Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 25 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (25) and the last | So that you can be one of the best men
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Categories of men.
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Regarding the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
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So that you may be among the best of men.
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My dear brother, the husband.
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This is the conclusion of our Ramadan series.
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On the explanation and reflection of the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
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In clarifying the categories of men.
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I have made these quick pieces of advice for myself and for you.
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May Allah make me and you.
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Among the best of men to their wives.
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Firstly, Allah has commanded us to follow.
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His Prophet, peace be upon him.
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For He said: "There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah.
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An excellent pattern."
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And part of this following.
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Is following the way he treated his wives.
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And this following of the Prophet, peace be upon him, cannot be realized.
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Except through our knowledge of his biography with his wives.
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This means that we should read extensively the hadiths.
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Related to the biography of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
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With his wives.
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From the books of hadith.
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And from the books that have specifically collected these hadiths.
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Such as the book *Husn al-Uswah*.
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*Fima Thabata ‘an Allah wa Rasulihi fi al-Niswa* (The Best Example: Regarding What Has Been Authenticated from Allah and His Messenger Concerning Women).
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By Siddiq Hasan Khan.
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And the book.
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*Mawsu‘at Ahadith al-Mar’ah fi al-Kutub al-Sittah* (Encyclopedia of Hadiths Concerning Women in the Six Books).
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By ‘Adil al-Hamad.
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Secondly.
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The Prophet, peace be upon him, described.
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His life with his wives in a general description.
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For he said:
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"The best of you is the best of you to his family.
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And I am the best of you to my family."
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Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
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Ibn ‘Uthaymin, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"If there is goodness in you.
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Then place it with those closest to you.
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And let them be the first to benefit from this goodness."
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This is the opposite of what some people do today.
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You find him ill-mannered with his family.
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But well-mannered with others.
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This is a grave error.
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Your family is more deserving of your good conduct.
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Treat them with the best of character.
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Because they are the ones who are with you.
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Night and day.
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In private and in public.
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If something befalls you, they suffer with you.
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If you are happy, they rejoice with you.
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And if you are sad, they grieve with you.
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So let your treatment of them.
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Be better than your treatment of strangers.
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For the best of people is the best of them to his family.
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Thirdly, my dear brother, the husband.
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In order to achieve excellence in your treatment of your family.
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You must adhere to these matters.
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First.
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Strive against your soul to adorn yourself with noble character.
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By reflecting on the hadith of Umm Zar‘.
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We find that everyone whom his wife praised.
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She praised for his good character.
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And everyone whom his wife criticized.
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She criticized for his poor character.
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This means that the most important issue you should attend to.
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After attending to your religion.
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Is your character.
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That is why he, peace be upon him, said:
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"If someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to you.
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Then marry him off."
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Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
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Character is part of the religion.
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But the Prophet, peace be upon him.
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Emphasized it because there are people who perform their worship to Allah well.
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Yet they are ill-mannered with people.
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And these are among the bankrupt losers on the Day of Resurrection.
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He, peace be upon him, said:
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"The bankrupt one of my Ummah is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting, and zakat.
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But he comes having insulted this one, slandered that one.
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Consumed the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one, and struck this one.
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So this one is given from his good deeds, and that one is given from his good deeds.
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And if his good deeds are exhausted before what is due from him is settled.
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Then their sins are taken and cast upon him.
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Then he is cast into the Fire."
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So do not be one of them, my dear brother, the husband.
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Second, apply all the hadiths regarding good treatment of people to your wife.
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Some believe that the hadiths urging good treatment of people.
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Such as a cheerful face and smiling.
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Bringing joy to a Muslim.
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Helping people in all its forms.
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And striving to care for widows and the needy.
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Some believe that this applies to everyone.
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Except for the wife and the household.
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This is a grave error.
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Which, if you fall into it, my dear brother, the husband.
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You miss out on many good deeds.
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And you miss out on happiness in your home and with your wife.
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Reflect on the good deeds that come to you from these actions.
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The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
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"That you leave your heirs wealthy.
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Is better than that you leave them dependent, begging from people.
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And you will not spend any expenditure seeking thereby the Face of Allah.
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But you will be rewarded for it, even for what you place in the mouth of your wife."
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Narrated by al-Bukhari.
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And the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
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"And in the intimate act of any of you is a charity."
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They said: "O Messenger of Allah.
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Does one of us fulfill his desire and have a reward in it?"
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He said: "Do you see, if he placed it in a forbidden act.
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Would he have a sin in it?"
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Likewise, if he places it in the lawful, he has a reward.
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Narrated by Muslim.
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These hadiths, my dear brother, the husband.
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Inform you of the volume of good deeds that come to you.
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Because of your gentle treatment of your wife.
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And imagine the volume of happiness that will overwhelm her heart with this treatment.
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Which is part of the joy you bring to her.
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Third.
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Consider your wife a continuous charity for you.
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And a door of goodness whose reward does not cease.
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And to achieve this point.
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Apply this hadith to your wife.
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And I will place the word "your wife" in small text.
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So that the meaning becomes clear to you.
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On the authority of ‘Umar that a man came to the Prophet, peace be upon him.
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And said: "O Messenger of Allah.
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Which of the people is most beloved to Allah?
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And which of the deeds is most beloved to Allah?"
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The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said:
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"The most beloved of people to Allah.
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Is the most beneficial of them to people—to your wife.
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And the most beloved of deeds to Allah.
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Is a joy you bring to a Muslim.
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To your wife.
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Or you relieve him of a distress.
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Or her.
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Or you pay off a debt for him.
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Or for her.
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Or you drive away hunger from him.
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Or from her.
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And that I walk with a brother of mine for a need.
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Or with my wife.
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Is more beloved to me than that I seclude myself in this mosque for a month."
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Meaning the mosque of Medina.
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"And whoever restrains his anger toward his wife.
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Allah will conceal his faults.
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And whoever suppresses his rage toward his wife.
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Even though he could have acted upon it, he refrained.
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Allah will fill his heart with hope on the Day of Resurrection.
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And whoever walks with a brother—with his wife.
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For a need until he establishes it for her.
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Allah will make his feet firm on the day when feet slip."
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Narrated by al-Tabarani in *al-Kabir*.
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Fourth.
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Pray for her in her absence.
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Especially during your prostration.
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Supplication for people.
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Does not come except from a loving heart.
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And I believe that you, my dear brother, the husband.
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Love your wife.
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So have you prayed for her in her absence?
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Or in your prayer?
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On the authority of ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.
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That she said:
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"When I saw from the Prophet, peace be upon him.
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A good mood.
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I said: 'O Messenger of Allah.
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Pray to Allah for me.'"
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So he said:
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"O Allah, forgive ‘A’ishah.
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Her past sins.
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And her future ones.
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What she kept secret and what she made public."
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So ‘A’ishah laughed.
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Until her head fell into her lap.
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From laughter.
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The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said to her:
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"Does my supplication please you?"
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She said:
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"And why would your supplication not please me?"
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He said:
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"By Allah, it is my supplication for my Ummah.
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In every prayer."
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Narrated by Ibn Hibban.
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Fifth.
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Stay away from the spoilers.
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Of marital life.
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The spoilers of marital life.
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Are many.
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But I warn you, my dear brother, the husband.
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Against two things.
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The first.
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Casting glances at the faces of women.
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This looking.
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Will not end except with the fear of Allah.
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And the fear of His punishment.
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Otherwise, the faces
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of beautiful women are endless;
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for every time you look at one woman,
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another appears with the best
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of what she has to offer.
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Especially since Satan beautifies
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the forbidden for you,
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while making the lawful seem repulsive to you.
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Looking at what is forbidden
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is among the sins that may cause separation
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between you and your wife.
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
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"No two people are brought together
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and then separated
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except by a sin
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committed by one of them."
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Narrated by Ahmad.
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The second point:
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Comparing what you see
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or hear with your own wife.
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This is one of the most dangerous things
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for your heart and your mental state,
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because you will never be content
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with what you have,
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and it is the beginning of problems with your wife.
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It may well be that the cause
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of the divorce of Umm Zar'
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was what Abu Zar' fell into
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by casting his gaze upon other women
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and making comparisons between
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what he saw and his wife,
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which is a sin that caused separation
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between them.
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In conclusion,
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I ask Allah to grant you happiness, dear brother,
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with your noble wife,
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to fill your heart with love for her,
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and for you to be
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the most beloved of people to her.
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We will meet you,
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my brothers and sisters, in a
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coming Ramadan series,
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if Allah wills.
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And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
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May the peace and blessings of Allah be
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upon our Prophet Muhammad,
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and upon his family,
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and all of his Companions.