In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
The various types of men as described in the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
"I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘."
After ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, finished recounting the story of the women,
who had gathered to speak to one another about their husbands,
and the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was listening to her attentively,
he commented on her lengthy narration with a few brief words,
expressing the beauty of his companionship and his treatment of her.
He said, "I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘."
In another narration: "O ‘A’ishah, I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘,
except that Abu Zar‘ divorced, whereas I do not divorce."
Qadi ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"The statement of the Prophet, peace be upon him, to ‘A’ishah,
'I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘,'
was to comfort her and to emphasize the excellence of his companionship,
because of what Umm Zar‘ had mentioned regarding the goodness of his company,
and her gratitude for his overall conduct toward her.
He then made an exception regarding the one unpleasant aspect of him,
by saying that he had divorced her,
whereas I do not divorce you,"
as a way to complete her comfort,
to perfect the tranquility of her heart,
and to remove any misconception that the comparison applied to all of Abu Zar‘’s circumstances,
since there was nothing blameworthy in his conduct other than his divorcing her.
Indeed, the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, was
the model to be emulated in how to treat one’s wife.
It is impossible to know the details of this model
except by reading his Prophetic biography (Seerah) with his wives.
These few pages are too brief to contain this fragrant biography,
but I will provide some examples of his beautiful life with ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
He, peace be upon him, used to play with her
while they were performing ghusl (ritual bathing) from janabah (major ritual impurity).
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"I would perform ghusl with the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, from a single vessel;
he would race me, and I would race him,
until he would say, 'Leave some for me,'
and I would say, 'Leave some for me.'"
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, used to kiss her while he was fasting.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would kiss and embrace while fasting,
for he was the most capable of you in controlling his desires."
Narrated by Muslim.
He, peace be upon him, would kiss her while leaving for prayer.
On the authority of ‘Urwah from ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her:
The Prophet, peace be upon him, kissed one of his wives,
then went out to prayer without performing wudu’.
‘Urwah said, "Who could it be but you?"
She laughed.
Narrated by Abu Dawud.
He, peace be upon him, would eat from the same spot she had eaten from,
and drink from the same spot she had drunk from.
On the authority of Shurayh from ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her:
I asked her, "Does a woman eat with her husband while she is menstruating?"
She replied, "Yes.
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, would call me to eat with him while I was menstruating.
He would take a piece of meat and ask me to bite from it,
so I would take a bite and put it down,
then he would take it and bite from it,
placing his mouth exactly where I had placed mine on the meat.
He would call for a drink and ask me to drink from it before he did,
so I would take it and drink, then put it down,
and he would take it and drink from it,
placing his mouth exactly where I had placed mine on the cup."
Narrated by Muslim.
He, peace be upon him, would hold her hand while walking among the people.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"I wanted to enter the House (the Ka‘bah) to pray inside it,
so the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, took my hand,
brought me into the Hijr,
and said, 'Pray in the Hijr if you wish to enter the House,
for it is a part of the House,
but your people excluded it when they rebuilt the Ka‘bah,
and left it outside the House.'"
Narrated by Abu Dawud.
He, peace be upon him, would help her with household chores.
Al-Aswad said:
I asked ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
"What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, do in his house?"
She said:
"He would be in the service of his family,"
meaning, helping his family.
"And when the time for prayer arrived,
he would go out to prayer."
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, would be mindful of her feelings and psychological state.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"We set out, intending nothing but Hajj.
When we reached Sarif, I began to menstruate.
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, entered upon me while I was weeping.
He said,
'What is the matter? Have you begun to menstruate?'
I said, 'Yes.'
He said,
'This is something Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam.
Perform all the rites that the pilgrim performs,
except that you do not circumambulate the House.'"
She added:
"And the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, sacrificed cows on behalf of his wives."
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, would pamper her.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, was sitting
when we heard a commotion and the sound of children.
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, stood up,
and there was an Abyssinian woman dancing, with the children around her.
He said,
"O ‘A’ishah, come and look."
I came,
and rested my chin on the shoulder of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
and began watching her from between his shoulder and his head.
He said to me,
"Have you had enough? Have you had enough?"
She said:
"I kept saying, 'No,'
just to see how much I meant to him."
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
And ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
I said, "O Messenger of Allah,
tell me, if you descended into a valley where there was a tree that had been grazed upon,
and you found a tree that had not been grazed upon,
which one would you let your camel graze from?"
He said,
"The one that had not been grazed upon."
She meant that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, had not married any virgin other than her.
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
His, peace be upon him, knowledge of her varying moods.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said to me,
"I certainly know when you are pleased with me,
and when you are angry with me."
She said:
I asked,
"How do you know that?"
He said,
"When you are pleased with me,
you say, 'No, by the Lord of Muhammad.'
But when you are angry with me,
you say, 'No, by the Lord of Ibrahim.'"
She said:
I said,
"Indeed, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah,
I only avoid mentioning your name."
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, would converse with her during the last part of the night.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said
that the Prophet, peace be upon him, would pray,
and if I were awake, he would talk to me,
otherwise, he would lie down until the call to prayer.
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, would be intimate with her while she was menstruating.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
I would perform ghusl with the Prophet, peace be upon him,
from a single vessel,
both of us being in a state of major ritual impurity.
He would command me to wear an izar (waist wrapper),
then he would be intimate with me while I was menstruating.
He would lean his head toward me while he was in i‘tikaf (seclusion in the mosque),
and I would wash it while I was menstruating.
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, would recline in her lap and recite the Qur'an.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
The Prophet, peace be upon him, would recline in my lap while I was menstruating,
and then he would recite the Qur'an.
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, was mindful of her need for recreation and permissible play.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
I used to play with dolls in the presence of the Prophet, peace be upon him,
and I had friends who would play with me.
When the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, would enter, they would hide from him,
so he would send them to me, and they would play with me.
Narrated by al-Bukhari.
He, peace be upon him, would race with her and play with her.
‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
was with the Prophet, peace be upon him, on a journey.
She said:
"I raced him, and I beat him on foot.
Later, when I had gained some weight,
I raced him again, and he beat me."
He said,
"This is for that race."
Narrated by Abu Dawud.
These are examples from the life of the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, with ‘A’ishah.
So, how are you, noble man, with your wife?
We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.
And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.