In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Categories of Men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'
A Wife's Reaction to Being Struck
In the previous talk, I addressed the first point regarding striking:
namely, its permissibility alongside the preference of avoiding it.
And now for the second point:
when does striking serve as a disciplinary measure?
Striking is a disciplinary measure
stipulated by the Qur'an for dealing with a recalcitrant wife,
and stipulated by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
regarding training a child to pray
once they reach the age of ten and do not pray.
Yet this striking is of no avail unless it adheres to
the legal conditions governing the manner of striking
and when it may be used.
Whenever a man violates the conditions of this measure
in disciplining his wife,
no benefit can be expected from it;
rather, the woman's reaction is expected to turn out
contrary to what the man desires and hopes for.
The husband faces two scenarios:
The first scenario is that he abides
by what the Sharia has prescribed regarding the manner of striking
and the stage at which it is employed,
following the steps that precede striking,
such as admonition and forsaking them in bed,
should the woman persist in her recalcitrance;
although it remains better not to resort to striking,
following the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
As stated in the hadith of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her),
she said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never struck
anything at all with his hand,
neither a woman nor a servant,
except when fighting in the cause of Allah.
Nor was he ever harmed in any way and sought retribution
against the perpetrator, unless one of the
sacred bounds of Allah was violated, in which case he took retribution
for the sake of Allah, the Almighty and Majestic." Narrated
by Muslim. Imam al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"This indicates that striking a wife, a servant,
or an animal, even if permissible for disciplinary purposes,
is better avoided."
As for the wife's reaction toward such a righteous husband,
it falls into two cases:
The first is if she is righteous, sensible,
and fears Allah Almighty;
she is then expected to return to her senses,
obey her husband, and abandon her recalcitrance.
The second is that she persists in recalcitrance,
even after being struck.
This may be due to one of two reasons:
The first reason is that she detests him,
is forced to remain with him,
and is pressured by those around her,
such as her family and friends.
Thus, she is wronged and finds no one to support her,
even though the Sharia grants her the right to *khul'* (no-fault divorce).
So she may ransom herself with what he gave her
of the bridal gift (mahr) and divorce herself,
as in the story of the wife of Thabit ibn Qays.
On the authority of Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both),
he said: "The wife of Thabit ibn Qays came
to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
and said: 'O Messenger of Allah,
I do not reproach Thabit
in his religious commitment or character,
but I cannot bear to live with him.'
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
'Will you return his orchard to him?'
She said: 'Yes.'" Narrated by al-Bukhari.
If a woman possesses valid
legal grounds for *khul'*,
she is permitted to request a *khul'* divorce,
and a sensible man ought to accept the compensation from her
and not force her into a life she does not desire.
The second reason is that the woman
is influenced by feminist ideology,
which calls upon her to rebel against the man
and against the teachings of Islam,
granting her absolute freedom
to act upon whatever her desires dictate,
while humiliating the man and undermining his authority.
The counsel for the husband here
is to employ the divine guidance
in dealing with this type of woman,
as stated in His words, the Exalted:
﴾O you who have believed,
it is not lawful for you to treat them with harshness in order to take away
a part of what you have given them,
unless they commit a clear immorality.﴿
Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"It is not permissible for a man to constrain a woman
by mistreating and pressuring her
so that she surrenders part of her bridal gift,
nor may he strike her for that purpose.
However, if she commits a clear immorality,
he may constrain her so that she ransoms herself from him,
and he may strike her.
This is between the man and Allah."
So what is the immorality that permits a man
to compel her to seek *khul'*
and return the bridal gift?
Ibn Jarir (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"The most appropriate interpretation of His words,
﴾Unless they commit a clear immorality,﴿
is that it refers to any obscenity, such as foulness
of tongue directed against her husband,
harming him, or committing unlawful sexual intercourse.
That is because Allah, Exalted is His praise,
encompassed through His words,
﴾Unless they commit a clear immorality,﴿
every manifest and evident obscenity."
The corruption of a woman's religious commitment through feminist ideology
is most intolerable to a protective husband.
For feminist ideology
urges the woman to rebel against the man
in every conceivable manner,
inciting her to go out displaying her adornments and wearing perfume,
and encouraging her to freely mix with men
in workplaces, cafes, parties, and elsewhere,
even if the husband does not approve of it.
The second scenario
is when the man exceeds the legal limits in striking,
beating the woman severely
in violation of the command of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
The woman's reaction
in this situation
is to seek divorce on grounds of harm inflicted upon her
by this husband.
Yet the concern is that this woman's reaction might turn
in a direction that violates the Sharia,
because of this husband's violent treatment of her,
leading her to attribute her husband's misconduct to Islam.
Then the promoters of misguidance seize upon her—
those who advocate the destruction of families—
to use her as an argument for prohibiting the striking of women
entirely and unconditionally,
and to call for adopting Western frameworks,
such as their domestic violence laws and the like.
Muhammad Rashid Rida (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"Some of those who blindly imitate the Westerners act arrogantly,
decrying the permissibility of disciplining a recalcitrant wife,
while they do not deem it outrageous that she rebels and exalts herself over him,
turning him, though he is the head of the household, into a subordinate—
or rather, an object of contempt!
She persists in her recalcitrance,
neither softening at his admonition and counsel,
nor caring about his turning away and forsaking her.
I do not know how they propose to remedy such recalcitrant wives,
or what counsel they offer to their husbands.
Perhaps they imagine a frail, slender,
refined, and well-mannered woman
oppressed by a coarse, harsh man
who feeds his whip with her tender flesh
and drenches it in her flowing blood,
claiming that Allah Almighty permitted him
such a manner of beating,
and fabricating accusations against her when she is innocent of any fault,
as is frequently done by hard-hearted,
callous men of rigid temperament.
Far be it from Allah to permit such injustice
or to be pleased with it!
Indeed, among men there is the haughty and harsh oppressor
who wrongs a woman out of pure aggression;
numerous hadiths have been transmitted regarding the counsel to treat women well
in rebuke of men like him,
and what applies to them is what the Qur'anic verse
prescribed regarding arbitration.
Likewise, among women there are
the spiteful, defiant, and insolent wives
who despise their husbands,
deny their favors,
defy them out of vanity and obstinacy,
and burden them beyond their endurance.
So what corruption would occur on earth
if a pious, noble man is permitted
to curb the arrogance of such a woman
and bring down her haughty pride
with a light strike to her hand
or a light slap aimed at her neck?
Even many of their Western leaders
beat their educated, sophisticated wives,
as well as those who are clothed yet naked,
seductively swaying and leading others astray.
This is practiced by their philosophers, their scholars,
their kings, and their princes;
it is a necessity indispensable even to those who go to extremes
in honoring those educated women.
How then can its permissibility out of necessity be denounced
in a universal religion meant for both bedouins and urban dwellers,
encompassing all categories of humanity?"
So take heed, dear husband,
of the consequences of your actions with your wife;
adhere to wisdom in resolving your marital issues,
and consult the people of knowledge,
for you will never fail to find goodness in seeking counsel.
We shall continue in a future session, if Allah wills.
And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all worlds.