Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 2 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (2) | A woman loves talking to her husband
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Categories of men.
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Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
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A woman loves to converse with her husband.
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This lengthy hadith.
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The hadith of Umm Zar‘.
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Narrated by the Mother of the Believers, ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
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To the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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And he was listening to her.
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Abu al-‘Abbas al-Qurtubi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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The correct view regarding this hadith
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is that it is entirely the speech of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her,
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except for the Prophet’s words to her:
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"I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘."
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This is the consensus among the scholars of hadith authentication.
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The Prophet’s listening to ‘A’ishah
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while she narrated this long hadith
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is part of his excellent treatment of his wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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This incident is not the only one
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that demonstrates his excellent character, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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and his attentive listening to his wives.
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Rather, the Sunnah is replete with examples of this.
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Among them is his story with Safiyyah, in his listening to her
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while he was in i‘tikaf (seclusion) in the mosque.
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From Safiyyah, the wife of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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that she came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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to visit him during his i‘tikaf in the mosque
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in the last ten days of Ramadan.
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She spoke with him for a while,
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then she stood up to leave.
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, stood up with her to escort her.
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When she reached the door of the mosque,
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near the door of Umm Salamah,
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two men from the Ansar passed by.
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They greeted the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to them:
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"Slow down."
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"She is only Safiyyah bint Huyayy."
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They said, "Subhan Allah, O Messenger of Allah!"
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And it weighed heavily upon them.
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
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"Indeed, Satan flows through the human being like blood."
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"And I feared that he might cast something into your hearts."
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Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim.
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Ibn Khuzaymah, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"As for the report of Safiyyah, it is established and authentic."
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And in these [hadiths] is evidence that a wife conversing with her husband
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during his i‘tikaf at night is permissible.
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This is the very essence of intimate conversation (samar).
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This incident occurred in the last ten days of Ramadan,
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while he was in i‘tikaf for his Lord in the mosque.
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Yet, his i‘tikaf did not prevent him from sitting with his wives, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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listening to them,
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and conversing with them every night of his i‘tikaf.
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And when the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, asked to speak with him alone,
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he did not refuse her.
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Rather, he listened to her for a full hour while she spoke,
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and he did not grow weary of her,
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nor did he make excuses to her that this was a month of worship,
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or that he was in i‘tikaf and needed to devote himself to worship.
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He did not wound her with a word that would make her suppress her feelings and live in pain,
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as some say:
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"Be brief, do not waste my time for worship,"
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or saying, "Leave this topic for after Ramadan."
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Never.
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He, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, used to listen to his wives with full attention.
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Even if we prolong the conversation,
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as in the hadith of Umm Zar‘ and the story of the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her.
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A woman’s comfort in speaking to her husband is endless.
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The conversation of the Mother of the Believers, Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, continued
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even after she had risen from her seat and intended to leave.
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, continued to converse with her and listen to her
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while he was standing on his feet at the door of the mosque.
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He did not grow weary, and in that was a soothing of her heart.
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It is in a woman’s nature to love talking with her husband.
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The happy man is he who invests this love in bringing happiness to himself and his wife.
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A woman’s conversation with her husband is of various types:
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some relate to the children’s problems,
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some relate to household matters,
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and some relate to the conditions of the women around her and their relationships with their husbands.
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The hadith of Umm Zar‘ is of the latter type.
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When a woman speaks with her husband,
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she wants him to listen to her,
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and to interact with her by looking into her eyes and at her face while she speaks.
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This desire is ruined if the husband is preoccupied with playing on his phone,
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or focusing his gaze on television channels, flipping through them.
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When a woman presents a problem
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or recounts a long story,
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a short comment from the husband on what was raised is enough for her,
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which makes her happy and makes her feel his interest in what she has brought up.
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Just as the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did
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when he said to her after she finished:
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"I am to you as Abu Zar‘ was to Umm Zar‘."
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A woman must also choose the right time well
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when she desires to speak with her husband,
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just as she should choose the appropriate topic for the time she has selected.
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It is not appropriate to greet the husband when he is coming from work,
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or from a journey, or when he is sitting down to eat,
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or before he sleeps, by mentioning the children’s problems or household demands.
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These are times that do not suit the man.
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A man must also guide his wife well toward a more suitable time
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if she errs in choosing the appropriate time.
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Just as a man must set aside time to listen to his family,
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and not grow weary of that.
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For he who is better than him listened to them:
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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These are examples of the scholars’ statements
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commenting on the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
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Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"In it is the knowledge of good companionship with one’s family,
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and the recommendation of conversing with them about matters that contain no sin."
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And Qadi ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"Good companionship of a man with his family,
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keeping them company, and the recommendation of conversing with them about matters that contain no sin,
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as the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, did here
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by his conversation with ‘A’ishah and those of his wives who were with her
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regarding the news of these women."
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And this is how al-Bukhari titled a chapter:
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"Chapter: Good Companionship with the Family."
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Authentic reports have been narrated
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regarding his good companionship with his family, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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and his pleasantness with them.
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Likewise, from the righteous salaf.
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Malik, may Allah have mercy on him, used to say:
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"In that is the pleasure of your Lord,
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love from your family,
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an increase in your wealth,
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and a delay in your appointed time."
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He said:
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"This has reached me from some of the Companions of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him."
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Malik, may Allah have mercy on him, was
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among the people with the best character toward his family and children.
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He used to say:
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"A person must endear himself to the people of his household
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until he is the most beloved of people to them."
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How beautiful is the humility of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him,
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when Thumamah ibn Hazn disapproved of him
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listening to a woman,
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even though she had spoken harshly to him.
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[He responded] by [mentioning] Allah listening to a woman
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who complained to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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So how could he not listen to her?
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Thumamah ibn Hazn said:
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While ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab was riding a donkey,
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a woman met him.
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She said:
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"Stop, O ‘Umar!"
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So he stopped.
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A man said:
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"O Commander of the Believers,
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I have never seen a woman be so stern with a man today,
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nor a man listen to a woman [like this]."
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He said:
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"Woe to you!
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What prevents me from listening to her?
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She is the one whom Allah listened to,
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and revealed regarding her what He revealed."
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“Allah hath heard the saying of her that disputeth with thee (Muhammad) concerning her husband, and complaineth unto Allah. And Allah heareth your colloquy. Lo! Allah is Hearer, Knower.” (58:1)
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"So how worthy am I to listen to the one whom Allah listened to?"
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This is the conduct of the men we take as our example.
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So, are you, O noble man,
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among those who listen to your wife and pay attention to her when she speaks?
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We shall continue in a future meeting, if Allah wills.
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And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.