WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:08.269 Categories of men. 00:00:08.269 --> 00:00:12.589 Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:00:12.589 --> 00:00:20.949 A woman loves to converse with her husband. 00:00:20.949 --> 00:00:25.129 This lengthy hadith. 00:00:25.129 --> 00:00:27.129 The hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:00:27.129 --> 00:00:30.129 Narrated by the Mother of the Believers, ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. 00:00:30.129 --> 00:00:34.130 To the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:00:34.130 --> 00:00:36.130 And he was listening to her. 00:00:36.130 --> 00:00:39.189 Abu al-‘Abbas al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:00:39.189 --> 00:00:41.189 The correct view regarding this hadith 00:00:41.189 --> 00:00:45.189 is that it is entirely the speech of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, 00:00:45.189 --> 00:00:49.189 except for the Prophet’s words to her: 00:00:49.189 --> 00:00:53.189 "I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘." 00:00:53.189 --> 00:00:57.189 This is the consensus among the scholars of hadith authentication. 00:00:57.189 --> 00:01:02.890 The Prophet’s listening to ‘A’ishah 00:01:02.890 --> 00:01:05.890 while she narrated this long hadith 00:01:05.890 --> 00:01:10.890 is part of his excellent treatment of his wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:01:10.890 --> 00:01:14.890 This incident is not the only one 00:01:14.890 --> 00:01:18.890 that demonstrates his excellent character, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:01:18.890 --> 00:01:21.890 and his attentive listening to his wives. 00:01:21.890 --> 00:01:25.890 Rather, the Sunnah is replete with examples of this. 00:01:25.890 --> 00:01:29.950 Among them is his story with Safiyyah, in his listening to her 00:01:29.950 --> 00:01:32.950 while he was in i‘tikaf (seclusion) in the mosque. 00:01:32.950 --> 00:01:37.239 From Safiyyah, the wife of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:01:37.239 --> 00:01:41.239 that she came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:01:41.239 --> 00:01:44.239 to visit him during his i‘tikaf in the mosque 00:01:44.239 --> 00:01:47.239 in the last ten days of Ramadan. 00:01:47.239 --> 00:01:50.239 She spoke with him for a while, 00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:52.239 then she stood up to leave. 00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:56.239 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, stood up with her to escort her. 00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:59.239 When she reached the door of the mosque, 00:01:59.239 --> 00:02:01.239 near the door of Umm Salamah, 00:02:01.239 --> 00:02:04.239 two men from the Ansar passed by. 00:02:04.239 --> 00:02:08.240 They greeted the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:02:08.240 --> 00:02:12.240 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to them: 00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:14.240 "Slow down." 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:17.240 "She is only Safiyyah bint Huyayy." 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:21.240 They said, "Subhan Allah, O Messenger of Allah!" 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:23.240 And it weighed heavily upon them. 00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:27.240 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: 00:02:27.240 --> 00:02:31.240 "Indeed, Satan flows through the human being like blood." 00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:36.240 "And I feared that he might cast something into your hearts." 00:02:36.240 --> 00:02:39.500 Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim. 00:02:39.500 --> 00:02:42.500 Ibn Khuzaymah, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:02:42.500 --> 00:02:45.500 "As for the report of Safiyyah, it is established and authentic." 00:02:45.500 --> 00:02:49.500 And in these [hadiths] is evidence that a wife conversing with her husband 00:02:49.500 --> 00:02:52.500 during his i‘tikaf at night is permissible. 00:02:52.500 --> 00:02:56.620 This is the very essence of intimate conversation (samar). 00:02:56.620 --> 00:03:00.620 This incident occurred in the last ten days of Ramadan, 00:03:00.620 --> 00:03:03.620 while he was in i‘tikaf for his Lord in the mosque. 00:03:03.620 --> 00:03:10.620 Yet, his i‘tikaf did not prevent him from sitting with his wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:03:10.620 --> 00:03:12.620 listening to them, 00:03:12.620 --> 00:03:16.620 and conversing with them every night of his i‘tikaf. 00:03:16.620 --> 00:03:21.780 And when the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, asked to speak with him alone, 00:03:21.780 --> 00:03:23.780 he did not refuse her. 00:03:23.780 --> 00:03:27.780 Rather, he listened to her for a full hour while she spoke, 00:03:27.780 --> 00:03:30.780 and he did not grow weary of her, 00:03:30.780 --> 00:03:34.780 nor did he make excuses to her that this was a month of worship, 00:03:34.780 --> 00:03:38.780 or that he was in i‘tikaf and needed to devote himself to worship. 00:03:38.780 --> 00:03:45.780 He did not wound her with a word that would make her suppress her feelings and live in pain, 00:03:45.780 --> 00:03:47.780 as some say: 00:03:47.780 --> 00:03:51.780 "Be brief, do not waste my time for worship," 00:03:51.780 --> 00:03:56.780 or saying, "Leave this topic for after Ramadan." 00:03:56.780 --> 00:03:57.780 Never. 00:03:57.780 --> 00:04:03.780 He, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, used to listen to his wives with full attention. 00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:05.780 Even if we prolong the conversation, 00:04:05.780 --> 00:04:11.780 as in the hadith of Umm Zar‘ and the story of the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her. 00:04:11.780 --> 00:04:17.189 A woman’s comfort in speaking to her husband is endless. 00:04:17.189 --> 00:04:21.189 The conversation of the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, continued 00:04:21.189 --> 00:04:25.189 even after she had risen from her seat and intended to leave. 00:04:25.189 --> 00:04:31.189 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, continued to converse with her and listen to her 00:04:31.189 --> 00:04:35.189 while he was standing on his feet at the door of the mosque. 00:04:35.189 --> 00:04:40.189 He did not grow weary, and in that was a soothing of her heart. 00:04:40.189 --> 00:04:44.379 It is in a woman’s nature to love talking with her husband. 00:04:45.379 --> 00:04:51.379 The happy man is he who invests this love in bringing happiness to himself and his wife. 00:04:51.379 --> 00:04:55.540 A woman’s conversation with her husband is of various types: 00:04:55.540 --> 00:04:58.540 some relate to the children’s problems, 00:04:58.540 --> 00:05:01.540 some relate to household matters, 00:05:01.540 --> 00:05:07.540 and some relate to the conditions of the women around her and their relationships with their husbands. 00:05:07.540 --> 00:05:11.670 The hadith of Umm Zar‘ is of the latter type. 00:05:11.670 --> 00:05:14.670 When a woman speaks with her husband, 00:05:14.670 --> 00:05:17.670 she wants him to listen to her, 00:05:17.670 --> 00:05:23.670 and to interact with her by looking into her eyes and at her face while she speaks. 00:05:23.670 --> 00:05:28.829 This desire is ruined if the husband is preoccupied with playing on his phone, 00:05:28.829 --> 00:05:33.060 or focusing his gaze on television channels, flipping through them. 00:05:33.060 --> 00:05:36.060 When a woman presents a problem 00:05:36.060 --> 00:05:38.060 or recounts a long story, 00:05:38.060 --> 00:05:42.060 a short comment from the husband on what was raised is enough for her, 00:05:42.060 --> 00:05:46.060 which makes her happy and makes her feel his interest in what she has brought up. 00:05:46.060 --> 00:05:49.060 Just as the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did 00:05:49.060 --> 00:05:52.060 when he said to her after she finished: 00:05:52.060 --> 00:05:56.060 "I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘." 00:05:56.060 --> 00:05:59.310 A woman must also choose the right time well 00:05:59.310 --> 00:06:02.310 when she desires to speak with her husband, 00:06:02.310 --> 00:06:07.310 just as she should choose the appropriate topic for the time she has selected. 00:06:07.310 --> 00:06:11.310 It is not appropriate to greet the husband when he is coming from work, 00:06:11.310 --> 00:06:15.310 or from a journey, or when he is sitting down to eat, 00:06:15.310 --> 00:06:20.310 or before he sleeps, by mentioning the children’s problems or household demands. 00:06:20.310 --> 00:06:24.410 These are times that do not suit the man. 00:06:24.410 --> 00:06:28.410 A man must also guide his wife well toward a more suitable time 00:06:28.410 --> 00:06:32.410 if she errs in choosing the appropriate time. 00:06:32.410 --> 00:06:37.540 Just as a man must set aside time to listen to his family, 00:06:37.540 --> 00:06:40.540 and not grow weary of that. 00:06:40.540 --> 00:06:43.540 For he who is better than him listened to them: 00:06:43.540 --> 00:06:46.629 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:06:46.629 --> 00:06:49.629 These are examples of the scholars’ statements 00:06:49.629 --> 00:06:52.629 commenting on the hadith of Umm Zar‘. 00:06:52.629 --> 00:06:55.790 Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:06:55.790 --> 00:06:58.790 "In it is the knowledge of good companionship with one’s family, 00:06:58.790 --> 00:07:02.790 and the recommendation of conversing with them about matters that contain no sin." 00:07:02.790 --> 00:07:05.860 And Qadi ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said: 00:07:05.860 --> 00:07:08.860 "Good companionship of a man with his family, 00:07:08.860 --> 00:07:13.860 keeping them company, and the recommendation of conversing with them about matters that contain no sin, 00:07:13.860 --> 00:07:17.860 as the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did here 00:07:17.860 --> 00:07:21.860 by his conversation with ‘A’ishah and those of his wives who were with her 00:07:21.860 --> 00:07:24.860 regarding the news of these women." 00:07:24.860 --> 00:07:27.920 And this is how al-Bukhari titled a chapter: 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:30.920 "Chapter: Good Companionship with the Family." 00:07:30.920 --> 00:07:33.920 Authentic reports have been narrated 00:07:33.920 --> 00:07:37.920 regarding his good companionship with his family, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, 00:07:37.920 --> 00:07:39.920 and his pleasantness with them. 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:42.920 Likewise, from the righteous salaf. 00:07:42.920 --> 00:07:46.110 Malik, may Allah have mercy on him, used to say: 00:07:46.110 --> 00:07:49.110 "In that is the pleasure of your Lord, 00:07:49.110 --> 00:07:51.110 love from your family, 00:07:51.110 --> 00:07:53.110 an increase in your wealth, 00:07:53.110 --> 00:07:56.110 and a delay in your appointed time." 00:07:56.110 --> 00:07:58.110 He said: 00:07:58.110 --> 00:08:03.110 "This has reached me from some of the Companions of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him." 00:08:03.110 --> 00:08:06.209 Malik, may Allah have mercy on him, was 00:08:06.209 --> 00:08:10.209 among the people with the best character toward his family and children. 00:08:10.209 --> 00:08:12.209 He used to say: 00:08:12.209 --> 00:08:16.209 "A person must endear himself to the people of his household 00:08:16.209 --> 00:08:21.870 until he is the most beloved of people to them." 00:08:21.870 --> 00:08:25.870 How beautiful is the humility of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, 00:08:25.870 --> 00:08:28.870 when Thumamah ibn Hazn disapproved of him 00:08:28.870 --> 00:08:30.870 listening to a woman, 00:08:30.870 --> 00:08:33.870 even though she had spoken harshly to him. 00:08:33.870 --> 00:08:35.870 [He responded] by [mentioning] Allah listening to a woman 00:08:35.870 --> 00:08:38.870 who complained to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him. 00:08:38.870 --> 00:08:42.059 So how could he not listen to her? 00:08:42.059 --> 00:08:44.059 Thumamah ibn Hazn said: 00:08:44.059 --> 00:08:48.059 While ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab was riding a donkey, 00:08:48.059 --> 00:08:50.059 a woman met him. 00:08:50.059 --> 00:08:51.059 She said: 00:08:51.059 --> 00:08:52.059 "Stop, O ‘Umar!" 00:08:52.059 --> 00:08:54.059 So he stopped. 00:08:55.059 --> 00:08:57.059 A man said: 00:08:57.059 --> 00:08:59.059 "O Commander of the Believers, 00:08:59.059 --> 00:09:03.059 I have never seen a woman be so stern with a man today, 00:09:03.059 --> 00:09:06.059 nor a man listen to a woman [like this]." 00:09:06.059 --> 00:09:07.059 He said: 00:09:07.059 --> 00:09:08.059 "Woe to you! 00:09:08.059 --> 00:09:11.059 What prevents me from listening to her? 00:09:11.059 --> 00:09:13.059 She is the one whom Allah listened to, 00:09:13.059 --> 00:09:16.059 and revealed regarding her what He revealed." 00:09:16.059 --> 00:09:21.100 “Allah hath heard the saying of her that disputeth with thee (Muhammad) concerning her husband, and complaineth unto Allah. And Allah heareth your colloquy. Lo! Allah is Hearer, Knower.” (58:1) 00:09:21.100 --> 00:09:26.100 "So how worthy am I to listen to the one whom Allah listened to?" 00:09:26.100 --> 00:09:31.539 This is the conduct of the men we take as our example. 00:09:31.539 --> 00:09:34.629 So, are you, O noble man, 00:09:34.629 --> 00:09:39.629 among those who listen to your wife and pay attention to her when she speaks? 00:09:39.629 --> 00:09:45.230 We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills. 00:09:45.230 --> 00:09:48.230 And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.