In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
The Types of Men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'
The Types of Men in Relation to Their Wives
All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all the worlds,
and may peace and blessings be upon the noblest of prophets and messengers,
our Prophet Muhammad,
and upon his family and all his Companions.
To proceed:
This is a new series,
somewhat different from the series produced in past years.
It does not recount the story of a specific woman mentioned in the Noble Qur'an,
nor is its primary subject simply women.
Rather, it addresses the different types of men in their treatment of their wives.
This classification of men
was articulated by a group of women
who spoke about their husbands with utter candor and clarity,
in exceptionally eloquent Arabic.
The one who conveyed this beneficial account to us
is our mother 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
in the lengthy hadith of Umm Zar',
which she narrated to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
He listened to her attentively and with keen interest,
then commented on her words with profound remarks
full of lessons for those who reflect.
"The Types of Men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'"
is the theme of this Ramadan series.
The objective of presenting this topic
is to recognize the qualities a woman loves in her husband
and the traits she dislikes in him,
as well as to understand how women handled these traits.
Indeed, the hadith of Umm Zar',
while focusing on detailing the types of men,
also reveals the extent of a woman’s suffering with her husband,
and what lies concealed within her heart
that is otherwise difficult to disclose to anyone.
Thus, this hadith is of immense importance for a man,
enabling him to understand how a woman thinks,
how she views the man in her life,
and her most vital emotional and physical needs.
This magnificent hadith also highlights
some of woman's innate dispositions,
as well as both commendable and blameworthy traits.
This means that woman is strongly present within the meanings of the hadith
and throughout the details of this series.
We can truly say
that this series
is women speaking about men
and elucidating their various types.
A man needs to examine himself
and identify which category he belongs to,
so that he may rectify his shortcomings if he is at fault,
capitalize on the good qualities he possesses,
nurture them, and find happiness through them.
Likewise, a woman
needs to understand her husband's nature
and which type of man he is,
in order to interact with him effectively,
guide him toward the good within him,
and steer him away from blameworthy male traits.
This is truly a magnificent hadith,
about which al-Hafiz Ibn al-Mulaqqin (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"This hadith is grand and comprehensive,
teeming with benefits.
Dedicated treatises have been authored on it;
treatises were devoted to it by Abu al-Qasim Ibn Hibban,
al-Qadi, and Ibn Qutaybah."
Scholars dedicated independent works to it exclusively
because of its abundant benefits
and precise details that are rarely found
gathered together anywhere else.
It is therefore incumbent upon all of us,
both men and women,
to pay close attention to this hadith—studying it, teaching it,
and even memorizing it whenever possible.
Abu al-Qasim al-Qazwini (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"My father (may Allah have mercy on him)
used to encourage me to memorize this hadith in my youth
due to its numerous benefits and eloquent wording."
This encouragement from his father
led him to author a commentary on this hadith,
the hadith of Umm Zar'.
Some people may find it challenging to comprehend certain words found
in the hadith upon first encounter,
and that is hardly surprising;
for these words were uttered by women
who were pure, native Arabs
whose tongues were never mixed with foreign influence,
and who engaged in nothing other than the pristine Arabic tongue.
This stands in contrast to our present age,
in which tongues have grown weak in speaking classical Arabic,
foreign influences have encroached upon us from all directions,
and foreign languages have become predominant
across the Muslim lands.
As for this hadith,
it has reached us in remarkably beautiful Arabic phrasing.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad al-Yahsubi
(may Allah have mercy on him) said of it:
"In sum, the speech of these women
belongs to the most eloquent expressions,
the soundest meanings,
and the most masterfully articulated rhetoric.
It is ingenious in its metonymy and allusion,
and sublime in its similes and metaphors.
Some of them were more eloquent in utterance,
superior in mastery,
more expansive in elaboration,
and more firmly grounded in rhetorical principle.
The speech of some possessed greater elegance and splendor,
refined delicacy, and sweeter flow;
while others were more direct in eloquence,
clearer in exposition,
and more subtle in concise argumentation.
If you contemplate the speech of Umm Zar',
you find that, despite its many sections and lack of superfluity,
it consists of carefully chosen words and distinctly clear features,
sharply delineated.
Its words are precisely measured to match its meanings,
its foundations are firmly established,
and its structures are loftily erected.
Every part of it occupies an esteemed place in rhetoric,
and within it are deposited literary marvels.
And if you examine the words of the ninth woman—
the one who described the high pillar, long sword-belt, and abundant ashes—
you will find that she encompasses diverse avenues of eloquence,
elevates the craft of rhetoric,
and strikes deeply with concise, purposeful expression."
Now, turning to the text of the hadith:
On the authority of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), who said:
"Eleven women sat together
and covenanted and pledged
not to conceal anything regarding their husbands.
The first woman said:
'My husband is like the meat of a scrawny camel
atop a rugged mountain peak:
neither easy to ascend
nor plump enough to be worth retrieving.'
The second woman said:
'I shall not broadcast my husband's news,
for I fear I would never finish with it;
if I were to mention him, I would recount his visible and hidden faults.'
The third woman said:
'My husband is a tall tyrant:
if I speak, I am divorced;
and if I remain silent, I am left suspended.'
The fourth woman said:
'My husband is like the night of Tihamah:
neither hot nor cold,
inspiring neither fear nor weariness.'
The fifth woman said:
'My husband, when he enters, is like a leopard;
when he goes out, he is like a lion;
and he does not inquire about what he had left behind.'
The sixth woman said:
'My husband, when he eats, devours everything;
when he drinks, leaves nothing behind;
and when he lies down, wraps himself up entirely,
never extending his hand
to feel my sorrow.'
The seventh woman said:
'My husband is utterly inept
and senseless,
a heavy burden;
every ailment in others is combined in him:
he would fracture your head, or break your bone,
or inflict both upon you.'
The eighth woman said:
'My husband's touch
is as soft as the touch of a rabbit,
and his scent is the fragrance of sweet aromatic herbs.'
The ninth woman said:
'My husband is of a lofty tent-pillar,
with a long sword-belt,
of abundant hearth-ashes,
and his home is close to the gathering hall.'
The tenth woman said:
'My husband is Malik,
and what a man Malik is!
Malik is far better than any praise I could offer.
He possesses many camels that stay resting in their pens
and rarely go out to pasture;
rarely go out to pasture,
rarely go out to pasture.
Whenever they hear the strumming of the lute,
they are certain they are about to be slaughtered for guests;
they are certain they are about to be slaughtered.'
The eleventh woman said:
'My husband is Abu Zar',
and what a man Abu Zar' is!
He loaded my ears with swinging jewelry
and filled my upper arms with plumpness;
and filled my upper arms with plumpness.
He gladdened and dignified me,
so I felt dignified and pleased with myself.
He found me among people of modest sheep on a rugged hill,
and brought me to owners of neighing horses,
groaning camels, grain-threshers, and winnowers.
In his presence, I speak
and am never reviled;
I would sleep late into the morning,
and drink until my thirst was thoroughly quenched.
And the mother of Abu Zar'—
what a woman she was!
Her storage bags were always overflowing,
and her house was spacious.
The son of Abu Zar'—
what a fine youth he was!
His sleeping place was like an unsheathed, slender sword,
as lean as a stripped palm stalk,
and the leg of a young goat fully satisfied his appetite.
The daughter of Abu Zar'—
what an exceptional daughter she was!
Devotedly obedient to her father,
obedient to her mother,
filling her garment gracefully with her plump form,
and the envy of her rival.
The maidservant of Abu Zar'—
what a loyal servant she was!
She never divulged our private conversations
to anyone,
nor did she squander our provisions
or leave them wasted,
nor did she leave our home
in clutter and disarray—
cluttered with rubbish.
She continued:
Once, Abu Zar' went out
while the milk-skins were being churned,
and he came across a woman who had with her
two boys agile as young leopards,
playfully sporting under her waist
with two pomegranates.
So he divorced me and married her.
After him, I married
a noble and wealthy man.
He rode a spirited, swift steed,
held a fine spear in his hand,
and brought home for me an abundance of livestock.
He was a master rider,
and he bestowed upon me a pair of every kind of cattle
that returned at evening,
saying:
'Eat generously, Umm Zar',
and provide for your own family.'
Yet, even if I gathered everything
he had ever given me,
it would not fill the smallest vessel
belonging to Abu Zar'."
'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
The Messenger of Allah
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) then said to me:
"I am to you just as Abu Zar' was to Umm Zar'."
It was narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim.
Al-Tabarani added
in another narration of his:
"O 'A'ishah,
I am to you as Abu Zar' was
to Umm Zar',
except that Abu Zar'
divorced his wife, and I will never divorce you."
It was authenticated
by al-Albani in Sahih al-Jami'.
We will continue in our next
gathering, if Allah wills.
And all praise is due to Allah,
Lord of all the worlds.