Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 10 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (10) | My husband, every disease has a disease
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Categories of Men
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in the Hadith of Umm Zar'
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"My husband: every malady is found in him."
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The seventh woman who spoke in that gathering of women
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described her husband by saying:
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"My husband is hopelessly incompetent or dim-witted (ghayaya or 'ayaya),
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completely overwhelmed (tabaqa);
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every malady is found in him;
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he has fractured your skull, or broken your limb, or inflicted all of that upon you."
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It could be said of her
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that she is truly wretched,
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for she combined every blameworthy trait in describing her husband.
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There remained in him no good whatsoever that a woman might benefit from:
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he is foolish and ignorant,
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abusive in companionship,
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impotent in marital relations,
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and beats his wife severely and violently;
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indeed, he has gathered every human flaw within himself.
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Al-Qadi 'Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"She described him as foolish,
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reaching the utmost extreme in all defects and shortcomings,
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treating his family abominably,
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incapable of fulfilling her needs,
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while beating her and causing her harm.
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If she speaks to him, he insults her;
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if she jokes with him, he fractures her skull;
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and whenever he gets angry,
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he either fractures her skull,
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breaks one of her limbs—
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which is the meaning of 'broke your limb' (fallak),
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and from this root the defeated are termed
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'fall'—
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or cuts her skin or pierces her,
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which is the meaning of 'fractured your skull' (shajjak),
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or inflicts all of that upon her,
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combining beating, wounding, and breaking bones,
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or crushing her through hostility and hurtful words,
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as well as seizing her wealth."
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This type of man
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is impossible to live with in peace,
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and it is inconceivable that these vile manners
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in such a type of person
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emerged suddenly after marriage;
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rather, it is expected that they existed in him prior to marriage.
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The question that presents itself is:
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Why did this woman accept him?
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And upon whom does the blame fall for marrying her off to him?
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Firstly,
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this incident occurred during the Pre-Islamic Era (Jahiliyyah),
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but unfortunately, it recurs even in Islam.
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So where did the mistake stem from?
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Secondly,
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when looking at the teachings of Islam
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and its sublime manners,
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we find that it established a precise system
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to prevent such a scenario
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from occurring in reality.
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Why, then, does it keep recurring?
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What appears to me
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is that the recurrence of such a situation in reality
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stems from two matters
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that fall under a single heading:
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the lack of adherence to the teachings of Islam
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and its etiquettes regarding the marriage of young women.
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The first matter
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is that guardians have abdicated their responsibility in the marriage of the young woman.
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For the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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forbade a woman from marrying herself off,
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and commanded her guardians to marry her off,
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so that men bear the responsibility of arranging her marriage
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to someone who is suitable for her.
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Many hadiths have been narrated regarding this,
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among which is the hadith
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on the authority of Abu Musa (may Allah be pleased with him),
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that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"There is no marriage without a guardian."
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Narrated by Abu Dawud.
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And on the authority of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), who said:
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"Any woman who marries without the permission of her guardians,
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her marriage is invalid,"
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repeating it three times;
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"and if he has consummated the marriage with her,
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she is entitled to the bridal due (mahr) in return for what he enjoyed of her.
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If they dispute,
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then the ruler is the guardian of whoever has no guardian."
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Narrated by Abu Dawud.
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And on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
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"A woman does not give a woman in marriage,
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nor does a woman give herself in marriage;
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for indeed, it is the fornicatress who gives herself in marriage."
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Narrated by Ibn Majah.
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These hadiths
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place the responsibility of marriage upon the guardians
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and forbid a woman from marrying herself off,
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and that is for many wise reasons.
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Among them:
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men are more capable of discerning the suitor's traits and character
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and inquiring about him among other men,
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unlike the woman,
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who is unable to do so.
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And among them:
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men let reason govern their affairs,
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unlike the woman,
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who lets emotion govern hers;
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thus, if her heart becomes attached to a man,
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she turns a blind eye to all of his bad qualities.
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This highlights the danger of relationships between young men and women before the marriage contract:
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the girl becomes emotionally attached to him,
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and it becomes difficult for her to step away,
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especially since young men, in their relationships with girls,
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display their finest traits to win them over.
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Thus, when the girl becomes attached,
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she is blinded to the true reality.
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For this reason, Islam forbade women
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from free mixing with non-mahram men,
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so that such relationships do not develop
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between young men and women,
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which would subsequently ruin their lives.
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The second matter
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is the loss of proper criteria in selecting men.
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The way people view the selection of a spouse today
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has changed due to their distance
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from adhering to the commands of the Sharia.
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Thus, the criteria for choosing men has become
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a materialistic standard,
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tied solely to worldly considerations.
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This is entirely contrary
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to the counsel of the Prophet (peace be upon him),
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where he said:
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"If there comes to you one with whose
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character and religious commitment you are pleased, marry [your daughter] to him;
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for if you do not do so,
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there will be tribulation on earth and widespread corruption."
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Narrated by Ibn Majah.
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Al-Mazhari (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"Meaning: if someone asks you
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to give a woman among your daughters in marriage,
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or your female relatives,
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then look:
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if he is a righteous Muslim
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of good character,
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then marry her to him.
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For if you do not marry
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the women among your relatives
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to anyone except someone well-known, possessing wealth and status,
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and other such worldly attributes favored by
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worldly people,
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most of your women will remain unmarried,
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and most men will remain unmarried.
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At that point, men will incline toward women,
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and women will incline toward men,
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fornication will become rampant,
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and shame will fall upon the guardians
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due to fornication being attributed to their women.
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Protective jealousy may boil within them toward their female relatives
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because of hearing accusations of fornication against them,
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leading them to kill the women,
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and to kill those who targeted them with immoral acts.
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All of this represents widespread corruption
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and great tribulation."
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However,
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why would a woman stay with such a foolish man,
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and when did she discover these traits?
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There is blame upon the woman as well,
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just as we placed blame upon the guardians,
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regarding her criteria for accepting the man
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who proposed to her.
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Whatever that criteria may have been,
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it certainly was not religious commitment and good character.
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For had her criteria been religious commitment and good character,
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we would not find such cases
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in our societies;
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because this foolish category of men
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inevitably manifests his foolishness
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with those he lives with.
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Had the woman inquired about his religious commitment and character,
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and asked her guardians to verify
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that he possessed both,
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she would have discovered his true nature.
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If the Prophet (peace be upon him)
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censured a woman who stands in night prayer
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yet possesses bad character toward her neighbors,
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then how about someone whose character is like this toward the people of his household?
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On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
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A man said:
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"O Messenger of Allah,
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so-and-so
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is mentioned for her abundant prayer, fasting, and charity,
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except that she harms her neighbors with her tongue."
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He said:
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"She is in the Hellfire."
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The man said:
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"O Messenger of Allah,
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so-and-so
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is mentioned for her modest amount of fasting, charity, and prayer,
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and she gives only small pieces of dried curd in charity,
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yet she does not harm her neighbors with her tongue."
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He said:
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"She is in Paradise."
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Narrated by Ahmad.
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This hadith
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is entirely explicit in showing that religion and moral conduct in dealing with people cannot be separated.
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How, then, can a woman accept marrying a man devoid of good character?
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Furthermore, let us reflect on her statement:
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"Every defect is found in him."
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Abu 'Ubayd al-Harawi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"Meaning, every illness found among people
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is present in him and is part of his afflictions."
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And al-Khalil al-Farahidi, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"She meant that every single flaw that can be found in men exists in him."
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This expression encompasses every form of evil in this type of man;
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he is indeed among the worst of people.
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For on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him,
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the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, stood before a group of seated people
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and asked:
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"Shall I not inform you of the best among you from the worst among you?"
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He said:
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They remained silent.
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He repeated it three times,
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so a man said:
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"Yes, O Messenger of Allah!
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Inform us of the best among us from the worst among us."
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He said:
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"The best of you is the one from whom good is expected and from whose harm people are safe,
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and the worst of you is the one from whom no good is expected and from whose harm people are not safe."
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Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
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If all the flaws of humanity are combined in this husband,
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then she can never hope for any good from him,
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nor can she feel safe from his harm.
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We shall continue in a future gathering, if Allah wills.
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And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all the worlds.