WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.610 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 00:00:05.610 --> 00:00:13.160 Types of men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'. 00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:23.539 "My husband—if I speak of him, I speak of his faults..." 00:00:23.539 --> 00:00:28.140 After the first woman finished describing her husband's qualities, 00:00:28.140 --> 00:00:30.339 It was time for the second woman to speak. 00:00:30.339 --> 00:00:31.839 She said: 00:00:31.839 --> 00:00:34.539 "My husband—I will not spread his news, 00:00:34.539 --> 00:00:37.539 For I fear I will not leave him be. 00:00:37.539 --> 00:00:41.829 If I mention him, I mention his outer and inner faults." 00:00:41.829 --> 00:00:46.329 The group had agreed that each woman would describe her husband's full reality, 00:00:46.329 --> 00:00:49.829 Yet she found herself caught in a dilemma between two matters: 00:00:49.829 --> 00:00:51.329 First: 00:00:51.329 --> 00:00:57.329 She had pledged to the women that she would conceal nothing regarding her husband. 00:00:57.329 --> 00:00:58.829 Second: 00:00:58.829 --> 00:01:03.329 She detested exposing her husband's privacy and speaking ill of him. 00:01:03.329 --> 00:01:05.359 The cause of this dilemma 00:01:05.859 --> 00:01:09.859 Was her fear of where such speech about him would lead. 00:01:09.859 --> 00:01:11.859 She feared two outcomes: 00:01:11.859 --> 00:01:13.359 First: 00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:15.359 That her speech about him would grow lengthy, 00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:19.420 Leading her to enumerate all his apparent and hidden faults. 00:01:19.420 --> 00:01:21.920 Al-Asbahani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:24.920 "Her saying, 'I will not spread his news,' 00:01:24.920 --> 00:01:26.920 Means: I will not broadcast his affair. 00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:29.920 'For I fear I will not leave him be,' 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:33.420 Means: I fear I will leave no flaw of his unmentioned. 00:01:33.420 --> 00:01:38.049 And 'his outer and inner faults' refers to his defects." 00:01:38.049 --> 00:01:41.049 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:01:41.049 --> 00:01:44.049 "Her saying, 'I will not spread his news; 00:01:44.049 --> 00:01:46.049 I fear I will not leave him be,' 00:01:46.049 --> 00:01:48.049 Means: I will not stop talking about him. 00:01:48.049 --> 00:01:51.549 The pronoun refers back to his news. 00:01:51.549 --> 00:01:54.549 That is, owing to its length and abundance, 00:01:54.549 --> 00:01:58.049 If I begin describing him, I will not be able to finish." 00:01:58.049 --> 00:02:04.489 This signifies that this man's shortcomings were exceedingly numerous, 00:02:04.489 --> 00:02:06.989 Some worse and uglier than others. 00:02:06.989 --> 00:02:10.250 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:02:10.250 --> 00:02:15.250 "That is, if I were to mention any of his faults and deficiencies, 00:02:15.250 --> 00:02:19.250 It would inevitably lead to mentioning something else even uglier. 00:02:19.250 --> 00:02:25.250 Yet she had promised her companions not to conceal any of his traits from them, 00:02:25.250 --> 00:02:29.250 So she came to dislike the compact she had made with them, 00:02:29.250 --> 00:02:33.250 Choosing instead to conceal her husband's flaws due to their sheer abundance. 00:02:33.750 --> 00:02:36.750 She did not deem it right to mention some while omitting others, 00:02:36.750 --> 00:02:41.750 Knowing that mentioning one flaw would drag another into the light. 00:02:41.750 --> 00:02:44.750 Thus, she deemed staying silent to be the proper course." 00:02:44.750 --> 00:02:50.550 Her words also indicate that her heart was burdened and filled with grief on his account, 00:02:50.550 --> 00:02:57.550 And that she had never vented her distress regarding her husband to anyone before this gathering. 00:02:57.550 --> 00:03:00.050 This is one of the common mistakes among women: 00:03:00.050 --> 00:03:03.050 Carrying their grief alone, 00:03:03.050 --> 00:03:06.050 Until the problem escalates and they erupt, 00:03:06.050 --> 00:03:09.050 Making the issue far more difficult to resolve. 00:03:09.050 --> 00:03:13.240 The advice for anyone in such a state 00:03:13.240 --> 00:03:17.240 Is to seek counsel from those capable of guiding them toward a solution— 00:03:17.240 --> 00:03:20.240 Trusted individuals among the people of goodness and righteousness, 00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:24.240 Such as scholars, callers to Islam, or peacemakers. 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:29.240 It is not enough to vent grievances to women like herself 00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:31.240 Who possess no real counsel to offer. 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:36.370 Rather, the danger lies in sharing conjugal matters with women 00:03:36.370 --> 00:03:42.370 Who are not known for sacred knowledge, righteousness, or problem-solving ability. 00:03:42.370 --> 00:03:44.370 Sharing these matters with such people 00:03:44.370 --> 00:03:47.370 May only compound the problem 00:03:47.370 --> 00:03:50.370 And breed resentment in your heart against your husband, 00:03:50.370 --> 00:03:52.370 For she might be suffering just like you, 00:03:52.370 --> 00:03:55.370 Thereby adding distress upon your distress. 00:03:55.370 --> 00:03:58.370 She might even speak ill of men in general, 00:03:58.370 --> 00:04:00.370 Characterizing them all as unjust, 00:04:00.370 --> 00:04:03.370 Thus filling your heart with resentment toward them all. 00:04:03.370 --> 00:04:07.659 The second matter this woman feared 00:04:07.659 --> 00:04:09.719 Was divorce. 00:04:09.719 --> 00:04:12.719 Abu al-'Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:17.720 "She means that if she describes her husband's state, she will expose his faults, 00:04:17.720 --> 00:04:19.720 And if she does so, 00:04:19.720 --> 00:04:21.720 She fears he will separate from her, 00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:26.720 Though she dislikes separating from him due to the bonds between them." 00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:29.970 Her fear of divorce 00:04:29.970 --> 00:04:31.970 Holds several important implications, 00:04:31.970 --> 00:04:35.970 Chief among them being that she loved him and hated the thought of parting from him. 00:04:35.970 --> 00:04:38.970 This is precisely what al-Qurtubi noted: 00:04:38.970 --> 00:04:41.970 The bond between them was one of love, 00:04:41.970 --> 00:04:44.970 And despite his blameworthy traits, 00:04:44.970 --> 00:04:46.970 She still loved him. 00:04:46.970 --> 00:04:52.100 Some may struggle to comprehend this difficult equation: 00:04:52.100 --> 00:04:55.100 Love coexisting with terrible traits. 00:04:55.100 --> 00:04:58.100 This stems from a failure to understand women, their nature, 00:04:58.100 --> 00:05:00.100 And their way of thinking. 00:05:00.100 --> 00:05:06.290 Some men may not realize the depth of love their wives harbor for them, 00:05:06.290 --> 00:05:08.290 Nor the magnitude of their attachment to them— 00:05:08.290 --> 00:05:12.290 Whether due to preoccupation with personal pursuits, 00:05:12.290 --> 00:05:15.290 Professional life and earning a livelihood, 00:05:15.290 --> 00:05:19.290 Or simply failing to reflect on the matter altogether. 00:05:19.290 --> 00:05:22.540 As a baseline rule, noble men: 00:05:22.540 --> 00:05:26.540 A woman inherently dislikes and does not desire divorce, 00:05:26.540 --> 00:05:29.540 Even if she demands it during heated arguments. 00:05:29.540 --> 00:05:33.540 In a state of anger, anything can happen, 00:05:33.540 --> 00:05:37.540 For an angry person loses sight of what they are saying. 00:05:37.540 --> 00:05:40.540 Yet this does not mean, honorable brother, 00:05:40.540 --> 00:05:42.540 That you should exploit a woman's love for you, 00:05:42.540 --> 00:05:48.540 Persisting in harming her through objectionable habits. 00:05:48.540 --> 00:05:50.540 Rather, a wise man 00:05:50.540 --> 00:05:54.540 Capitalizes on the sincere criticism of those around him 00:05:54.540 --> 00:05:57.800 By rectifying his bad traits. 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:02.800 In this woman's fear of where speaking about her husband would lead, 00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:04.800 Lies another crucial benefit: 00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:09.800 Reflecting on the ultimate consequences of actions before taking them. 00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:15.829 This demonstrates that this second woman was exceptionally wise. 00:06:15.829 --> 00:06:18.829 For one who contemplates consequences 00:06:18.829 --> 00:06:22.829 Remains far removed from blameworthy haste— 00:06:22.829 --> 00:06:25.829 The kind of haste that can ruin her future, 00:06:25.829 --> 00:06:27.829 Fill her heart with regret, 00:06:27.829 --> 00:06:30.829 And leave her lamenting the past. 00:06:30.829 --> 00:06:36.120 Her conduct also demonstrates her patience with her husband 00:06:36.120 --> 00:06:38.120 And her noble demeanor toward him. 00:06:38.120 --> 00:06:43.120 For it is unimaginable that a man with such bad character 00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:45.120 Would be met by a woman with an equally bad disposition 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:48.120 Without him divorcing her. 00:06:48.120 --> 00:06:50.220 Her words also demonstrate 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:54.220 Restraint of her tongue when speaking of her husband. 00:06:54.220 --> 00:06:59.250 Restraining the tongue is one of the most vital traits that save one from Hellfire, 00:06:59.250 --> 00:07:03.250 Reflecting a high degree of intellect and deliberation 00:07:03.250 --> 00:07:07.250 Before uttering a single word. 00:07:07.250 --> 00:07:12.250 This can only be achieved by those possessing self-control and balance, 00:07:12.250 --> 00:07:16.250 Especially during moments of emotional strain. 00:07:16.250 --> 00:07:19.310 Thus, she was a patient and wise woman, 00:07:19.310 --> 00:07:22.310 Pondering the outcomes of her actions, 00:07:22.310 --> 00:07:25.310 Capable of guarding her tongue, 00:07:25.310 --> 00:07:28.310 Protective of her husband's secrets, 00:07:28.310 --> 00:07:30.310 And eager to conceal his flaws. 00:07:30.310 --> 00:07:34.379 Yet she was tested with a husband who appeared righteous outwardly 00:07:34.379 --> 00:07:36.379 And treated people well, 00:07:36.379 --> 00:07:39.379 But mistreated her within the home, 00:07:39.379 --> 00:07:42.379 Possessing innumerable faults 00:07:42.379 --> 00:07:45.379 Whose harm fell solely upon his own household. 00:07:46.730 --> 00:07:49.730 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:07:49.730 --> 00:07:51.730 "And in my view—and Allah knows best— 00:07:51.730 --> 00:07:54.730 He was outwardly respectable 00:07:54.730 --> 00:07:56.730 But inwardly corrupt. 00:07:56.730 --> 00:07:58.730 Thus, she did not wish to expose his secrets. 00:07:58.730 --> 00:08:00.730 Yet if she had spoken 00:08:00.730 --> 00:08:03.730 As she had pledged to her companions, 00:08:03.730 --> 00:08:06.730 She would have exposed his hidden ugliness 00:08:06.730 --> 00:08:08.730 And revealed her own miserable state 00:08:08.730 --> 00:08:11.730 And the immense grief he caused her, which had previously remained hidden. 00:08:11.730 --> 00:08:15.730 Nevertheless, though she merely alluded without detailing 00:08:15.730 --> 00:08:17.730 And spoke in generalities without elaborating, 00:08:17.730 --> 00:08:19.730 She still disclosed much, 00:08:19.730 --> 00:08:21.730 Even as she said, 'I will not spread his news,' 00:08:21.730 --> 00:08:27.300 For one burdened with distress must inevitably vent." 00:08:27.300 --> 00:08:30.300 Whoever is blessed with such a wise wife 00:08:30.300 --> 00:08:35.299 Should not persist in mistreating her; 00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:39.299 For she is a blessing from Allah Almighty 00:08:39.299 --> 00:08:41.299 That demands gratitude. 00:08:41.299 --> 00:08:44.299 Showing gratitude for blessings begins with self-rectification, 00:08:44.299 --> 00:08:46.299 Adhering to the truth, 00:08:46.299 --> 00:08:49.580 And embodying noble character. 00:08:49.580 --> 00:08:52.580 I urge men to act upon this hadith, 00:08:52.580 --> 00:08:56.580 Following the example of the noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) 00:08:56.580 --> 00:09:00.580 And emulating his conduct toward his family. 00:09:00.580 --> 00:09:03.679 On the authority of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), she said: 00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:07.679 The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: 00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:10.679 "The best of you are those who are best to their families, 00:09:10.679 --> 00:09:13.679 And I am the best of you to my family." 00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:15.679 Narrated by al-Tirmidhi. 00:09:15.679 --> 00:09:19.000 Ibn Battal (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:24.000 "In this lies a clear indication that what is most fitting and noble for a man 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:28.000 Is to bear the harm of his family patiently, turn a blind eye to them, 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:33.000 And pardon the personal grievances he endures at their hands, 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:36.000 So long as it does not violate the sacred rights of Allah. 00:09:36.000 --> 00:09:40.000 This is supported by what 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated 00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:43.000 Concerning the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)— 00:09:43.000 --> 00:09:51.000 His patience with the mistreatment he experienced from his wives, 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:54.000 Their causing him distress, and their shunning him. 00:09:54.000 --> 00:10:00.159 Yet it was never recorded that the Messenger of Allah punished them for that; 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:08.190 Rather, it was 'Umar who admonished them on his behalf, not the Messenger of Allah himself. 00:10:08.190 --> 00:10:14.190 Reports regarding the character of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) 00:10:14.190 --> 00:10:16.190 Consistently confirm what 'Umar described; 00:10:16.190 --> 00:10:21.190 Indeed, who else but him (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) should his Ummah emulate?" 00:10:21.190 --> 00:10:24.509 Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 00:10:24.509 --> 00:10:26.509 "The best of people 00:10:26.509 --> 00:10:28.509 Is the one who is best to his family. 00:10:28.509 --> 00:10:30.509 If you possess any goodness, 00:10:30.509 --> 00:10:33.509 Direct it toward those closest to you; 00:10:33.509 --> 00:10:37.509 Let them be the primary beneficiaries of this goodness. 00:10:37.509 --> 00:10:40.509 This stands in stark contrast to what some people do today: 00:10:40.509 --> 00:10:43.509 You find a man ill-mannered with his family 00:10:43.509 --> 00:10:45.509 Yet pleasant and polite with others. 00:10:45.509 --> 00:10:48.509 This is a grave error. 00:10:48.509 --> 00:10:51.509 Your family is most deserving of your good character; 00:10:51.509 --> 00:10:53.539 Show them the finest treatment, 00:10:53.539 --> 00:10:57.539 For they are the ones with you night and day, 00:10:57.539 --> 00:10:59.539 In private and in public. 00:10:59.539 --> 00:11:01.539 If affliction touches you, 00:11:01.539 --> 00:11:03.539 They suffer alongside you; 00:11:03.539 --> 00:11:05.539 If you rejoice, they rejoice with you; 00:11:05.539 --> 00:11:08.610 And if you grieve, they grieve with you. 00:11:08.610 --> 00:11:13.610 So let your treatment of them be better than your treatment of strangers. 00:11:13.610 --> 00:11:19.429 The best of people is the one who is best to his family. 00:11:19.429 --> 00:11:22.429 So how do you treat your family, honorable brother? 00:11:22.429 --> 00:11:26.429 And which type of husband are you to your wife?" 00:11:26.429 --> 00:11:31.289 We will continue in our next gathering, if Allah wills. 00:11:31.289 --> 00:11:35.289 And praise be to Allah, Lord of all the worlds.