Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (19) | Why was Umm Zara divorced?

0:00 In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

0:03 Types of Men

0:08 In the Hadith of Umm Zar'

0:16 Why Was Umm Zar' Divorced?

0:21 After all the wonderful descriptions Umm Zar' recounted

0:24 regarding the bliss and luxury she enjoyed with her husband Abu Zar',

0:29 she said:

0:30 "Abu Zar' went forth while the milk skins were being churned,

0:34 and he met a woman with two sons of hers like two leopards,

0:38 playing beneath her waist with two pomegranates;

0:41 so he divorced me and married her."

0:44 Thus she related the matter with such brevity,

0:47 indicating the haste with which he divorced her

0:50 and married another.

0:53 Can it truly be conceived that a man such as this,

0:56 who had treated her with the utmost generosity and benevolence,

0:59 would abandon her so swiftly for another woman

1:02 without any apparent cause?

1:05 Perhaps when we contemplate the incident from several angles,

1:08 the picture will become clearer to us.

1:12 First:

1:13 What do we glean from her mention of the time he went forth?

1:17 She said:

1:18 "Abu Zar' went forth while the milk skins were being churned."

1:22 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

1:25 "It is possible she intended to point out his early departure from her home

1:29 and his setting out at that early morning hour,

1:31 for that is the time when servants and slaves arise

1:34 to attend to their chores and occupations;

1:36 and implicit within this

1:38 is the abundance of his household's wealth and its copious milk,

1:41 and that they possessed so much of it that it was drunk both pure and churned,

1:45 leaving a surplus beyond their needs

1:47 such that they churned it in the milk skins

1:50 to extract its butter and ghee.

1:53 It is also possible she meant

1:55 that he went out at the onset of the pleasant season, spring,

1:59 at the time when people churn milk,

2:02 and that his departure—whether for travel or otherwise—

2:05 occurred during that season.

2:07 Thus, according to the first possibility, the benefit lies

2:10 in informing that he left her in the early morning;

2:14 and according to the second possibility,

2:16 in making known the time of his departure in terms of the seasons of the year."

2:22 According to the first possibility,

2:24 namely his departure in the early morning,

2:26 if we consider it alongside her statement about herself:

2:29 "and I sleep into the late morning,"

2:31 meaning that she sleeps through the early morning

2:34 and does not awaken until late forenoon (Duha),

2:37 we can deduce

2:39 that at the time of his early departure, she was asleep.

2:42 A man whose natural disposition is to rise early for his affairs from the crack of dawn

2:47 loves for his wife to be like him,

2:50 or at least to be awake with him,

2:54 and then, once he departs his home, she may sleep.

2:57 But as for one whose habit is to sleep until late morning,

3:00 she is ill-suited to a husband who cherishes early rising in his daily life;

3:05 she does not tend to him before he leaves,

3:08 nor does he find comfort in her presence to start his day.

3:11 It is therefore no wonder that he should step outside

3:14 and encounter an energetic woman awake since dawn,

3:18 and become captivated by her.

3:20 Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

3:23 "It is as if the mention of that detail

3:25 was a prelude explaining the circumstance under which Abu Zar' saw

3:28 the woman in the state in which he found her;

3:32 that is, from churning milk

3:34 she grew weary and lay back to rest,

3:37 and Abu Zar' saw her in that posture."

3:40 Thus, having servants in the home does not warrant laziness in a woman,

3:45 who is the mistress of the house and the director of the servants,

3:49 while they work under her supervision.

3:52 They are merely an aid to the woman in some of her tasks—

3:56 those that do not pertain directly to the husband

3:59 or to raising the children.

4:01 Indeed, the woman's active presence in the lives of her husband and offspring

4:05 is a matter of paramount importance

4:07 for the stability and happiness of the family.

4:10 Was this, then, among the shortcomings of Umm Zar'

4:13 which she did not explicitly mention to us?

4:15 Second:

4:17 What was the appealing quality that captivated Abu Zar'

4:20 in that woman?

4:22 When she described the woman Abu Zar' saw,

4:25 she said:

4:27 "and he met a woman with two sons of hers like two leopards,

4:30 playing beneath her waist with two pomegranates."

4:34 Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

4:37 "What is most plausible is that what was meant thereby were her breasts,

4:41 and her saying

4:43 'playing beneath her waist' or 'beneath her chest'

4:46 meant that this was the position of the two boys,

4:49 not the position of the two pomegranates;

4:51 that is, her two boys were in her lap

4:54 or at her sides.

4:57 Her likening of the two breasts to two pomegranates

5:00 points to their firmness and roundness,

5:03 owing to her youthfulness and tender age,

5:06 and that she had not yet advanced in years

5:09 so as to become flabby and worn out,

5:11 causing her breasts to sag and droop,

5:14 in which case they would not resemble pomegranates."

5:19 And this is precisely what is expected of Umm Zar's description of the woman,

5:24 for we have observed that all of her descriptions of her household

5:28 focused on physical beauty.

5:31 Here, too, she describes the woman with a form of physical beauty

5:35 that men desire,

5:37 namely firm, youthful breasts,

5:39 which signify the woman's young age,

5:42 and this is among the delights of Paradise.

5:44 Allah Almighty said:

5:46 "And full-bosomed maidens of equal age."

5:48 Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

5:51 "Al-Kawa'ib is the plural of ka'ib,

5:54 which refers to a woman with firm, raised breasts;

5:56 this was stated by Qatadah, Mujahid, and the exegetes.

5:59 Al-Kalbi said:

6:01 'They are rounded,

6:03 whose breasts have become rounded and swelling.'

6:06 The root of the word denotes roundness;

6:09 and the meaning is

6:11 that their breasts are firm like pomegranates,

6:14 not drooping downward,

6:17 and such women are called nawahid and kawa'ib."

6:20 Here, a question poses itself:

6:24 This aesthetic attribute that enchanted Abu Zar'—

6:28 was it present in Umm Zar'?

6:31 It appears that it was not present in her,

6:34 whether by natural constitution,

6:36 or due to her advanced age,

6:38 or because of neglect in caring for herself,

6:41 even though she lived in luxury and was spared labor,

6:45 so her body was not exhausted.

6:47 Yet the reality is

6:49 that every woman possesses qualities of beauty

6:52 that differ from another's;

6:54 this is from the majesty of the Creator.

6:56 Never will all beautiful attributes

6:59 be found combined in a single woman

7:01 except in Paradise.

7:03 For if a man lets his gaze roam freely upon women,

7:06 he will inevitably find someone more beautiful than his wife,

7:09 without doubt.

7:11 It is for this reason that Allah, the Mighty and Majestic, forbade

7:13 men from looking at non-mahram women.

7:16 Whoever lets his gaze wander will suffer distress,

7:18 his heart will become corrupt,

7:20 he will not be content with the blessing he has in his wife,

7:24 and he will fall into the affliction of comparison

7:26 between what he sees and his own wife.

7:29 At that point,

7:30 his marital life will cease to function soundly,

7:33 yet he will never attain everything he sees.

7:36 But whoever lowers his gaze is guaranteed Paradise.

7:40 On the authority of 'Ubadah ibn al-Samit (may Allah be pleased with him),

7:43 the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)

7:46 said:

7:47 "Guarantee me six things from yourselves,

7:50 and I will guarantee you Paradise:

7:52 be truthful when you speak,

7:54 fulfill your promises when you pledge,

7:56 discharge your trusts when you are entrusted,

7:59 guard your private parts,

8:01 lower your gazes,

8:03 and restrain your hands."

8:05 Narrated by Ahmad.

8:07 Furthermore, Abu Zar'

8:09 only saw a single physical attribute

8:11 pertaining to her body,

8:13 while other matters remained hidden from him

8:15 regarding living with her and her character,

8:18 which might well ruin his life.

8:20 A man ought not, therefore,

8:22 make his sole concern a woman's body

8:24 without regard for her character and religious commitment.

8:27 Fourth:

8:29 Was there something else

8:31 that appealed to him in this woman?

8:33 Umm Zar's description of the scene indicated

8:36 that Abu Zar' looked at another matter

8:39 that pleased him in this woman,

8:41 namely the nobility and vitality of her offspring.

8:44 Umm Zar' said in her description:

8:46 "and he met a woman with two sons of hers like two leopards."

8:51 Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

8:53 "The benefit of her describing them

8:56 is to draw attention to the reasons Abu Zar' married her;

9:00 for they used to desire that their children come from fertile, prolific women,

9:06 which is why Abu Zar' was eager for her when he saw her."

9:10 Was Umm Zar', then, a woman of few children?

9:15 That appears to be the case,

9:17 for she mentioned only two,

9:19 despite the long period she spent with her husband.

9:23 Childbearing is a gift from Allah;

9:26 He, Glorified be He, said of it:

9:28 “Unto Allah belongeth the Sovereignty of the heavens and the earth. He createth what He will. He bestoweth female (offspring) upon whom He will, and bestoweth male (offspring) upon whom He will;” (42:49)

9:35 “Or He mingleth them, males and females, and He maketh barren whom He will. Lo! He is Knower, Powerful.” (42:50)

9:39 “Or He mingleth them, males and females, and He maketh barren whom He will. Lo! He is Knower, Powerful.” (42:50)

9:43 "Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent."

9:46 And all means of comfort were available to Umm Zar',

9:50 Why, then, did she not bear more than two children?

9:53 The answer is:

9:55 Either this was simply what was decreed for her,

9:58 or she was the type of woman who disliked childbearing

10:02 and therefore made no effort to have more,

10:04 which gave her husband a reason to take another wife.

10:08 Can we say, then,

10:10 that Umm Zar' caused her own divorce,

10:13 or that she drove her husband to look elsewhere

10:17 and marry another woman?

10:19 We will continue in our next session, if Allah wills.

10:25 And all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (19) | Why was Umm Zara divorced?

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