WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:17.760 Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her: "This is for that." 00:00:17.760 --> 00:00:21.760 Allah, the Almighty, commanded that wives be treated with kindness. 00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:26.760 He, the Exalted, said: ﴿...and live with them in kindness...﴾ 00:00:26.760 --> 00:00:28.760 Al-Sa‘di, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:00:28.760 --> 00:00:32.759 This encompasses kindness in both speech and action. 00:00:32.759 --> 00:00:36.759 A husband must treat his wife with kindness, 00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:39.759 which includes refraining from harm and showing benevolence, 00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:41.759 as well as good conduct. 00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:45.759 This also includes providing maintenance, clothing, and the like. 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:52.759 A husband is obligated to provide his wife with the kindness customary for someone of her status, in that time and place. 00:00:52.759 --> 00:00:55.759 This varies according to circumstances. 00:00:55.759 --> 00:00:59.759 The best person to have applied this verse in his life 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:02.759 was the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:01:02.759 --> 00:01:05.760 He even said of himself, peace be upon him: 00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:10.760 "The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family." 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:12.760 Narrated by Ibn Majah. 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:15.760 Al-San‘ani, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:18.760 He was the best of people in an absolute sense. 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:20.760 This was not out of boasting, 00:01:20.760 --> 00:01:25.760 but rather to inform the servants of Allah of the excellent companionship he maintained, so that they might emulate him. 00:01:25.760 --> 00:01:29.760 It is well known from his Prophetic characteristics (Shama'il), peace be upon him, 00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:32.760 that he was the best of people to all people, 00:01:33.760 --> 00:01:35.760 and even more so to his own family. 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:39.760 He treated his family in a way no one else could, 00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:43.760 with excellent companionship, patience in the face of annoyance, and fairness, 00:01:43.760 --> 00:01:47.760 and other such qualities found in books detailing his virtues and his Prophetic biography (Seerah). 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:50.859 Al-Sindi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:01:50.859 --> 00:01:53.859 His intent is that good companionship with one's family 00:01:53.859 --> 00:01:56.859 is among the things required by the religion. 00:01:56.859 --> 00:02:00.859 Thus, one who possesses this quality is among the best in this regard. 00:02:00.859 --> 00:02:04.859 It is also possible that one who possesses this quality is granted success in all other righteous deeds, 00:02:04.859 --> 00:02:07.859 until he becomes the best in an absolute sense. 00:02:07.859 --> 00:02:09.860 And Allah knows best. 00:02:09.860 --> 00:02:13.860 Among the beautiful stories of the Prophet, peace be upon him, 00:02:13.860 --> 00:02:16.860 regarding his excellent companionship with his wives, 00:02:16.860 --> 00:02:20.860 is his racing with ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, while traveling. 00:02:20.860 --> 00:02:24.949 For ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: 00:02:24.949 --> 00:02:28.949 "I raced the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, 00:02:28.949 --> 00:02:30.949 and I beat him. 00:02:30.949 --> 00:02:32.949 But when I had gained some weight, 00:02:32.949 --> 00:02:34.949 he raced me and beat me, 00:02:34.949 --> 00:02:37.949 and said: 'O ‘A’ishah, 00:02:37.949 --> 00:02:39.949 this is for that.'" 00:02:39.949 --> 00:02:42.020 Narrated by Al-Humaydi. 00:02:42.020 --> 00:02:46.020 This racing was not devoid of playfulness and joy; 00:02:46.020 --> 00:02:49.020 rather, the Prophet, peace be upon him, would engage her 00:02:49.020 --> 00:02:53.020 with humor and laughter, may Allah be pleased with her. 00:02:53.020 --> 00:02:56.080 ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: 00:02:56.080 --> 00:03:01.080 "I went out with the Prophet, peace be upon him, on one of his journeys, 00:03:01.080 --> 00:03:05.080 while I was still a young girl, having not yet gained weight or grown heavy. 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:08.080 He said to the people: 'Go on ahead,' 00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:10.080 and they went ahead. 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:14.080 Then he said to me: 'Come, let me race you.' 00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:16.080 I raced him and beat him, 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:18.080 and he said nothing to me. 00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:22.080 Later, when I had gained weight, grown heavy, and forgotten the incident, 00:03:22.080 --> 00:03:25.080 I went out with him on one of his journeys. 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:27.080 He said to the people: 'Go on ahead,' 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:29.080 and they went ahead. 00:03:29.080 --> 00:03:33.080 Then he said: 'Come, let me race you.' 00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:35.080 I raced him and he beat me, 00:03:35.080 --> 00:03:38.080 and he began to laugh, saying: 00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:40.080 'This is for that.'" 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:42.080 Narrated by Ahmad. 00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:44.080 In a narration by Al-Tabarani, 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:47.080 ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:50.080 "I raced him and he beat me, 00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:52.080 and he tapped me between my shoulders and said: 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:54.080 'This is for that.'" 00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:57.370 Furthermore, the Prophet, peace be upon him, 00:03:57.370 --> 00:04:01.370 actually urged her to race a second time, 00:04:01.370 --> 00:04:05.370 because she had excused herself due to having gained weight. 00:04:05.370 --> 00:04:09.370 But the Prophet, peace be upon him, insisted on the race. 00:04:09.370 --> 00:04:13.370 ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, reported 00:04:13.370 --> 00:04:18.370 that she was with the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, on a journey, 00:04:18.370 --> 00:04:20.370 and he said to his Companions: 00:04:20.370 --> 00:04:21.370 "Go on ahead," 00:04:21.370 --> 00:04:22.370 and they went ahead. 00:04:22.370 --> 00:04:23.370 Then he said to me: 00:04:23.370 --> 00:04:26.370 "Come, let me race you." 00:04:26.370 --> 00:04:28.370 I raced him and beat him. 00:04:28.370 --> 00:04:30.370 Then, some time later, 00:04:30.370 --> 00:04:32.370 I went out with him on a journey, 00:04:32.370 --> 00:04:34.370 and he said to his Companions: 00:04:34.370 --> 00:04:35.370 "Go on ahead," 00:04:35.370 --> 00:04:37.370 and they went ahead. 00:04:37.370 --> 00:04:38.370 Then he said: 00:04:38.370 --> 00:04:40.370 "Come, let me race you." 00:04:40.370 --> 00:04:42.370 I had forgotten what had happened before, 00:04:42.370 --> 00:04:44.370 and I had gained weight. 00:04:44.370 --> 00:04:45.370 So I said: 00:04:45.370 --> 00:04:50.370 "How can I race you, O Messenger of Allah, while I am in this state?" 00:04:50.370 --> 00:04:51.370 He said: 00:04:51.370 --> 00:04:52.370 "You shall do it." 00:04:52.370 --> 00:04:55.370 I raced him and he beat me, 00:04:55.370 --> 00:04:56.370 and he said: 00:04:56.370 --> 00:04:58.370 "This is for that race." 00:04:58.370 --> 00:05:00.370 Narrated by Abu Nu‘aym. 00:05:00.370 --> 00:05:07.500 Thus, peace be upon him, he would show affection to ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, through this racing. 00:05:07.500 --> 00:05:10.500 Ibn Kathir, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:05:10.500 --> 00:05:14.500 It was among the noble character of the Prophet, peace be upon him, 00:05:14.500 --> 00:05:17.500 that he was pleasant in companionship and always cheerful. 00:05:17.500 --> 00:05:20.500 He would joke with his family and treat them with gentleness, 00:05:20.500 --> 00:05:22.500 and he was generous with them in his spending. 00:05:22.500 --> 00:05:24.500 He would laugh with his wives, 00:05:24.500 --> 00:05:29.500 to the point that he would race ‘A’ishah, the Mother of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with her, 00:05:29.500 --> 00:05:32.500 showing her affection through that. 00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:36.589 This was his Prophetic biography (Seerah), peace be upon him, 00:05:36.589 --> 00:05:40.589 bearing witness to his excellent treatment of his family with kindness, 00:05:40.589 --> 00:05:43.589 to the extent that he was the best of people to his family. 00:05:43.589 --> 00:05:46.620 However, we have been afflicted with a type of thinking 00:05:47.620 --> 00:05:51.620 that considers playing with one's wife to be contrary to chivalry, 00:05:51.620 --> 00:05:55.620 and imagines masculinity to be a stern face toward one's wife, 00:05:55.620 --> 00:05:58.620 while smiling only at one's friends. 00:05:58.620 --> 00:06:03.689 Some people have even come to think that this is what Islam commands. 00:06:03.689 --> 00:06:07.689 This approach has not succeeded in dealing with women in general, 00:06:07.689 --> 00:06:09.689 and wives in particular, 00:06:09.689 --> 00:06:14.689 because it contradicts the natural disposition (fitra) upon which Allah created people. 00:06:14.689 --> 00:06:18.689 Consequently, the reaction from many women of this time, 00:06:18.689 --> 00:06:22.689 who have been afflicted with this type of man, 00:06:22.689 --> 00:06:25.689 has been to resent Islam and its followers, 00:06:25.689 --> 00:06:27.689 describing it with every ugly term, 00:06:27.689 --> 00:06:29.689 and praising Western culture, 00:06:29.689 --> 00:06:33.689 considering it the model that should be followed 00:06:33.689 --> 00:06:36.689 in valuing women and respecting their feelings. 00:06:36.689 --> 00:06:40.939 Professor Muhammad Rashid Rida, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:06:40.939 --> 00:06:44.040 Among the affection between spouses 00:06:44.040 --> 00:06:47.040 is joking and playing. 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:51.040 Some men believe that amusing one's wife and joking with her 00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:54.040 diminishes the awe she holds for him, 00:06:54.040 --> 00:06:56.040 and her modesty before him. 00:06:56.040 --> 00:07:00.040 They forget that abandoning this diminishes her comfort with him, 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:03.069 her tranquility in him, and her love for him. 00:07:03.069 --> 00:07:07.069 Indeed, love is sufficient to replace the need for awe and excessive formality, 00:07:07.069 --> 00:07:10.069 if it were true that joking and playing— 00:07:10.069 --> 00:07:14.069 that amusement and playfulness—are incompatible with them. 00:07:14.069 --> 00:07:16.069 But that is not true. 00:07:16.069 --> 00:07:20.069 For the greatest of men in status, among the Prophets, the wise, 00:07:20.069 --> 00:07:22.069 and the refined kings, 00:07:22.069 --> 00:07:25.069 used to please their wives in their homes, 00:07:25.069 --> 00:07:30.069 and that did not diminish their dignity or majesty in the slightest. 00:07:30.069 --> 00:07:33.329 The Messenger, peace be upon him, 00:07:33.329 --> 00:07:36.329 used to joke with his wives and play with them. 00:07:36.329 --> 00:07:39.329 He said to Jabir, may Allah be pleased with him, 00:07:39.329 --> 00:07:42.329 when he asked his permission to marry a previously married woman: 00:07:42.329 --> 00:07:45.329 "Why not a virgin, so that you might play with her and she might play with you?" 00:07:45.329 --> 00:07:48.329 The hadith is in the two Sahihs. 00:07:48.329 --> 00:07:51.329 Likewise, the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to do this, 00:07:51.329 --> 00:07:56.329 to the point that it is narrated he would race ‘A’ishah in running, 00:07:56.329 --> 00:07:58.329 meaning intense sprinting. 00:07:58.329 --> 00:08:00.329 He raced her and she won, 00:08:00.329 --> 00:08:03.329 then he raced her and he won, 00:08:03.329 --> 00:08:06.329 and he said: "This is for that." 00:08:06.329 --> 00:08:09.329 It is found in Abu Dawud, Al-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah, 00:08:09.329 --> 00:08:11.329 and its chain of narration is authentic. 00:08:11.329 --> 00:08:14.389 It is also related from ‘Umar that he used to say: 00:08:14.389 --> 00:08:17.389 "A man should be like a child in his home." 00:08:17.389 --> 00:08:19.389 And in [Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din], 00:08:19.389 --> 00:08:22.389 it is said that ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, despite his sternness, said: 00:08:22.389 --> 00:08:26.389 "It is fitting for a man to be like a child among his family, 00:08:26.389 --> 00:08:30.389 but when they seek what he has, they find him a man." 00:08:30.389 --> 00:08:32.419 Yet, there is a limit to playfulness in the home; 00:08:32.419 --> 00:08:35.419 whoever exceeds it loses his respect, 00:08:35.419 --> 00:08:38.419 and whoever falls short in it makes his companionship burdensome. 00:08:38.419 --> 00:08:41.419 A wife finding her husband burdensome 00:08:41.419 --> 00:08:44.419 is a path to calamity and a cause of misery. 00:08:44.419 --> 00:08:48.519 So, are you among those who joke with their wives and play with them? 00:08:48.519 --> 00:08:50.519 I hope so. 00:08:50.519 --> 00:08:54.710 We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills. 00:08:54.710 --> 00:08:57.710 And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. 00:09:00.500 --> 00:09:04.500 Our mother ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.