Riyadh al-Salihin (The Meadows of the Righteous)
From the words of the Master of the Messengers,
may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.
Chapter: Admonition to Treat Women Well.
Allah the Exalted said:
"And live with them honorably."
And the Exalted said:
“Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (4:129)
"Even if you are keen to do so..."
“Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (4:129)
"...leaving her hanging [neither fully married nor divorced]."
"And if you reconcile and remain mindful of Allah..."
“Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (4:129)
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
"Treat women well and take care of them,
for woman was created from a rib,
and the most crooked part of a rib is its topmost portion.
If you try to straighten it, you will break it,
and if you leave it alone, it remains bent.
So treat women well."
Agreed upon.
In another narration in the two Sahihs:
"A woman is like a rib:
if you try to straighten her, you break her;
and if you enjoy her company,
you do so while she still has crookedness in her."
And in a narration of Muslim:
"Indeed, woman was created from a rib;
she will never remain consistently on one course for you.
So if you enjoy her company,
you do so while she still has crookedness in her;
but if you insist on straightening her, you will break her,
and breaking her is divorcing her."
"Crookedness" ('iwaj) refers to a bend in something that was originally upright and then tilted.
Among the lessons of the hadith:
Gentleness should be shown toward women
due to their inherent weakness and limited recourse.
A woman does not remain fixed in a single emotional state,
so she must be treated with gentleness, patience, and tact
so that life with her may continue smoothly.
A woman will never be perfectly upright for a man,
because she was created from a curved rib.
Therefore, her natural crookedness should not be condemned.
For if you demand to straighten her,
you will break her, as she is not constituted for that,
and this will lead to discord and separation.
But if you bear patiently with her shortcomings,
her emotional vulnerability, and similar natural imperfections,
the marriage will endure and companionship will continue.
An educator's understanding of the nature of the person they seek to guide and refine
aids them greatly in their pedagogical and outreach mission.
The exegetes and hadith commentators have agreed
that Hawwa' (Eve) was created from the left rib
of Adam, peace and blessings be upon him.
This was the view of Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father),
and we know of no Companion who opposed him on this.
The people of knowledge deduced this from this hadith
and from the words of the Exalted:
“O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah in Whom ye claim (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bare you). Lo! Allah hath been a watcher over you.” (4:1)
"And created from it its mate."
On the authority of Abdullah Ibn Zam'ah (may Allah be pleased with him),
who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) delivering a sermon,
in which he mentioned the she-camel and the man who hamstrung it.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"'When the most wretched of them broke forth,'
there stepped forward to kill it a man of power, wicked and deeply entrenched in the protection of his clan."
Then he mentioned women and admonished the people regarding them,
saying:
"One of you deliberately flogs his wife as he would flog a slave,
and yet he may well embrace and lie with her at the end of the day!"
Then he admonished them regarding laughing at passing gas,
and said:
"Why does one of you laugh at something he himself does?"
Agreed upon.
"Al-'arim" refers to a wicked, corrupt person.
His saying "broke forth" (inba'atha) means he sprang up hastily.
"A man of power" ('aziz) means a person of rare standing,
"entrenched" (mani') means formidable and well-defended,
and "rahtuh" means his clan
and his people.
"Flogging a slave" indicates severe, hurtful beating.
"Lying with her" refers to marital intimacy.
Among the lessons of the hadith:
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
taught people solely through revelation,
which includes narrating the stories of past nations.
A scholar, when admonishing the people,
ought to remind them of Allah's ways with past generations,
because of the goodly admonition and reminders they contain for those who reflect.
It highlights the miracle of Salih, peace and blessings be upon him,
which was the she-camel.
Human beings do not know what truly benefits them in this world and the Hereafter
whenever they abandon the guidance of their Prophet,
bringing ruin upon themselves.
Those who spread corruption among the people
and divert them from the path of Allah
are often the affluent and wealthy,
who possess influential clans and power.
The common people generally follow the elite of society
and their leaders in most circumstances.
When the general public condones the corruption of the elite,
the divine punishment encompasses them all.
The permissibility of striking a wife with a light, non-injurious tap,
and that is only after admonition and separation in bed have failed.
Laughter is only appropriate at rare and unusual occurrences;
as for something normal that every human being experiences,
laughing at it contradicts proper decorum (muru'ah)
and violates the sanctity of a fellow Muslim.
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
"A believing man must not loathe a believing woman:
if he dislikes one of her traits, he will be pleased with another,"
or he said something similar.
Reported by Muslim.
His saying "yafruk" means to despise or loathe.
It is said, "The woman loathed (farikat) her husband,"
and "Her husband loathed her (farikaha)"—meaning hated her.
And Allah knows best.
Among the lessons of the hadith:
A man is forbidden from harboring total hatred toward his believing wife,
an absolute detestation
that drives him to divorce her;
rather, he must balance what he dislikes in her
with what pleases him about her,
pardoning her faults,
overlooking her shortcomings,
and letting what he loves in her outweigh what he dislikes.
This is how Islam teaches us
moderation in both love and hate.
For this reason, Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
"O Aslam, let not your love be an obsession,
nor your hatred be destructive."
Aslam asked, "How is that?"
Umar replied:
"When you love,
do not become infatuated like a child infatuated with something he loves;
and when you hate,
do not hate with such bitterness
that you wish ruin and destruction upon your companion."
Women in general
fluctuate between good and bad,
and they do not remain fixed in one single state.
A man ought to
control his emotions and impulses
by letting his reason govern
in any dispute that arises with his wife.
On the authority of Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami (may Allah be pleased with him),
who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
say during the Farewell Pilgrimage,
after he had praised Allah the Exalted,
extolled Him, reminded the people, and admonished them;
he then said:
"Indeed, treat women well and take care of them,
for they are like captives in your custody;
you possess nothing more from them than that,
unless they commit clear, open indecency.
If they do so,
then refuse to share their beds,
and strike them with a light, non-injurious blow.
“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
Behold, you have rights over your women,
and your women have rights over you.
As for your rights over them,
it is that they do not allow anyone you dislike onto your bedding,
nor permit anyone you dislike into your homes.
Behold, and their right over you
is that you treat them well
in their clothing and their food."
Reported by al-Tirmidhi.
His saying, peace and blessings be upon him,
"'awan"
means female captives;
it is the plural of "'aniyah",
which means a female captive,
while "al-'ani"
means a male captive.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) likened
a woman's entry under her husband's authority
to that of a captive.
"Severe beating" (al-darb al-mubarrih)
refers to harsh, injurious hitting.
And his saying, peace and blessings be upon him:
“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
meaning: do not seek an excuse or a pretext
to hold against them
or to harm them with.
And Allah knows best.
"You possess nothing more from them than that":
meaning beyond lawful physical intimacy,
her safeguarding her husband's honor, wealth, and children,
and attending to his household affairs and service.
"Clear, open indecency":
meaning a major, evident act of marital misconduct and defiance.
"Al-madaji'"
means the marital beds.
Among the lessons of the hadith:
It is part of the Sunnah in giving an admonition
to begin with praising and extolling Allah as He rightfully deserves.
If a woman exhibits recalcitrance (nushuz),
the husband should discipline her according to the following stages:
First:
Admonition, reminder, warning, and encouragement;
Second:
Forsaking them in bed;
and thirdly,
non-severe striking.
A husband has rights,
and a wife has rights.
It is not permissible for a woman to allow anyone
into her husband's home
except with his permission.
It is not permissible for a woman to dispose of
her husband's wealth and property
except with his permission.
A man must provide for his wife
and treat her honorably to the best of his ability.
On the authority of Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
I asked, "O Messenger of Allah,
what is the right of the wife of one of us upon him?"
He replied:
"That you feed her when you eat,
clothe her when you clothe yourself,
do not strike the face, do not revile her,
and do not forsake her except within the house."
Related by Abu Dawud.
And he said:
The meaning of "do not revile her"
is: do not say, "May Allah make you ugly."
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:
The prohibition of striking the face, due to its sacred dignity.
It is not permissible to taunt a wife
about ugliness of appearance,
for all of Allah's creation is beautiful.
A man ought to know his wife's rights
in order to fulfill them toward her.
Forsaking in bed
is a means of disciplining a woman.
Indeed, it is established that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) withdrew
from his wives to an upper chamber
outside the home.
The wife's right is to be fed, clothed,
and provided for;
it is forbidden to withhold any of that from her,
or to give her mere scraps out of contempt for her.
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"The most complete of believers in faith
are those best in character,
and the best of you are the best of you to their women."
Related by al-Tirmidhi.
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:
Ahl al-Sunnah are the followers of the righteous salaf (early generations) in their creed concerning faith,
which is that it consists of belief, speech, and action;
it increases through obedience and decreases through disobedience.
The hadith indicates that faith has both an essential foundation and a state of perfection.
Whoever has no good in him for his family
has no good in him for people in general.
It indicates that one's nearest kin are the most deserving of kindness.
It urges treating one's wife with a cheerful countenance and refraining from harming her,
showing excellence toward her, and being patient with her.
Good character is among the qualities of those complete in faith
and the truly sincere and God-fearing.
On the authority of Iyas ibn 'Abdullah ibn Abi Dhubab (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"Do not strike the female servants of Allah."
Then 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
and said,
"The women have become emboldened against their husbands."
So he granted a dispensation to strike them.
Thereupon, many women came surrounding the household of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),
complaining about their husbands.
So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"Many women have surrounded the household of Muhammad,
complaining about their husbands;
those men are not the best among you."
Related by Abu Dawud.
His saying, "dha'irna"
means: they became emboldened.
His saying, "atafa"
means: they surrounded.
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:
Striking is a disciplinary measure for a recalcitrant wife,
and it is permissible in principle,
but on the condition
that it be non-severe,
that the face be avoided,
that she not be reviled,
that it comes after admonition and forsaking,
and that it be intended for discipline, not to cause harm.
A man is a shepherd in his home,
so he ought to lead his family with gentle care,
cultivating and raising them
with wisdom and goodly admonition.
The permissibility of questioning a scholar regarding a ruling
to understand its consequences and ramifications.
The permissibility of complaining to a ruler or a scholar
if harm has befallen the complainant from someone else
because of a ruling,
or because an injustice was done to them by another.
In this hadith is an indication of the wisdom behind
the Prophet's multiple marriages:
namely, the legislative dimension,
as his wives served as an intermediary between him
and the Muslim women
in asking questions and conveying answers.
On the authority of 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (may Allah be pleased with them both),
that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"The world is an ephemeral provision,
and the best provision of this world is a righteous woman."
Related by Muslim.
"Mata'" (provision)
means something enjoyed for a temporary period,
which then fades away.
Among the benefits derived from this hadith:
It is permissible to enjoy the good things of this world that Allah has made lawful for His servants,
without extravagance or vanity.
Encouragement to choose a righteous woman,
for she is a cornerstone of happiness
and a help to her husband in obeying his Lord.
The greatest provision of this world is that which is spent in obedience to Allah
or assists toward it,
for all ephemeral enjoyment will perish
except that which was done in obedience,
for that is enduring and everlasting,
with the One who does not allow the reward of those who do good to be lost.
Riyadh al-Salihin.