WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.399 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 00:00:03.399 --> 00:00:16.699 Categories of men in the hadith of Umm Zur'ah. 00:00:16.699 --> 00:00:22.789 "My husband is like lean camel meat on top of a mountain." 00:00:22.789 --> 00:00:27.949 After the women sat down and pledged to speak truthfully about their husbands, 00:00:27.949 --> 00:00:30.350 and not to conceal anything, 00:00:30.350 --> 00:00:32.149 the first one said: 00:00:32.149 --> 00:00:36.469 "My husband is like lean camel meat on top of a mountain." 00:00:36.670 --> 00:00:38.909 "There is no ease to ascend it," 00:00:38.909 --> 00:00:42.340 "nor is it plump enough to be moved." 00:00:42.340 --> 00:00:46.939 This wife is criticizing her husband with several reprehensible qualities, 00:00:46.939 --> 00:00:50.380 and likening him to spoiled camel meat. 00:00:50.380 --> 00:00:52.179 And despite its spoiled nature, 00:00:52.179 --> 00:00:54.859 it is placed on the highest point of the mountain. 00:00:54.859 --> 00:00:57.000 And the mountain is rugged. 00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:00.200 So who would covet lean, spoiled meat 00:01:00.200 --> 00:01:02.600 that is difficult to reach? 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:07.239 And moving it from its place is not worth the effort expended on it, 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:10.459 because it is lean and spoiled. 00:01:10.459 --> 00:01:13.900 Abu Ubayd al-Harawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:01:13.900 --> 00:01:17.780 She describes his lack of goodness and his remoteness, along with that lack, 00:01:17.780 --> 00:01:20.819 like something on a difficult, high mountain, 00:01:20.819 --> 00:01:25.379 which can only be reached with hardship. 00:01:25.379 --> 00:01:28.219 And his lack of goodness means stinginess, 00:01:28.219 --> 00:01:32.299 which is a reprehensible trait, especially in men. 00:01:32.299 --> 00:01:35.379 Al-Qadi Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:01:35.379 --> 00:01:39.900 This woman described her husband as stingy and lacking in goodness, 00:01:39.900 --> 00:01:43.819 and his goodness being remote and difficult to attain, 00:01:43.819 --> 00:01:47.099 like lean or spoiled meat that is moved, 00:01:47.099 --> 00:01:50.379 which one disdains and therefore does not seek. 00:01:50.379 --> 00:01:54.420 So how about if it were on a difficult, rugged mountain peak? 00:01:54.420 --> 00:01:56.659 Or a dune that has been trampled, 00:01:56.659 --> 00:01:58.659 on which one cannot walk, 00:01:58.659 --> 00:02:02.980 and can only be reached with hardship. 00:02:02.980 --> 00:02:06.939 Stinginess is a very reprehensible trait among people. 00:02:06.939 --> 00:02:12.729 For the stingy person withholds his wealth from those who deserve it or to whom it is due. 00:02:12.729 --> 00:02:16.689 And the one most harmed by stinginess is the wife, 00:02:16.689 --> 00:02:20.409 because the stingy person denies her her right to sustenance. 00:02:20.409 --> 00:02:24.650 And this is a continuous harm as long as she is married to him. 00:02:24.650 --> 00:02:29.210 Therefore, Bishr ibn al-Harith al-Hafi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:02:29.210 --> 00:02:34.219 "Do not marry a stingy man, nor deal with him." 00:02:34.219 --> 00:02:38.139 And this is a valuable piece of advice from a noble scholar 00:02:38.139 --> 00:02:41.460 to every woman approaching marriage. 00:02:41.460 --> 00:02:44.219 Do not agree to marry a stingy man. 00:02:44.219 --> 00:02:48.780 For the stingy person has no friend but money. 00:02:48.780 --> 00:02:52.099 The stingy person is not fit to be a husband, 00:02:52.099 --> 00:02:54.780 nor to lead people. 00:02:54.780 --> 00:03:00.259 For it is narrated in a hadith from Jabir ibn Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with them both, that he said: 00:03:00.259 --> 00:03:04.099 The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: 00:03:04.099 --> 00:03:07.180 Who is your chief, O Banu Salimah? 00:03:07.180 --> 00:03:12.729 We said: "Judd ibn Qays, on the condition that he is stingy." 00:03:12.729 --> 00:03:16.969 He said: "And what ailment is more incurable than stinginess?" 00:03:16.969 --> 00:03:20.689 Rather, your chief is Umar ibn al-Jamuh. 00:03:20.689 --> 00:03:24.340 Narrated by Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad. 00:03:24.340 --> 00:03:26.979 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:03:26.979 --> 00:03:31.099 did not accept that a stingy man be made chief over people. 00:03:31.139 --> 00:03:37.639 He described stinginess as the most destructive of diseases to a person's character. 00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:40.400 Al-Mawardi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:43.879 And from stinginess, other blameworthy traits may arise, 00:03:43.879 --> 00:03:47.000 even if it is a gateway to every form of condemnation. 00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:48.879 Four traits: 00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:51.319 Enough said about their vileness. 00:03:51.319 --> 00:03:53.840 They are greed and impetuosity, 00:03:53.840 --> 00:03:55.360 and ill suspicion, 00:03:55.360 --> 00:03:57.750 and withholding rights. 00:03:57.750 --> 00:03:59.990 Then he, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:03:59.990 --> 00:04:01.949 As for withholding rights, 00:04:01.949 --> 00:04:05.990 the stingy person's soul is not willing to part with what it loves, 00:04:05.990 --> 00:04:09.270 nor does it submit to relinquishing what it desires. 00:04:09.270 --> 00:04:10.990 So it does not yield to a right, 00:04:10.990 --> 00:04:13.819 nor does it agree to fairness. 00:04:13.819 --> 00:04:18.420 And when the stingy person devolves into what we have described of these blameworthy traits 00:04:18.420 --> 00:04:20.300 and base dispositions, 00:04:20.300 --> 00:04:22.899 no good is to be hoped for from him, 00:04:22.899 --> 00:04:26.810 nor any betterment anticipated. 00:04:26.810 --> 00:04:29.370 The stingy person is of little intellect, 00:04:29.410 --> 00:04:31.089 poor in management, 00:04:31.089 --> 00:04:33.689 deprived of the good of this world, 00:04:33.689 --> 00:04:35.250 narrow-minded, 00:04:35.250 --> 00:04:36.810 he dislikes guests, 00:04:36.810 --> 00:04:39.329 and dislikes associating with people. 00:04:39.329 --> 00:04:41.089 His faith is weak, 00:04:41.089 --> 00:04:43.370 he has ill suspicion of his Lord. 00:04:43.370 --> 00:04:46.009 Blameworthy qualities have gathered in him, 00:04:46.009 --> 00:04:48.839 stemming from stinginess. 00:04:48.839 --> 00:04:55.839 This is but one of the traits that the first woman alluded to with her saying: 00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.160 "My husband is like rancid camel meat, 00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:00.040 atop a mountain, 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:02.240 neither easy to ascend, 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:05.529 nor so plump as to be moved." 00:05:05.529 --> 00:05:12.939 Some scholars have understood other traits that this woman indicated with this eloquent description. 00:05:12.939 --> 00:05:15.620 Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:05:15.620 --> 00:05:19.379 She describes his lack of goodness and his remoteness, along with that lack, 00:05:19.379 --> 00:05:22.300 like something on a difficult mountain, 00:05:22.300 --> 00:05:25.480 which can only be reached with hardship. 00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:26.480 I say: 00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:28.639 The meaning of "remoteness" here 00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:31.759 that he has been described with bad character, 00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:36.680 and arrogance, and carrying himself with haughtiness and pride. 00:05:36.680 --> 00:05:40.399 You mean that despite his lack of goodness and stinginess, 00:05:40.399 --> 00:05:42.600 he is arrogant towards his relatives, 00:05:42.600 --> 00:05:44.720 and turns away disdainfully. 00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:46.839 So he combines withholding support 00:05:46.839 --> 00:05:50.879 with causing harm and bad character. 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:54.199 He is therefore in a good state, yet arrogant towards people. 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:57.480 And this is a very great affliction. 00:05:57.480 --> 00:06:01.079 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said about it: 00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:04.160 "He will not enter Paradise, whoever has in his heart 00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:07.040 an atom's weight of pride." 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:08.519 A man said, 00:06:08.519 --> 00:06:13.959 "A man likes his clothes to be good and his sandals to be good." 00:06:13.959 --> 00:06:15.079 He said, 00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:18.720 "Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. 00:06:18.720 --> 00:06:19.839 Pride is 00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:22.839 rejecting the truth and looking down on people." 00:06:22.839 --> 00:06:24.959 Narrated by Muslim. 00:06:24.959 --> 00:06:27.439 And it is a wonder of this hadith 00:06:27.439 --> 00:06:30.800 that the man asked the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:34.639 about a description that is never found in misers, 00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:39.240 which is their concern for their clothes, their demeanor, and their appearance. 00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:42.560 So the miser who combines stinginess and pride 00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:44.360 is among the worst of people. 00:06:44.360 --> 00:06:46.360 He did not benefit with his wealth, 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:49.279 nor with his companionship to people, 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:52.120 because he despises them and belittles them. 00:06:52.120 --> 00:06:54.500 And this is pride. 00:06:54.500 --> 00:06:58.699 He has deprived himself of the bliss of this world and the bliss of the Hereafter, 00:06:58.699 --> 00:07:01.180 and tormented himself in this world, 00:07:01.180 --> 00:07:05.620 and by despising people, he torments himself in the Hereafter. 00:07:05.620 --> 00:07:11.180 And among the beautiful words describing the psyche of this stingy, arrogant husband 00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:17.259 is what Al-Suyuti, may Allah have mercy on him, transmitted from Al-Shadhili in his contemplation of this hadith, 00:07:17.259 --> 00:07:18.939 where he said: 00:07:18.939 --> 00:07:20.180 The first type 00:07:20.180 --> 00:07:22.259 is the arrogant soul, 00:07:22.259 --> 00:07:24.620 the one who is turned away and rejected, 00:07:24.620 --> 00:07:28.220 whose delusion has overcome the resolve of a people, 00:07:28.220 --> 00:07:30.620 so they came with injustice and falsehood, 00:07:30.620 --> 00:07:32.819 and became arrogant within themselves, 00:07:32.819 --> 00:07:35.689 and transgressed a great transgression. 00:07:35.689 --> 00:07:39.610 And this is the most difficult soul to guide, 00:07:39.610 --> 00:07:41.490 the furthest in presence, 00:07:41.490 --> 00:07:43.529 the greatest in stubbornness, 00:07:43.529 --> 00:07:45.930 and the most averse. 00:07:45.930 --> 00:07:49.370 It charges with the charge of rulers and splendor, 00:07:49.410 --> 00:07:53.370 and rushes towards vices like a moth rushes, 00:07:53.370 --> 00:07:55.889 and she claims with her tongue 00:07:55.889 --> 00:07:58.170 "I am the sun and the moon." 00:07:58.170 --> 00:08:01.410 Then, when what she has of flaws becomes apparent, 00:08:01.410 --> 00:08:04.290 darkness descends and becomes murky. 00:08:04.290 --> 00:08:08.540 So, how vast the difference between bad news and good news! 00:08:08.540 --> 00:08:13.420 And she imitates the boastful in her words about the states of those who witness, 00:08:13.420 --> 00:08:15.220 and the plumage of peacocks, 00:08:15.220 --> 00:08:18.339 not to be confused with the thorns of hedgehogs. 00:08:18.379 --> 00:08:20.459 And the soul possessing these traits, 00:08:20.459 --> 00:08:23.100 when it is looked upon with the eye of divine support, 00:08:23.100 --> 00:08:26.779 and drawn by providence with the reins of rectitude, 00:08:26.779 --> 00:08:30.540 its arrogance, which was once fat, becomes emaciated, 00:08:30.540 --> 00:08:34.539 and its pride, which was once precious, becomes insignificant. 00:08:34.539 --> 00:08:38.860 It is isolated from self-discipline in a mountain difficult to traverse, 00:08:38.860 --> 00:08:41.600 far in its peaks and reaches, 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:45.320 where the lovers of leadership have no path, 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:49.399 nor do base ambitions rely upon it. 00:08:49.399 --> 00:08:53.240 So, when its soul submits to falsehood and is overthrown, 00:08:53.240 --> 00:08:56.080 it becomes as I have informed and stated: 00:08:56.080 --> 00:08:58.519 "My husband is rancid camel meat 00:08:58.519 --> 00:09:01.220 atop a rugged mountain." 00:09:01.220 --> 00:09:05.379 The burden of humility has emaciated the fat of its arrogance, 00:09:05.379 --> 00:09:09.620 and the light of his remembrance has melted the flesh of his immense pride. 00:09:09.620 --> 00:09:13.019 And it resides, from the mountain of self-discipline and obscurity, 00:09:13.019 --> 00:09:16.620 at a summit difficult to reach. 00:09:16.620 --> 00:09:19.460 Neither is the mountain easy to ascend, 00:09:19.460 --> 00:09:24.429 nor is the meat plump to be chosen. 00:09:24.429 --> 00:09:27.629 And the question that presents itself here is: 00:09:27.629 --> 00:09:32.539 What does a wife do if she is tested with such a husband? 00:09:32.539 --> 00:09:37.820 This issue occurred during the time of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:09:37.820 --> 00:09:40.539 And he issued a ruling that satisfies the hearts, 00:09:40.539 --> 00:09:42.539 and remedies matters, 00:09:42.539 --> 00:09:48.509 and removes the hardship from the woman in her dealings with this stingy, miserly man. 00:09:48.509 --> 00:09:51.909 It is narrated from Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, that she said: 00:09:51.909 --> 00:09:54.309 Hind bint Utbah, 00:09:54.309 --> 00:09:56.269 the wife of Abu Sufyan, 00:09:56.269 --> 00:09:58.110 entered upon the Messenger of Allah, 00:09:58.110 --> 00:09:59.389 and said: 00:09:59.389 --> 00:10:01.190 "O Messenger of Allah, 00:10:01.190 --> 00:10:04.389 Abu Sufyan is a stingy man; 00:10:04.389 --> 00:10:08.870 he does not provide me with enough sustenance for myself and my children, 00:10:08.870 --> 00:10:12.750 except what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. 00:10:12.750 --> 00:10:16.100 Is there any sin upon me for that?" 00:10:16.100 --> 00:10:20.019 So the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: 00:10:20.019 --> 00:10:25.419 "Take from his wealth, according to what is right, enough for you and your children." 00:10:25.419 --> 00:10:27.500 Narrated by Muslim. 00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:30.539 Ibn Abd al-Barr, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:10:30.539 --> 00:10:37.100 "So he ordered her to compensate him by taking her due from his wealth. 00:10:37.100 --> 00:10:41.779 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, permitted her to take from his wealth 00:10:41.779 --> 00:10:45.379 without his knowledge what would suffice her and her children. 00:10:45.379 --> 00:10:47.940 He qualified this with "what is proper" (bi'l-ma'ruf). 00:10:47.940 --> 00:10:50.539 So do not be extravagant in taking from his wealth. 00:10:50.539 --> 00:10:54.840 And do not take more than your basic needs. 00:10:54.840 --> 00:10:59.159 Stinginess is a blameworthy trait that can be changed. 00:10:59.159 --> 00:11:01.559 So the advice to a stingy husband 00:11:01.559 --> 00:11:04.320 is to strive to change this trait 00:11:04.320 --> 00:11:06.159 by feigning generosity 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:10.840 and increasing spending on public charities and other things, 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:15.399 while persistently imploring Allah to remove this trait from himself 00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:19.149 and to adorn himself with noble character. 00:11:19.149 --> 00:11:22.549 From Abu Ad-Darda', may Allah be pleased with him, who said: 00:11:22.549 --> 00:11:26.350 Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: 00:11:26.350 --> 00:11:28.830 Knowledge is only gained through learning. 00:11:28.830 --> 00:11:31.110 And forbearance is only gained through cultivating it. 00:11:31.110 --> 00:11:33.950 Whoever seeks good will be given it. 00:11:33.950 --> 00:11:37.070 And whoever guards against evil will be protected from it. 00:11:37.070 --> 00:11:40.450 Narrated by At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat. 00:11:40.450 --> 00:11:43.850 And from Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with him, 00:11:43.850 --> 00:11:47.370 that Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:11:47.370 --> 00:11:52.490 used to seek refuge after prayers with these words: 00:11:52.490 --> 00:11:57.330 "O Allah, I seek refuge in You from cowardice and stinginess." 00:11:57.330 --> 00:11:59.710 Narrated by Al-Bukhari. 00:11:59.710 --> 00:12:04.190 Stinginess is not among the characteristics of prophets or the righteous. 00:12:04.190 --> 00:12:07.269 Indeed, the believer is generous and noble. 00:12:07.269 --> 00:12:08.909 Cowardice and stinginess 00:12:08.950 --> 00:12:13.269 are among the evil traits that are not befitting for a believer. 00:12:13.269 --> 00:12:18.659 And he should frequently seek refuge in Allah from them. 00:12:18.659 --> 00:12:23.980 My brother husband, feign generosity until you become generous, 00:12:23.980 --> 00:12:26.299 and seek good, and you will attain it. 00:12:26.299 --> 00:12:32.080 And stay away from evil, and Allah will keep it away from you. 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:35.759 We will continue in a future meeting, Allah willing. 00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:38.879 And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.