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Riyadh al-Salihin (The Meadows of the Righteous)

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From the words of the Master of the Messengers,

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may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.

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Chapter: Admonition to Treat Women Well.

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Allah the Exalted said:

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"And live with them honorably."

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And the Exalted said:

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“Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (4:129)

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"Even if you are keen to do so..."

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“Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (4:129)

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"...leaving her hanging [neither fully married nor divorced]."

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"And if you reconcile and remain mindful of Allah..."

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“Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (4:129)

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On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

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"Treat women well and take care of them,

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for woman was created from a rib,

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and the most crooked part of a rib is its topmost portion.

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If you try to straighten it, you will break it,

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and if you leave it alone, it remains bent.

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So treat women well."

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Agreed upon.

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In another narration in the two Sahihs:

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"A woman is like a rib:

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if you try to straighten her, you break her;

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and if you enjoy her company,

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you do so while she still has crookedness in her."

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And in a narration of Muslim:

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"Indeed, woman was created from a rib;

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she will never remain consistently on one course for you.

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So if you enjoy her company,

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you do so while she still has crookedness in her;

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but if you insist on straightening her, you will break her,

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and breaking her is divorcing her."

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"Crookedness" ('iwaj) refers to a bend in something that was originally upright and then tilted.

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Among the lessons of the hadith:

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Gentleness should be shown toward women

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due to their inherent weakness and limited recourse.

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A woman does not remain fixed in a single emotional state,

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so she must be treated with gentleness, patience, and tact

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so that life with her may continue smoothly.

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A woman will never be perfectly upright for a man,

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because she was created from a curved rib.

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Therefore, her natural crookedness should not be condemned.

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For if you demand to straighten her,

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you will break her, as she is not constituted for that,

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and this will lead to discord and separation.

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But if you bear patiently with her shortcomings,

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her emotional vulnerability, and similar natural imperfections,

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the marriage will endure and companionship will continue.

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An educator's understanding of the nature of the person they seek to guide and refine

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aids them greatly in their pedagogical and outreach mission.

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The exegetes and hadith commentators have agreed

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that Hawwa' (Eve) was created from the left rib

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of Adam, peace and blessings be upon him.

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This was the view of Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father),

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and we know of no Companion who opposed him on this.

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The people of knowledge deduced this from this hadith

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and from the words of the Exalted:

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“O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah in Whom ye claim (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bare you). Lo! Allah hath been a watcher over you.” (4:1)

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"And created from it its mate."

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On the authority of Abdullah Ibn Zam'ah (may Allah be pleased with him),

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who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) delivering a sermon,

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in which he mentioned the she-camel and the man who hamstrung it.

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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

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"'When the most wretched of them broke forth,'

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there stepped forward to kill it a man of power, wicked and deeply entrenched in the protection of his clan."

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Then he mentioned women and admonished the people regarding them,

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saying:

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"One of you deliberately flogs his wife as he would flog a slave,

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and yet he may well embrace and lie with her at the end of the day!"

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Then he admonished them regarding laughing at passing gas,

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and said:

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"Why does one of you laugh at something he himself does?"

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Agreed upon.

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"Al-'arim" refers to a wicked, corrupt person.

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His saying "broke forth" (inba'atha) means he sprang up hastily.

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"A man of power" ('aziz) means a person of rare standing,

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"entrenched" (mani') means formidable and well-defended,

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and "rahtuh" means his clan

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and his people.

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"Flogging a slave" indicates severe, hurtful beating.

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"Lying with her" refers to marital intimacy.

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Among the lessons of the hadith:

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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)

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taught people solely through revelation,

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which includes narrating the stories of past nations.

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A scholar, when admonishing the people,

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ought to remind them of Allah's ways with past generations,

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because of the goodly admonition and reminders they contain for those who reflect.

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It highlights the miracle of Salih, peace and blessings be upon him,

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which was the she-camel.

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Human beings do not know what truly benefits them in this world and the Hereafter

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whenever they abandon the guidance of their Prophet,

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bringing ruin upon themselves.

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Those who spread corruption among the people

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and divert them from the path of Allah

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are often the affluent and wealthy,

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who possess influential clans and power.

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The common people generally follow the elite of society

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and their leaders in most circumstances.

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When the general public condones the corruption of the elite,

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the divine punishment encompasses them all.

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The permissibility of striking a wife with a light, non-injurious tap,

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and that is only after admonition and separation in bed have failed.

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Laughter is only appropriate at rare and unusual occurrences;

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as for something normal that every human being experiences,

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laughing at it contradicts proper decorum (muru'ah)

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and violates the sanctity of a fellow Muslim.

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On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

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"A believing man must not loathe a believing woman:

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if he dislikes one of her traits, he will be pleased with another,"

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or he said something similar.

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Reported by Muslim.

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His saying "yafruk" means to despise or loathe.

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It is said, "The woman loathed (farikat) her husband,"

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and "Her husband loathed her (farikaha)"—meaning hated her.

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And Allah knows best.

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Among the lessons of the hadith:

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A man is forbidden from harboring total hatred toward his believing wife,

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an absolute detestation

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that drives him to divorce her;

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rather, he must balance what he dislikes in her

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with what pleases him about her,

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pardoning her faults,

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overlooking her shortcomings,

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and letting what he loves in her outweigh what he dislikes.

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This is how Islam teaches us

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moderation in both love and hate.

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For this reason, Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

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"O Aslam, let not your love be an obsession,

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nor your hatred be destructive."

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Aslam asked, "How is that?"

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Umar replied:

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"When you love,

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do not become infatuated like a child infatuated with something he loves;

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and when you hate,

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do not hate with such bitterness

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that you wish ruin and destruction upon your companion."

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Women in general

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fluctuate between good and bad,

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and they do not remain fixed in one single state.

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A man ought to

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control his emotions and impulses

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by letting his reason govern

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in any dispute that arises with his wife.

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On the authority of Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami (may Allah be pleased with him),

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who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)

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say during the Farewell Pilgrimage,

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after he had praised Allah the Exalted,

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extolled Him, reminded the people, and admonished them;

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he then said:

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"Indeed, treat women well and take care of them,

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for they are like captives in your custody;

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you possess nothing more from them than that,

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unless they commit clear, open indecency.

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If they do so,

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then refuse to share their beds,

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and strike them with a light, non-injurious blow.

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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)

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Behold, you have rights over your women,

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and your women have rights over you.

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As for your rights over them,

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it is that they do not allow anyone you dislike onto your bedding,

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nor permit anyone you dislike into your homes.

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Behold, and their right over you

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is that you treat them well

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in their clothing and their food."

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Reported by al-Tirmidhi.

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His saying, peace and blessings be upon him,

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"'awan"

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means female captives;

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it is the plural of "'aniyah",

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which means a female captive,

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while "al-'ani"

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means a male captive.

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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) likened

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a woman's entry under her husband's authority

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to that of a captive.

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"Severe beating" (al-darb al-mubarrih)

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refers to harsh, injurious hitting.

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And his saying, peace and blessings be upon him:

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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)

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meaning: do not seek an excuse or a pretext

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to hold against them

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or to harm them with.

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And Allah knows best.

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"You possess nothing more from them than that":

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meaning beyond lawful physical intimacy,

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her safeguarding her husband's honor, wealth, and children,

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and attending to his household affairs and service.

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"Clear, open indecency":

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meaning a major, evident act of marital misconduct and defiance.

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"Al-madaji'"

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means the marital beds.

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Among the lessons of the hadith:

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It is part of the Sunnah in giving an admonition

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to begin with praising and extolling Allah as He rightfully deserves.

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If a woman exhibits recalcitrance (nushuz),

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the husband should discipline her according to the following stages:

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First:

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Admonition, reminder, warning, and encouragement;

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Second:

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Forsaking them in bed;

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and thirdly,

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non-severe striking.

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A husband has rights,

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and a wife has rights.

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It is not permissible for a woman to allow anyone

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into her husband's home

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except with his permission.

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It is not permissible for a woman to dispose of

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her husband's wealth and property

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except with his permission.

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A man must provide for his wife

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and treat her honorably to the best of his ability.

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On the authority of Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

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I asked, "O Messenger of Allah,

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what is the right of the wife of one of us upon him?"

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He replied:

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"That you feed her when you eat,

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clothe her when you clothe yourself,

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do not strike the face, do not revile her,

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and do not forsake her except within the house."

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Related by Abu Dawud.

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And he said:

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The meaning of "do not revile her"

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is: do not say, "May Allah make you ugly."

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Among the benefits derived from this hadith:

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The prohibition of striking the face, due to its sacred dignity.

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It is not permissible to taunt a wife

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about ugliness of appearance,

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for all of Allah's creation is beautiful.

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A man ought to know his wife's rights

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in order to fulfill them toward her.

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Forsaking in bed

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is a means of disciplining a woman.

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Indeed, it is established that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) withdrew

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from his wives to an upper chamber

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outside the home.

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The wife's right is to be fed, clothed,

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and provided for;

244
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it is forbidden to withhold any of that from her,

245
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or to give her mere scraps out of contempt for her.

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On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

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"The most complete of believers in faith

249
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are those best in character,

250
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and the best of you are the best of you to their women."

251
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Related by al-Tirmidhi.

252
00:12:54,639 --> 00:12:58,210
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:

253
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:04,559
Ahl al-Sunnah are the followers of the righteous salaf (early generations) in their creed concerning faith,

254
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which is that it consists of belief, speech, and action;

255
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it increases through obedience and decreases through disobedience.

256
00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:15,980
The hadith indicates that faith has both an essential foundation and a state of perfection.

257
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Whoever has no good in him for his family

258
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has no good in him for people in general.

259
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:27,970
It indicates that one's nearest kin are the most deserving of kindness.

260
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:33,669
It urges treating one's wife with a cheerful countenance and refraining from harming her,

261
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showing excellence toward her, and being patient with her.

262
00:13:37,669 --> 00:13:42,059
Good character is among the qualities of those complete in faith

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and the truly sincere and God-fearing.

264
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On the authority of Iyas ibn 'Abdullah ibn Abi Dhubab (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:

265
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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

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"Do not strike the female servants of Allah."

267
00:13:58,269 --> 00:14:04,370
Then 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)

268
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and said,

269
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:09,370
"The women have become emboldened against their husbands."

270
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,370
So he granted a dispensation to strike them.

271
00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:17,370
Thereupon, many women came surrounding the household of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),

272
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complaining about their husbands.

273
00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:23,399
So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

274
00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:28,399
"Many women have surrounded the household of Muhammad,

275
00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:30,399
complaining about their husbands;

276
00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:33,399
those men are not the best among you."

277
00:14:33,399 --> 00:14:36,460
Related by Abu Dawud.

278
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,779
His saying, "dha'irna"

279
00:14:38,779 --> 00:14:40,909
means: they became emboldened.

280
00:14:40,909 --> 00:14:42,909
His saying, "atafa"

281
00:14:42,909 --> 00:14:43,909
means: they surrounded.

282
00:14:43,909 --> 00:14:47,610
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:

283
00:14:48,990 --> 00:14:52,990
Striking is a disciplinary measure for a recalcitrant wife,

284
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,990
and it is permissible in principle,

285
00:14:54,990 --> 00:14:56,990
but on the condition

286
00:14:56,990 --> 00:14:58,990
that it be non-severe,

287
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:00,990
that the face be avoided,

288
00:15:00,990 --> 00:15:02,990
that she not be reviled,

289
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,990
that it comes after admonition and forsaking,

290
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,990
and that it be intended for discipline, not to cause harm.

291
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:12,500
A man is a shepherd in his home,

292
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:16,500
so he ought to lead his family with gentle care,

293
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,500
cultivating and raising them

294
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:22,049
with wisdom and goodly admonition.

295
00:15:22,049 --> 00:15:25,049
The permissibility of questioning a scholar regarding a ruling

296
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:29,500
to understand its consequences and ramifications.

297
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,500
The permissibility of complaining to a ruler or a scholar

298
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:35,500
if harm has befallen the complainant from someone else

299
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,500
because of a ruling,

300
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:40,980
or because an injustice was done to them by another.

301
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,980
In this hadith is an indication of the wisdom behind

302
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:46,980
the Prophet's multiple marriages:

303
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,980
namely, the legislative dimension,

304
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,980
as his wives served as an intermediary between him

305
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:53,980
and the Muslim women

306
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,980
in asking questions and conveying answers.

307
00:15:55,980 --> 00:16:02,929
On the authority of 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (may Allah be pleased with them both),

308
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:06,929
that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

309
00:16:06,929 --> 00:16:09,929
"The world is an ephemeral provision,

310
00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:12,929
and the best provision of this world is a righteous woman."

311
00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:15,120
Related by Muslim.

312
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,889
"Mata'" (provision)

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00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:21,889
means something enjoyed for a temporary period,

314
00:16:21,889 --> 00:16:23,889
which then fades away.

315
00:16:23,889 --> 00:16:26,659
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:

316
00:16:26,659 --> 00:16:32,820
It is permissible to enjoy the good things of this world that Allah has made lawful for His servants,

317
00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:34,820
without extravagance or vanity.

318
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:39,169
Encouragement to choose a righteous woman,

319
00:16:39,169 --> 00:16:42,169
for she is a cornerstone of happiness

320
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:46,779
and a help to her husband in obeying his Lord.

321
00:16:46,779 --> 00:16:50,779
The greatest provision of this world is that which is spent in obedience to Allah

322
00:16:50,779 --> 00:16:52,779
or assists toward it,

323
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,779
for all ephemeral enjoyment will perish

324
00:16:55,779 --> 00:16:57,779
except that which was done in obedience,

325
00:16:57,779 --> 00:17:00,779
for that is enduring and everlasting,

326
00:17:00,779 --> 00:17:04,779
with the One who does not allow the reward of those who do good to be lost.

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00:17:05,869 --> 00:17:08,869
Riyadh al-Salihin.