Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 12 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (12) | Take it easy, so-and-so, don't break the bottles
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
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The categories of husbands in the hadith of Umm Zar'.
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"Gently, O so-and-so, do not break the glassware!"
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The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) likened women to glass vessels.
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And the nature of glass is that it shatters easily.
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Thus, he commanded men to show consideration and gentleness.
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It is narrated in the hadith of Anas Ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said:
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The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) had a camel-driver named Anjashah,
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and he had a beautiful voice.
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So the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to him:
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"Gently, O Anjashah, do not break the glassware!"
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Qatadah said:
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"He meant the delicate women."
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Narrated by al-Bukhari.
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Ibn Battal (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"Because when the camels are stirred by the chanting
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and hasten their pace because of it,
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it is feared that the women might fall,
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and thus suffer the same breaking that happens to glass vessels.
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Indeed, the mere rapid movement of the camels and the excessive swaying while they are atop them
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exhausts them and harms their bodies, even without falling."
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Abu al-Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"He meant by it the delicate women,
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and he likened them to glass vessels
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due to how quickly they are affected
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and their lack of physical endurance.
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He feared that driving the pace and speeding up would cause some of them to fall,
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or cause them pain from the excessive motion and jostling
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that results from speed and haste."
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There is another meaning pointed out by al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him),
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as he said:
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"He likened them to glass due to the fragility of their resolves,
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and glass breaks easily;
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and Anjashah was chanting for their camels,
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singing poetry and rhymed verses containing love-themes,
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so he could not be sure it would not entice them
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or that his chanting would touch their hearts,
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hence he ordered him to refrain from that."
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A woman is tender-hearted like a glass vessel;
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a bitter word breaks her.
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If a woman cannot bear a hurtful word due to the tenderness of her heart,
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how then could she bear someone who strikes her body and her face,
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twists her arm,
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and acts as though he were in a wrestling ring?
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Whoever wishes to emulate the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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in his treatment of his wife,
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let him reflect upon this hadith:
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On the authority of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), who said:
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"The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) never struck
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anything with his hand—
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neither a woman nor a servant—
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except when fighting in the cause of Allah.
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Nor was any harm ever done to him for which he took revenge upon the perpetrator,
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unless one of the sacred boundaries of Allah was violated,
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in which case he would take retribution for the sake of Allah, Mighty and Majestic."
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Narrated by Muslim.
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Reflect, dear brother husband,
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upon the Prophetic morals within this Seerah:
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he never struck with his hand,
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and he never took revenge for his own self.
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This is the Prophetic wisdom in interpersonal conduct.
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Indeed, a man's haste in resorting to striking his wife
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is clear proof of a lack of wisdom and sound judgment.
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Had he reflected for a moment,
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he would have found alternatives before striking,
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and resolved the matter in a better and more lasting way.
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But it is haste conjoined with anger and vindication of the ego.
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Looking at the Seerah of the Prophet (peace be upon him)
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in his counsel to his Companions
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regarding how to treat their wives,
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we find that he directs them toward gentleness and good companionship,
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and clarifies that striking—
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even if permitted in specific cases with strict conditions—
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is neither the first resort nor the ideal solution
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that a sensible man begins with.
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Here, dear brother husband, are some hadiths:
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On the authority of Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
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I said, "O Messenger of Allah,
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what are the rights of our wives upon us, and what should we avoid?"
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He said, "Approach your tilth whenever you wish,
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feed her when you eat,
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clothe her when you clothe yourself,
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do not revile her face, and do not strike her."
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Narrated by Abu Dawud.
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Thus, he forbade him from striking her and from saying:
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"May Allah uglify your face!"
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In reflecting upon this prohibition:
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a man initially approached the woman
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only after looking at her face and admiring it;
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how then can he revile a face he chose himself and desired,
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and spent wealth to be united with?
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The prohibition against reviling indicates the impermissibility of humiliation and degradation,
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and shows that a hurtful word
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may leave a deeper impact than a physical blow,
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because it penetrates the heart and its traces endure.
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This is part of the perfection of his guidance (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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in building households
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upon the foundation of dignity and good companionship,
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not upon insult and belittlement.
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In the lengthy hadith of Laqit Ibn Sabirah, he said:
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I said, "O Messenger of Allah,
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I have a wife who has something sharp in her tongue"—
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meaning foul language.
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He said, "Divorce her then."
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He replied, "O Messenger of Allah,
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she has been a companion to me, and I have children with her."
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He said, "Then command her"—
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meaning: admonish her—
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"for if there is any good in her, she will comply;
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and do not beat your wife as you beat your bondwoman."
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Narrated by Abu Dawud.
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Al-Khattabi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"His saying:
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'Do not beat your wife as you beat your bondwoman':
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for al-dha'inah refers to the wife,
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and she is called dha'inah
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because she travels (tadh'anu) with the husband
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and moves wherever he moves.
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There is nothing in this that prohibits striking them
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or makes it unlawful for husbands when necessary,
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for Allah Almighty has permitted that in His saying:
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'Admonish them, forsake them in bed, and strike them.'
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Rather, it contains a prohibition against severe, agonizing beating,
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as slaves are beaten
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according to the customs of those who deem beating them permissible
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and mistreat their charges.
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Citing the beating of slaves as an example
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does not necessitate that beating them is permissible;
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rather, it was mentioned here by way of censuring their conduct,
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and forbidding him from emulating it."
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On the authority of Iyas Ibn 'Abdillah Ibn Abi Dhubab (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"Do not strike the female servants of Allah."
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Then 'Umar came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and said:
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"The women have become emboldened against their husbands."
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So he granted a concession to strike them.
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Thereupon, many women surrounded the family of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),
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complaining about their husbands.
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So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"Many women have gone around the family of Muhammad,
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complaining about their husbands;
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those [husbands] are not the best among you."
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Narrated by Abu Dawud.
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Al-Khattabi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"His word 'dha'irna'
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means bad character and defiance toward husbands;
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according to this, its meaning is
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that they became insolent toward their husbands
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and disregarded their rights.
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The hadith contains the fiqh
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that disciplining women regarding the withholding of marital rights is permissible,
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provided it is a non-severe blow.
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It also contains a clarification that being patient with their ill-temper
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and overlooking what comes from them is superior."
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Al-Tibi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"He negated their being among the best,
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since they did not show patience and did not endure their annoyance."
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Do you wish, dear brother husband,
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to be deprived of being among the best
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through your lack of patience with a woman of your own choosing,
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with whom you have lived for years,
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and who bore you sons and daughters?
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On the authority of Sulayman Ibn 'Amr Ibn al-Ahwas:
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he said, my father told me that he witnessed the Farewell Pilgrimage
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with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
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He praised Allah, extolled Him,
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reminded, and admonished.
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He mentioned a narrative in the hadith,
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saying: "Behold, treat women well,
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for they are like captives under your care;
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you possess nothing more from them than that,
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unless they commit manifest indecency.
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If they do so, forsake them in bed
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and strike them with a non-severe blow.
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But if they obey you, seek no means against them."
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Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
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Abu al-Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"'For they are like captives ('awan) under your care':
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'awan is the plural of 'aniyah, which means a captive,
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and al-'ani is the captive,
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because she is bound to the right of the husband.
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Thus, a woman is like a captive with her husband:
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she cannot go out except with his permission,
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nor can she marry another because she is under his marital bond;
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she belongs exclusively to him, with no one sharing her with him."
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The great Prophetic injunction is:
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"Behold, treat women well!"
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So are you, dear brother husband,
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among those who treat their wives well?
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I ask Allah that you be so,
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and I seek refuge in Allah that you be
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among those about whom the seventh woman said:
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"Every flaw is found in him:
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he fractures your head, or breaks your bone,
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or combines both against you."
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We will continue in our next session, if Allah wills.
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And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.