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Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her: "This is for that."

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Allah, the Almighty, commanded that wives be treated with kindness.

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He, the Exalted, said: ﴿...and live with them in kindness...﴾

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Al-Sa‘di, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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This encompasses kindness in both speech and action.

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A husband must treat his wife with kindness,

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which includes refraining from harm and showing benevolence,

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as well as good conduct.

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This also includes providing maintenance, clothing, and the like.

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A husband is obligated to provide his wife with the kindness customary for someone of her status, in that time and place.

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This varies according to circumstances.

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The best person to have applied this verse in his life

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was the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.

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He even said of himself, peace be upon him:

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"The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family."

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Narrated by Ibn Majah.

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Al-San‘ani, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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He was the best of people in an absolute sense.

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This was not out of boasting,

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but rather to inform the servants of Allah of the excellent companionship he maintained, so that they might emulate him.

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It is well known from his Prophetic characteristics (Shama'il), peace be upon him,

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that he was the best of people to all people,

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and even more so to his own family.

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He treated his family in a way no one else could,

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with excellent companionship, patience in the face of annoyance, and fairness,

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and other such qualities found in books detailing his virtues and his Prophetic biography (Seerah).

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Al-Sindi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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His intent is that good companionship with one's family

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is among the things required by the religion.

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Thus, one who possesses this quality is among the best in this regard.

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It is also possible that one who possesses this quality is granted success in all other righteous deeds,

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until he becomes the best in an absolute sense.

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And Allah knows best.

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Among the beautiful stories of the Prophet, peace be upon him,

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regarding his excellent companionship with his wives,

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is his racing with ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, while traveling.

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For ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:

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"I raced the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,

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and I beat him.

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But when I had gained some weight,

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he raced me and beat me,

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and said: 'O ‘A’ishah,

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this is for that.'"

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Narrated by Al-Humaydi.

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This racing was not devoid of playfulness and joy;

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rather, the Prophet, peace be upon him, would engage her

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with humor and laughter, may Allah be pleased with her.

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‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:

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"I went out with the Prophet, peace be upon him, on one of his journeys,

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while I was still a young girl, having not yet gained weight or grown heavy.

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He said to the people: 'Go on ahead,'

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and they went ahead.

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Then he said to me: 'Come, let me race you.'

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I raced him and beat him,

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and he said nothing to me.

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Later, when I had gained weight, grown heavy, and forgotten the incident,

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I went out with him on one of his journeys.

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He said to the people: 'Go on ahead,'

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and they went ahead.

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Then he said: 'Come, let me race you.'

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I raced him and he beat me,

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and he began to laugh, saying:

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'This is for that.'"

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Narrated by Ahmad.

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In a narration by Al-Tabarani,

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‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:

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"I raced him and he beat me,

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and he tapped me between my shoulders and said:

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'This is for that.'"

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Furthermore, the Prophet, peace be upon him,

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actually urged her to race a second time,

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because she had excused herself due to having gained weight.

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But the Prophet, peace be upon him, insisted on the race.

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‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, reported

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that she was with the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, on a journey,

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and he said to his Companions:

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"Go on ahead,"

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and they went ahead.

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Then he said to me:

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"Come, let me race you."

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I raced him and beat him.

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Then, some time later,

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I went out with him on a journey,

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and he said to his Companions:

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"Go on ahead,"

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and they went ahead.

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Then he said:

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"Come, let me race you."

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I had forgotten what had happened before,

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and I had gained weight.

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So I said:

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"How can I race you, O Messenger of Allah, while I am in this state?"

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He said:

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"You shall do it."

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I raced him and he beat me,

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and he said:

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"This is for that race."

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Narrated by Abu Nu‘aym.

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Thus, peace be upon him, he would show affection to ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, through this racing.

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Ibn Kathir, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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It was among the noble character of the Prophet, peace be upon him,

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that he was pleasant in companionship and always cheerful.

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He would joke with his family and treat them with gentleness,

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and he was generous with them in his spending.

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He would laugh with his wives,

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to the point that he would race ‘A’ishah, the Mother of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with her,

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showing her affection through that.

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This was his Prophetic biography (Seerah), peace be upon him,

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bearing witness to his excellent treatment of his family with kindness,

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to the extent that he was the best of people to his family.

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However, we have been afflicted with a type of thinking

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that considers playing with one's wife to be contrary to chivalry,

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and imagines masculinity to be a stern face toward one's wife,

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while smiling only at one's friends.

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Some people have even come to think that this is what Islam commands.

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This approach has not succeeded in dealing with women in general,

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and wives in particular,

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because it contradicts the natural disposition (fitra) upon which Allah created people.

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Consequently, the reaction from many women of this time,

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who have been afflicted with this type of man,

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has been to resent Islam and its followers,

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describing it with every ugly term,

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and praising Western culture,

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considering it the model that should be followed

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in valuing women and respecting their feelings.

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Professor Muhammad Rashid Rida, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

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Among the affection between spouses

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is joking and playing.

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Some men believe that amusing one's wife and joking with her

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diminishes the awe she holds for him,

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and her modesty before him.

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They forget that abandoning this diminishes her comfort with him,

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her tranquility in him, and her love for him.

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Indeed, love is sufficient to replace the need for awe and excessive formality,

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if it were true that joking and playing—

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that amusement and playfulness—are incompatible with them.

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But that is not true.

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For the greatest of men in status, among the Prophets, the wise,

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and the refined kings,

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used to please their wives in their homes,

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and that did not diminish their dignity or majesty in the slightest.

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The Messenger, peace be upon him,

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used to joke with his wives and play with them.

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He said to Jabir, may Allah be pleased with him,

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when he asked his permission to marry a previously married woman:

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"Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she might play with you?"

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The hadith is in the two Sahihs.

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Likewise, the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to do this,

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to the point that it is narrated he would race ‘A’ishah in running,

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meaning intense sprinting.

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He raced her and she won,

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then he raced her and he won,

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and he said: "This is for that."

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It is found in Abu Dawud, Al-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah,

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and its chain of narration is authentic.

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It is also related from ‘Umar that he used to say:

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"A man should be like a child in his home."

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And in [Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din],

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it is said that ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, despite his sternness, said:

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"It is fitting for a man to be like a child among his family,

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but when they seek what he has, they find him a man."

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Yet, there is a limit to playfulness in the home;

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whoever exceeds it loses his respect,

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and whoever falls short in it makes his companionship burdensome.

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A wife finding her husband burdensome

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is a path to calamity and a cause of misery.

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So, are you among those who joke with their wives and play with them?

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I hope so.

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We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.

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And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

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Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.