Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her: "This is for that."
Allah, the Almighty, commanded that wives be treated with kindness.
He, the Exalted, said: ﴿...and live with them in kindness...﴾
Al-Sa‘di, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
This encompasses kindness in both speech and action.
A husband must treat his wife with kindness,
which includes refraining from harm and showing benevolence,
as well as good conduct.
This also includes providing maintenance, clothing, and the like.
A husband is obligated to provide his wife with the kindness customary for someone of her status, in that time and place.
This varies according to circumstances.
The best person to have applied this verse in his life
was the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
He even said of himself, peace be upon him:
"The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family."
Narrated by Ibn Majah.
Al-San‘ani, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
He was the best of people in an absolute sense.
This was not out of boasting,
but rather to inform the servants of Allah of the excellent companionship he maintained, so that they might emulate him.
It is well known from his Prophetic characteristics (Shama'il), peace be upon him,
that he was the best of people to all people,
and even more so to his own family.
He treated his family in a way no one else could,
with excellent companionship, patience in the face of annoyance, and fairness,
and other such qualities found in books detailing his virtues and his Prophetic biography (Seerah).
Al-Sindi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
His intent is that good companionship with one's family
is among the things required by the religion.
Thus, one who possesses this quality is among the best in this regard.
It is also possible that one who possesses this quality is granted success in all other righteous deeds,
until he becomes the best in an absolute sense.
And Allah knows best.
Among the beautiful stories of the Prophet, peace be upon him,
regarding his excellent companionship with his wives,
is his racing with ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, while traveling.
For ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"I raced the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
and I beat him.
But when I had gained some weight,
he raced me and beat me,
and said: 'O ‘A’ishah,
this is for that.'"
Narrated by Al-Humaydi.
This racing was not devoid of playfulness and joy;
rather, the Prophet, peace be upon him, would engage her
with humor and laughter, may Allah be pleased with her.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"I went out with the Prophet, peace be upon him, on one of his journeys,
while I was still a young girl, having not yet gained weight or grown heavy.
He said to the people: 'Go on ahead,'
and they went ahead.
Then he said to me: 'Come, let me race you.'
I raced him and beat him,
and he said nothing to me.
Later, when I had gained weight, grown heavy, and forgotten the incident,
I went out with him on one of his journeys.
He said to the people: 'Go on ahead,'
and they went ahead.
Then he said: 'Come, let me race you.'
I raced him and he beat me,
and he began to laugh, saying:
'This is for that.'"
Narrated by Ahmad.
In a narration by Al-Tabarani,
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"I raced him and he beat me,
and he tapped me between my shoulders and said:
'This is for that.'"
Furthermore, the Prophet, peace be upon him,
actually urged her to race a second time,
because she had excused herself due to having gained weight.
But the Prophet, peace be upon him, insisted on the race.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, reported
that she was with the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, on a journey,
and he said to his Companions:
"Go on ahead,"
and they went ahead.
Then he said to me:
"Come, let me race you."
I raced him and beat him.
Then, some time later,
I went out with him on a journey,
and he said to his Companions:
"Go on ahead,"
and they went ahead.
Then he said:
"Come, let me race you."
I had forgotten what had happened before,
and I had gained weight.
So I said:
"How can I race you, O Messenger of Allah, while I am in this state?"
He said:
"You shall do it."
I raced him and he beat me,
and he said:
"This is for that race."
Narrated by Abu Nu‘aym.
Thus, peace be upon him, he would show affection to ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, through this racing.
Ibn Kathir, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
It was among the noble character of the Prophet, peace be upon him,
that he was pleasant in companionship and always cheerful.
He would joke with his family and treat them with gentleness,
and he was generous with them in his spending.
He would laugh with his wives,
to the point that he would race ‘A’ishah, the Mother of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with her,
showing her affection through that.
This was his Prophetic biography (Seerah), peace be upon him,
bearing witness to his excellent treatment of his family with kindness,
to the extent that he was the best of people to his family.
However, we have been afflicted with a type of thinking
that considers playing with one's wife to be contrary to chivalry,
and imagines masculinity to be a stern face toward one's wife,
while smiling only at one's friends.
Some people have even come to think that this is what Islam commands.
This approach has not succeeded in dealing with women in general,
and wives in particular,
because it contradicts the natural disposition (fitra) upon which Allah created people.
Consequently, the reaction from many women of this time,
who have been afflicted with this type of man,
has been to resent Islam and its followers,
describing it with every ugly term,
and praising Western culture,
considering it the model that should be followed
in valuing women and respecting their feelings.
Professor Muhammad Rashid Rida, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
Among the affection between spouses
is joking and playing.
Some men believe that amusing one's wife and joking with her
diminishes the awe she holds for him,
and her modesty before him.
They forget that abandoning this diminishes her comfort with him,
her tranquility in him, and her love for him.
Indeed, love is sufficient to replace the need for awe and excessive formality,
if it were true that joking and playing—
that amusement and playfulness—are incompatible with them.
But that is not true.
For the greatest of men in status, among the Prophets, the wise,
and the refined kings,
used to please their wives in their homes,
and that did not diminish their dignity or majesty in the slightest.
The Messenger, peace be upon him,
used to joke with his wives and play with them.
He said to Jabir, may Allah be pleased with him,
when he asked his permission to marry a previously married woman:
"Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she might play with you?"
The hadith is in the two Sahihs.
Likewise, the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to do this,
to the point that it is narrated he would race ‘A’ishah in running,
meaning intense sprinting.
He raced her and she won,
then he raced her and he won,
and he said: "This is for that."
It is found in Abu Dawud, Al-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah,
and its chain of narration is authentic.
It is also related from ‘Umar that he used to say:
"A man should be like a child in his home."
And in [Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din],
it is said that ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, despite his sternness, said:
"It is fitting for a man to be like a child among his family,
but when they seek what he has, they find him a man."
Yet, there is a limit to playfulness in the home;
whoever exceeds it loses his respect,
and whoever falls short in it makes his companionship burdensome.
A wife finding her husband burdensome
is a path to calamity and a cause of misery.
So, are you among those who joke with their wives and play with them?
I hope so.
We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.