Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (4) | My husband is lean camel meat

0:00 In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

0:03 Categories of men in the hadith of Umm Zur'ah.

0:16 "My husband is like lean camel meat on top of a mountain."

0:22 After the women sat down and pledged to speak truthfully about their husbands,

0:27 and not to conceal anything,

0:30 the first one said:

0:32 "My husband is like lean camel meat on top of a mountain."

0:36 "There is no ease to ascend it,"

0:38 "nor is it plump enough to be moved."

0:42 This wife is criticizing her husband with several reprehensible qualities,

0:46 and likening him to spoiled camel meat.

0:50 And despite its spoiled nature,

0:52 it is placed on the highest point of the mountain.

0:54 And the mountain is rugged.

0:57 So who would covet lean, spoiled meat

1:00 that is difficult to reach?

1:02 And moving it from its place is not worth the effort expended on it,

1:07 because it is lean and spoiled.

1:10 Abu Ubayd al-Harawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

1:13 She describes his lack of goodness and his remoteness, along with that lack,

1:17 like something on a difficult, high mountain,

1:20 which can only be reached with hardship.

1:25 And his lack of goodness means stinginess,

1:28 which is a reprehensible trait, especially in men.

1:32 Al-Qadi Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

1:35 This woman described her husband as stingy and lacking in goodness,

1:39 and his goodness being remote and difficult to attain,

1:43 like lean or spoiled meat that is moved,

1:47 which one disdains and therefore does not seek.

1:50 So how about if it were on a difficult, rugged mountain peak?

1:54 Or a dune that has been trampled,

1:56 on which one cannot walk,

1:58 and can only be reached with hardship.

2:02 Stinginess is a very reprehensible trait among people.

2:06 For the stingy person withholds his wealth from those who deserve it or to whom it is due.

2:12 And the one most harmed by stinginess is the wife,

2:16 because the stingy person denies her her right to sustenance.

2:20 And this is a continuous harm as long as she is married to him.

2:24 Therefore, Bishr ibn al-Harith al-Hafi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

2:29 "Do not marry a stingy man, nor deal with him."

2:34 And this is a valuable piece of advice from a noble scholar

2:38 to every woman approaching marriage.

2:41 Do not agree to marry a stingy man.

2:44 For the stingy person has no friend but money.

2:48 The stingy person is not fit to be a husband,

2:52 nor to lead people.

2:54 For it is narrated in a hadith from Jabir ibn Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with them both, that he said:

3:00 The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:

3:04 Who is your chief, O Banu Salimah?

3:07 We said: "Judd ibn Qays, on the condition that he is stingy."

3:12 He said: "And what ailment is more incurable than stinginess?"

3:16 Rather, your chief is Umar ibn al-Jamuh.

3:20 Narrated by Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad.

3:24 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,

3:26 did not accept that a stingy man be made chief over people.

3:31 He described stinginess as the most destructive of diseases to a person's character.

3:37 Al-Mawardi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

3:40 And from stinginess, other blameworthy traits may arise,

3:43 even if it is a gateway to every form of condemnation.

3:47 Four traits:

3:48 Enough said about their vileness.

3:51 They are greed and impetuosity,

3:53 and ill suspicion,

3:55 and withholding rights.

3:57 Then he, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

3:59 As for withholding rights,

4:01 the stingy person's soul is not willing to part with what it loves,

4:05 nor does it submit to relinquishing what it desires.

4:09 So it does not yield to a right,

4:10 nor does it agree to fairness.

4:13 And when the stingy person devolves into what we have described of these blameworthy traits

4:18 and base dispositions,

4:20 no good is to be hoped for from him,

4:22 nor any betterment anticipated.

4:26 The stingy person is of little intellect,

4:29 poor in management,

4:31 deprived of the good of this world,

4:33 narrow-minded,

4:35 he dislikes guests,

4:36 and dislikes associating with people.

4:39 His faith is weak,

4:41 he has ill suspicion of his Lord.

4:43 Blameworthy qualities have gathered in him,

4:46 stemming from stinginess.

4:48 This is but one of the traits that the first woman alluded to with her saying:

4:55 "My husband is like rancid camel meat,

4:58 atop a mountain,

5:00 neither easy to ascend,

5:02 nor so plump as to be moved."

5:05 Some scholars have understood other traits that this woman indicated with this eloquent description.

5:12 Al-Khattabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

5:15 She describes his lack of goodness and his remoteness, along with that lack,

5:19 like something on a difficult mountain,

5:22 which can only be reached with hardship.

5:25 I say:

5:26 The meaning of "remoteness" here

5:28 that he has been described with bad character,

5:31 and arrogance, and carrying himself with haughtiness and pride.

5:36 You mean that despite his lack of goodness and stinginess,

5:40 he is arrogant towards his relatives,

5:42 and turns away disdainfully.

5:44 So he combines withholding support

5:46 with causing harm and bad character.

5:50 He is therefore in a good state, yet arrogant towards people.

5:54 And this is a very great affliction.

5:57 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said about it:

6:01 "He will not enter Paradise, whoever has in his heart

6:04 an atom's weight of pride."

6:07 A man said,

6:08 "A man likes his clothes to be good and his sandals to be good."

6:13 He said,

6:15 "Allah is beautiful and loves beauty.

6:18 Pride is

6:19 rejecting the truth and looking down on people."

6:22 Narrated by Muslim.

6:24 And it is a wonder of this hadith

6:27 that the man asked the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,

6:30 about a description that is never found in misers,

6:34 which is their concern for their clothes, their demeanor, and their appearance.

6:39 So the miser who combines stinginess and pride

6:42 is among the worst of people.

6:44 He did not benefit with his wealth,

6:46 nor with his companionship to people,

6:49 because he despises them and belittles them.

6:52 And this is pride.

6:54 He has deprived himself of the bliss of this world and the bliss of the Hereafter,

6:58 and tormented himself in this world,

7:01 and by despising people, he torments himself in the Hereafter.

7:05 And among the beautiful words describing the psyche of this stingy, arrogant husband

7:11 is what Al-Suyuti, may Allah have mercy on him, transmitted from Al-Shadhili in his contemplation of this hadith,

7:17 where he said:

7:18 The first type

7:20 is the arrogant soul,

7:22 the one who is turned away and rejected,

7:24 whose delusion has overcome the resolve of a people,

7:28 so they came with injustice and falsehood,

7:30 and became arrogant within themselves,

7:32 and transgressed a great transgression.

7:35 And this is the most difficult soul to guide,

7:39 the furthest in presence,

7:41 the greatest in stubbornness,

7:43 and the most averse.

7:45 It charges with the charge of rulers and splendor,

7:49 and rushes towards vices like a moth rushes,

7:53 and she claims with her tongue

7:55 "I am the sun and the moon."

7:58 Then, when what she has of flaws becomes apparent,

8:01 darkness descends and becomes murky.

8:04 So, how vast the difference between bad news and good news!

8:08 And she imitates the boastful in her words about the states of those who witness,

8:13 and the plumage of peacocks,

8:15 not to be confused with the thorns of hedgehogs.

8:18 And the soul possessing these traits,

8:20 when it is looked upon with the eye of divine support,

8:23 and drawn by providence with the reins of rectitude,

8:26 its arrogance, which was once fat, becomes emaciated,

8:30 and its pride, which was once precious, becomes insignificant.

8:34 It is isolated from self-discipline in a mountain difficult to traverse,

8:38 far in its peaks and reaches,

8:41 where the lovers of leadership have no path,

8:45 nor do base ambitions rely upon it.

8:49 So, when its soul submits to falsehood and is overthrown,

8:53 it becomes as I have informed and stated:

8:56 "My husband is rancid camel meat

8:58 atop a rugged mountain."

9:01 The burden of humility has emaciated the fat of its arrogance,

9:05 and the light of his remembrance has melted the flesh of his immense pride.

9:09 And it resides, from the mountain of self-discipline and obscurity,

9:13 at a summit difficult to reach.

9:16 Neither is the mountain easy to ascend,

9:19 nor is the meat plump to be chosen.

9:24 And the question that presents itself here is:

9:27 What does a wife do if she is tested with such a husband?

9:32 This issue occurred during the time of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.

9:37 And he issued a ruling that satisfies the hearts,

9:40 and remedies matters,

9:42 and removes the hardship from the woman in her dealings with this stingy, miserly man.

9:48 It is narrated from Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, that she said:

9:51 Hind bint Utbah,

9:54 the wife of Abu Sufyan,

9:56 entered upon the Messenger of Allah,

9:58 and said:

9:59 "O Messenger of Allah,

10:01 Abu Sufyan is a stingy man;

10:04 he does not provide me with enough sustenance for myself and my children,

10:08 except what I take from his wealth without his knowledge.

10:12 Is there any sin upon me for that?"

10:16 So the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:

10:20 "Take from his wealth, according to what is right, enough for you and your children."

10:25 Narrated by Muslim.

10:27 Ibn Abd al-Barr, may Allah have mercy on him, said:

10:30 "So he ordered her to compensate him by taking her due from his wealth.

10:37 The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, permitted her to take from his wealth

10:41 without his knowledge what would suffice her and her children.

10:45 He qualified this with "what is proper" (bi'l-ma'ruf).

10:47 So do not be extravagant in taking from his wealth.

10:50 And do not take more than your basic needs.

10:54 Stinginess is a blameworthy trait that can be changed.

10:59 So the advice to a stingy husband

11:01 is to strive to change this trait

11:04 by feigning generosity

11:06 and increasing spending on public charities and other things,

11:10 while persistently imploring Allah to remove this trait from himself

11:15 and to adorn himself with noble character.

11:19 From Abu Ad-Darda', may Allah be pleased with him, who said:

11:22 Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:

11:26 Knowledge is only gained through learning.

11:28 And forbearance is only gained through cultivating it.

11:31 Whoever seeks good will be given it.

11:33 And whoever guards against evil will be protected from it.

11:37 Narrated by At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat.

11:40 And from Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with him,

11:43 that Allah's Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,

11:47 used to seek refuge after prayers with these words:

11:52 "O Allah, I seek refuge in You from cowardice and stinginess."

11:57 Narrated by Al-Bukhari.

11:59 Stinginess is not among the characteristics of prophets or the righteous.

12:04 Indeed, the believer is generous and noble.

12:07 Cowardice and stinginess

12:08 are among the evil traits that are not befitting for a believer.

12:13 And he should frequently seek refuge in Allah from them.

12:18 My brother husband, feign generosity until you become generous,

12:23 and seek good, and you will attain it.

12:26 And stay away from evil, and Allah will keep it away from you.

12:32 We will continue in a future meeting, Allah willing.

12:35 And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.

Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (4) | My husband is lean camel meat

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