In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Categories of men.
Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
A woman loves to converse with her husband.
This lengthy hadith.
The hadith of Umm Zar‘.
Narrated by the Mother of the Believers, ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
To the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
And he was listening to her.
Abu al-‘Abbas al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
The correct view regarding this hadith
is that it is entirely the speech of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
except for the Prophet’s words to her:
"I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘."
This is the consensus among the scholars of hadith authentication.
The Prophet’s listening to ‘A’ishah
while she narrated this long hadith
is part of his excellent treatment of his wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
This incident is not the only one
that demonstrates his excellent character, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
and his attentive listening to his wives.
Rather, the Sunnah is replete with examples of this.
Among them is his story with Safiyyah, in his listening to her
while he was in i‘tikaf (seclusion) in the mosque.
From Safiyyah, the wife of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
that she came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
to visit him during his i‘tikaf in the mosque
in the last ten days of Ramadan.
She spoke with him for a while,
then she stood up to leave.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, stood up with her to escort her.
When she reached the door of the mosque,
near the door of Umm Salamah,
two men from the Ansar passed by.
They greeted the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to them:
"Slow down."
"She is only Safiyyah bint Huyayy."
They said, "Subhan Allah, O Messenger of Allah!"
And it weighed heavily upon them.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
"Indeed, Satan flows through the human being like blood."
"And I feared that he might cast something into your hearts."
Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim.
Ibn Khuzaymah, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"As for the report of Safiyyah, it is established and authentic."
And in these [hadiths] is evidence that a wife conversing with her husband
during his i‘tikaf at night is permissible.
This is the very essence of intimate conversation (samar).
This incident occurred in the last ten days of Ramadan,
while he was in i‘tikaf for his Lord in the mosque.
Yet, his i‘tikaf did not prevent him from sitting with his wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
listening to them,
and conversing with them every night of his i‘tikaf.
And when the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, asked to speak with him alone,
he did not refuse her.
Rather, he listened to her for a full hour while she spoke,
and he did not grow weary of her,
nor did he make excuses to her that this was a month of worship,
or that he was in i‘tikaf and needed to devote himself to worship.
He did not wound her with a word that would make her suppress her feelings and live in pain,
as some say:
"Be brief, do not waste my time for worship,"
or saying, "Leave this topic for after Ramadan."
Never.
He, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, used to listen to his wives with full attention.
Even if we prolong the conversation,
as in the hadith of Umm Zar‘ and the story of the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her.
A woman’s comfort in speaking to her husband is endless.
The conversation of the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, continued
even after she had risen from her seat and intended to leave.
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, continued to converse with her and listen to her
while he was standing on his feet at the door of the mosque.
He did not grow weary, and in that was a soothing of her heart.
It is in a woman’s nature to love talking with her husband.
The happy man is he who invests this love in bringing happiness to himself and his wife.
A woman’s conversation with her husband is of various types:
some relate to the children’s problems,
some relate to household matters,
and some relate to the conditions of the women around her and their relationships with their husbands.
The hadith of Umm Zar‘ is of the latter type.
When a woman speaks with her husband,
she wants him to listen to her,
and to interact with her by looking into her eyes and at her face while she speaks.
This desire is ruined if the husband is preoccupied with playing on his phone,
or focusing his gaze on television channels, flipping through them.
When a woman presents a problem
or recounts a long story,
a short comment from the husband on what was raised is enough for her,
which makes her happy and makes her feel his interest in what she has brought up.
Just as the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did
when he said to her after she finished:
"I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘."
A woman must also choose the right time well
when she desires to speak with her husband,
just as she should choose the appropriate topic for the time she has selected.
It is not appropriate to greet the husband when he is coming from work,
or from a journey, or when he is sitting down to eat,
or before he sleeps, by mentioning the children’s problems or household demands.
These are times that do not suit the man.
A man must also guide his wife well toward a more suitable time
if she errs in choosing the appropriate time.
Just as a man must set aside time to listen to his family,
and not grow weary of that.
For he who is better than him listened to them:
The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
These are examples of the scholars’ statements
commenting on the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"In it is the knowledge of good companionship with one’s family,
and the recommendation of conversing with them about matters that contain no sin."
And Qadi ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"Good companionship of a man with his family,
keeping them company, and the recommendation of conversing with them about matters that contain no sin,
as the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did here
by his conversation with ‘A’ishah and those of his wives who were with her
regarding the news of these women."
And this is how al-Bukhari titled a chapter:
"Chapter: Good Companionship with the Family."
Authentic reports have been narrated
regarding his good companionship with his family, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
and his pleasantness with them.
Likewise, from the righteous salaf.
Malik, may Allah have mercy on him, used to say:
"In that is the pleasure of your Lord,
love from your family,
an increase in your wealth,
and a delay in your appointed time."
He said:
"This has reached me from some of the Companions of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him."
Malik, may Allah have mercy on him, was
among the people with the best character toward his family and children.
He used to say:
"A person must endear himself to the people of his household
until he is the most beloved of people to them."
How beautiful is the humility of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him,
when Thumamah ibn Hazn disapproved of him
listening to a woman,
even though she had spoken harshly to him.
[He responded] by [mentioning] Allah listening to a woman
who complained to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
So how could he not listen to her?
Thumamah ibn Hazn said:
While ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab was riding a donkey,
a woman met him.
She said:
"Stop, O ‘Umar!"
So he stopped.
A man said:
"O Commander of the Believers,
I have never seen a woman be so stern with a man today,
nor a man listen to a woman [like this]."
He said:
"Woe to you!
What prevents me from listening to her?
She is the one whom Allah listened to,
and revealed regarding her what He revealed."
“Allah hath heard the saying of her that disputeth with thee (Muhammad) concerning her husband, and complaineth unto Allah. And Allah heareth your colloquy. Lo! Allah is Hearer, Knower.” (58:1)
"So how worthy am I to listen to the one whom Allah listened to?"
This is the conduct of the men we take as our example.
So, are you, O noble man,
among those who listen to your wife and pay attention to her when she speaks?
We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.