In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
Categories of Men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'.
Umm Zar' and the Beauty of the Family Environment.
Among the blessings of happiness a woman can attain in her marital life
is to be granted a close-knit, wise, and sensible family,
encompassed by love, tolerance, and noble character,
completely free from troubles—
whether from the husband, his relatives,
the children, or the servants.
Umm Zar' was truly blessed with all of this,
and she recounted the details herself, saying:
"The mother of Abu Zar'—and what can describe the mother of Abu Zar'!
Her storage bags were full, and her house was spacious.
The son of Abu Zar'—and what can describe the son of Abu Zar'!
His sleeping place was like a drawn palm branch,
and the arm of a four-month-old kid would satisfy his hunger.
The daughter of Abu Zar'—and what can describe the daughter of Abu Zar'!
She was obedient to her father, obedient to her mother,
filled out her clothes gracefully, and was the envy of her female neighbor.
The maidservant of Abu Zar'—and what can describe the maidservant of Abu Zar'!
She never divulged our secrets abroad,
nor embezzled our provisions wastefully,
nor left our home untidy with scattered refuse."
This was the household that surrounded Umm Zar'.
However, these eloquent, classical Arabic words
with which Umm Zar' described the members of this household
require explanation,
so that the beauty of that environment becomes clear to us,
along with the immense bliss in which Umm Zar' lived,
leading us to wonder:
How did she eventually lose this bliss?
And did she cause its loss through her own misbehavior?
Before answering this question,
we will highlight the beauty of the family environment in which Umm Zar' lived.
First: The mother of Abu Zar'.
Umm Zar' said of her:
"Her storage bags were full, and her house was spacious."
She praised her mother-in-law in two respects:
First, she praised her person,
saying that "her storage bags were full" (*'ukūmuhā radāḥ*).
The word *'ukūm* carries two meanings.
The first meaning
refers to large sacks or trunks
in which provisions and goods are kept;
she described them as heavy and brimming with possessions.
Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"*Al-'ukūm*
are the packed hampers and sacks containing vessels
filled with various kinds of food and goods,
the singular being *'ikm*."
As for her description *radāḥ*,
he explains:
"They are large, bulky, and heavily packed."
The second meaning
refers to a woman's hips and buttocks,
also termed *kafal*.
According to this, the meaning is
that she possessed full, ample buttocks,
and due to their fullness,
they folded with layers of fat.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"It is possible that the expression *'ukūm* and its plumpness (*radāḥah*) was an allusion
to her hips and their fullness,
just as one says
'a *radāḥ* maiden,'
meaning one with ample hips.
She used the plural *'ukūm* (sacks) for the hip due to its immense size,
as though each side of it were an entire sack."
Both meanings
demonstrate that the mother of Abu Zar'
lived the lavish life of the wealthy and prosperous,
to the point of possessing abundant storage chests for her belongings
due to their great quantity and diversity;
likewise, she enjoyed ample food
which left its distinct marks upon her body,
seen in plumpness, luxury, and vibrant physical health.
Second, she praised her house,
describing it as expansive in its bounties and courtyard.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"She used the spaciousness of the house and the breadth of the courtyard as an allusion
to its abundant bounty,
its comfortable living,
and generosity toward whoever visited it;
just as people use 'welcome' (*marḥaban*, from *raḥb*, spaciousness) to express the same,
saying: 'Welcome!'
They also say:
'So-and-so has a spacious home,'
by which they do not mean its physical dimensions,
but rather his abundant goodness and generous hospitality."
But why did she praise her mother-in-law?
Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"By describing her husband's mother, she indicated
that her husband was exceptionally dutiful to his mother,
and that he was not advanced in age,
for that is typically the case
with someone whose mother is described in such youthful terms."
Thus, this was a praise of her husband
as well as of his mother.
Furthermore, if her mother-in-law was relatively young
and yet no conflict arose between her and Umm Zar'
regarding the usual jealousy found among women,
this was a true blessing enjoyed by Umm Zar'—
to be free of rivalry
over the heart of this noble young man, Abu Zar'.
Second:
The son of Abu Zar'.
Umm Zar' said of him:
"His sleeping place was like a drawn palm branch,
and the arm of a four-month-old kid would satisfy his hunger."
She praised him for his slender build,
requiring only a narrow space to lie in,
like a single reed drawn from a woven mat,
and being satisfied with very little food.
He was not a glutton
who burdened her with demands for food,
its quantity, or its variety.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"She alluded to this by noting that the place where he slept was so narrow
that it was like the strip left by a single reed
when drawn out from a woven palm mat,
leaving an empty slot among its counterparts;
and this slender build was an attribute praised among Arab men."
Ibn Hajar, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"Similarly, her statement:
'and the arm of a kid would satisfy his hunger,'
indicates that he did not consume what she possessed,
let alone demand it;
rather, if he ate at her home,
he would be content with very little,
just enough of food and drink to sustain himself."
This too was among the blessings she enjoyed with the son of Abu Zar'.
Third:
The daughter of Abu Zar'.
Umm Zar' said of her:
"She was obedient to her father, obedient to her mother,
filled out her clothes gracefully, and was the envy of her female neighbor."
She praised her for three qualities:
First,
her obedience to her parents.
This is among the greatest sources of happiness for a woman:
to have her daughter be obedient to her,
because a daughter often
competes with her mother for the father's affection,
and troubles frequently arise
between a daughter and her mother
due to stubbornness and mutual jealousy.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"That is, she was dutiful to them both,
never opposing their judgment,
which demonstrates her modesty and sound intellect."
Second,
she praised the beauty of her body.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"She described her as being of full figure
and well-fleshed,
expressing that by saying she filled out her garment;
for a garment is only filled out by a well-proportioned, statuesque body,
a complete figure,
ample flesh,
and a delicate, well-nourished frame;
and this is among the qualities for which women were praised,
while dispraised for their opposite."
Third,
her peers envied her
because of the beauty and excellent manners she possessed.
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"She further reinforced her praise of her
by indicating that she was the finest of her fellow women—
meaning the women of her era or her tribe—
and that due to her consummate beauty
and the harmony between her outward perfection and her noble character,
she was 'the grief of her neighbor,'
meaning her co-wife or her neighbor;
whatever she saw of her qualities distressed her, stirred her jealousy,
and left her bewildered."
If we look closely at Umm Zar's praise of her family,
we find that she focused heavily on physical, aesthetic appearances.
And this is not surprising,
for the women of the Pre-Islamic Period of Ignorance (Jahiliyyah)
directed their utmost concern toward physical appearance.
As for a woman's intellect and heart,
that concern belongs to those who adhere to the teachings of Islam;
otherwise, even Muslim women today
have become preoccupied with sculpting the body according to modern European, ignorant standards.
I ask Allah to grant them guidance and success.
Fourth:
The maidservant of Abu Zar'.
She praised her with three lovely traits
that every woman desires in her domestic helper,
saying:
"She never divulged our secrets abroad,
nor embezzled our provisions wastefully,
nor left our home untidy with scattered refuse."
Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
"She described her as trustworthy regarding secrets and property,
dedicated to serving their interests with sincere goodwill:
she never disclosed their private talk,
nor squandered their food or acted deceitfully with it,
nor did she carry it outside to others;
she neither spoiled nor squandered it;
nor did she sow resentment among them;
nor did she neglect their service or the upkeep of their home.
This was a maidservant who would earn the highest possible rating in managing a household.
This was merely part of the bliss in which Umm Zar' lived,
and which every woman longs for in her life.
How, then, did she come to lose this bliss?
And was the real reason truly as she recounted at the end of her hadith:
that he simply went out, saw another woman, and divorced her?
Or were there other underlying reasons she concealed,
which were the true causes of the divorce?
We shall continue in our next gathering, if Allah wills.
And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.