them and belittles them.
And this is pride.
He has deprived himself of the bliss of this world and the bliss of the Hereafter,
and tormented himself in this world,
and by despising people, he torments himself in the Hereafter.
And among the beautiful words describing the psyche of this stingy, arrogant husband
is what Al-Suyuti, may Allah have mercy on him, transmitted from Al-Shadhili in his contemplation of this hadith,
where he said:
The first type
is the arrogant soul,
the one who is turned away and rejected,
whose delusion has overcome the resolve of a people,
so they came with injustice and falsehood,
and became arrogant within themselves,
and transgressed a great transgression.
And this is the most difficult soul to guide,
the furthest in presence,
the greatest in stubbornness,
and the most averse.
It charges with the charge of rulers and splendor,
and rushes towards vices like a moth rushes,
and she claims with her tongue
"I am the sun and the moon."
Then, when what she has of flaws becomes apparent,
darkness descends and becomes murky.
So, how vast the difference between bad news and good news!
And she imitates the boastful in her words about the states of those who witness,
and the plumage of peacocks,
not to be confused with the thorns of hedgehogs.
And the soul possessing these traits,
when it is looked upon with the eye of divine support,
and drawn by providence with the reins of rectitude,
its arrogance, which was once fat, becomes emaciated,
and its pride, which was once precious, becomes insignificant.
It is isolated from self-discipline in a mountain difficult to traverse,
far in its peaks and reaches,
where the lovers of leadership have no path,
nor do base ambitions rely upon it.
So, when its soul submits to falsehood and is overthrown,
it becomes as I have informed and stated:
"My husband is rancid camel meat
atop a rugged mountain."
The burden of humility has emaciated the fat of its arrogance,
and the light of his remembrance has melted the flesh of his immense pride.
And it resides, from the mountain of self-discipline and obscurity,
at a summit difficult to reach.
Neither is the mountain easy to ascend,
nor is the meat plump to be chosen.
And the question that presents itself here is:
What does a wife do if she is tested with such a husband?
This issue occurred during the time of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
And he issued a ruling that satisfies the hearts,
and remedies matters,
and removes the hardship from the woman in her dealings with this stingy, miserly man.
It is narrated from Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, that she said:
Hind bint Utbah,
the wife of Abu Sufyan,
entered upon the Messenger of Allah,
and said:
"O Messenger of Allah,
Abu Sufyan is a stingy man;
he does not provide me with enough sustenance for myself and my children,
except what I take from his wealth without his knowledge.
Is there any sin upon me for that?"
So the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
"Take from his wealth, according to what is right, enough for you and your children."
Narrated by Muslim.
Ibn Abd al-Barr, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"So he ordered her to compensate him by taking her due from his wealth.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, permitted her to take from his wealth
without his knowledge what would suffice her and her children.
He qualified this with "what is proper" (bi'l-ma'ruf).
So do not be extravagant in taking from his wealth.
And do not take more than your basic needs.
Stinginess is a blameworthy trait that can be changed.
So the advice to a stingy husband
is to strive to change this trait
by feigning generosity
and increasing spending on public charities and other things,
while persistently imploring Allah to remove this trait from himself
and to adorn himself with noble character.
From Abu Ad-Darda', may Allah be pleased with him, who said:
Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
Knowledge is only gained through learning.
And forbearance is only gained through cultivating it.
Whoever seeks good will be given it.
And whoever guards against evil will be protected from it.
Narrated by At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat.
And from Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with him,
that Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
used to seek refuge after prayers with these words:
"O Allah, I seek refuge in You from cowardice and stinginess."
Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
Stinginess is not among the characteristics of prophets or the righteous.
Indeed, the believer is generous and noble.
Cowardice and stinginess
are among the evil traits that are not befitting for a believer.
And he should frequently seek refuge in Allah from them.
My brother husband, feign generosity until you become generous,
and seek good, and you will attain it.
And stay away from evil, and Allah will keep it away from you.
We will continue in a future meeting, Allah willing.
And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.