Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 22 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (22) | Was Zara's mother grateful to her husband?
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Categories of men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'.
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Was Umm Zar' grateful to her husband?
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Among the most dangerous bad traits for a woman in her marital life
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Are ingratitude for kindness, unthankfulness,
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And constant discontent with her living conditions.
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, warned against these traits,
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And our Lord deemed contentment appropriate for the wives of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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Allah Almighty says:
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“O Prophet! Say unto thy wives: If ye desire the world's life and its adornment, come! I will content you and will release you with a fair release.” (33:28)
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“O Prophet! Say unto thy wives: If ye desire the world's life and its adornment, come! I will content you and will release you with a fair release.” (33:28)
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Ibn Kathir, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"This is a command from Allah to His Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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To give his wives the choice between separating from him,
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So they may go to others who can provide them with the worldly life and its adornment,
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Or remaining patient with the straitened circumstances he lived in,
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For which they would have a immense reward with Allah.
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So they chose Allah and His Messenger, may Allah be pleased with them.
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“But if ye desire Allah and His messenger and the abode of the Hereafter, then lo! Allah hath prepared for the good among you an immense reward.” (33:29)
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Thus Allah combined for them after that the good of this world and the happiness of the Hereafter."
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So Allah, the Mighty and Sublime, nurtured the wives of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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Upon gratitude for the blessings they were enjoying,
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And forbade them from complaining about straitened living conditions,
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So that they might be role models for the women of the world.
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Nor was Abraham, the Intimate Friend of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, pleased
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For his son Ishmael's wife to be ungrateful for the blessings she enjoyed,
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So he commanded his son to divorce her.
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It was narrated in the long hadith of al-Bukhari regarding the story of Abraham and Ishmael,
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On the authority of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, who said:
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"Abraham came after Ishmael had married to check on his estate,
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But he did not find Ishmael.
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So he asked his wife about him,
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And she said:
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'He has gone out hunting for us.'
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Then he asked her about their living conditions and state,
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And she said:
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'We are in bad shape;
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We are in hardship and distress.'
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Thus she complained to him.
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He said:
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'When your husband comes,
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Convey my greetings of peace to him,
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And tell him
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To change the threshold of his door.'
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When Ishmael came,
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He seemed to sense something,
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So he asked:
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'Has anyone come to you?'
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She said: 'Yes,
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An old man of such-and-such description came to us,
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And he asked us about you,
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So I informed him.
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Then he asked me how our living was,
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So I informed him that we were in hardship and distress.'
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He said:
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'Did he advise you with anything?'
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She said: 'Yes,
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He commanded me to convey his greetings of peace to you,
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And he says:
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"Change the threshold of your door."'
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Ishmael said:
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'That was my father,
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And he has commanded me to part from you.
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Go back to your family.'
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So he divorced her,
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And married another woman from among them.
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Abraham stayed away from them
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For as long as Allah willed,
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Then he came to them later,
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But did not find Ishmael.
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So he entered upon his wife
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And asked her about him.
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She said:
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'He has gone out hunting for us.'
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He said:
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'How are you?'
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And he asked her about their living conditions
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And state.
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She said:
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'We are in good health and abundance,'
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And she praised Allah.
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So he said:
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'What is your food?'
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She said:
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'Meat.'
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He said:
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'And what is your drink?'
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She said:
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'Water.'
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He said:
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'O Allah, bless them
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In their meat and water.'"
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
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"They had no grain at that time,
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And if they had had any,
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He would have supplicated for them in it."
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He said:
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"Thus, no one confines themselves to these two
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Anywhere outside of Mecca
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Except that they will suffer digestive distress."
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He said:
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"When your husband comes,
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Convey my greetings of peace to him,
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And command him to keep
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The threshold of his door."
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When Ishmael came,
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He said:
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"Has anyone come to you?"
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She said:
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"Yes,
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A handsome old man came to us,"
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And she praised him.
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"He asked me about you,
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So I informed him.
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Then he asked me how our living was,
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So I informed him that we were doing well."
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He said:
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"Did he advise you with anything?"
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She said:
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"Yes,
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He conveys his greetings of peace to you,
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And commands you to keep the threshold of your door."
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Ishmael said:
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"That was my father,
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And you are the threshold;
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He commanded me to keep you."
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Thus, Ishmael's first wife was not grateful,
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So Abraham commanded him to divorce her.
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Ingratitude for the husband's favor
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Is among the causes of a woman entering the Fire.
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On the authority of Ibn 'Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both,
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Who said:
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The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
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"I was shown the Fire,
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And behold, the majority of its inhabitants were women
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Who commit ingratitude."
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It was asked:
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"Do they disbelieve in Allah?"
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He said:
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"They display ingratitude toward their husbands
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And disavow kind treatment.
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If you were to show kindness to one of them for a lifetime,
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Then she sees something from you that displeases her,
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She says:
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'I have never seen any good from you at all.'"
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Narrated by al-Bukhari.
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Ibn Battal, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"The ingratitude here
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Refers to unthankfulness for kindness
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And denial of the husband's favor—
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Meaning the husband—
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As well as discontent with his condition.
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Allah has commanded His Messenger to give thanks for blessings,
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And it is mentioned in the hadith:
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'He does not thank Allah who does not thank people.'
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Expressing gratitude for the husband's blessings
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Falls under giving thanks for Allah's blessings,
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Because every favor bestowed by a husband upon his wife
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Is part of Allah's blessing
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Manifested through his hands."
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On the authority of 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with him,
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From the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,
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Who said:
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"Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, does not look
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At a woman who is not grateful to her husband,
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While she cannot do without him."
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Narrated by al-Bazzar.
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This particular trait in married life
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Is deeply disliked by a man,
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And a man's love for his wife may change
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Due to her lack of gratitude toward him,
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Or her constant dissatisfaction with his financial situation.
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So, was Umm Zar'
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Lacking in gratitude toward her husband?
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By examining what Umm Zar' said
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Regarding her second husband,
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We can glean from it
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Whether she was grateful to her husband or not.
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Umm Zar' said:
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"After him, I married a noble man
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Who rode a spirited horse,
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Took a spear,
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Brought me abundant livestock,
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And gave me a pair of every type of animal,
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Saying:
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'Eat, O Umm Zar',
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And provide for your family.'
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She said:
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'Yet, if I gathered everything he gave me,
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It would not fill the smallest vessel of Abu Zar'.'"
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Al-Qadi 'Iyad, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"By this statement, she meant
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The vast amount of gifts he brought to her home,
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Consisting of camels, cattle, sheep,
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Servants, and mounts;
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That he gave her various kinds of these,
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Not limiting himself to single items,
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But rather doubling and multiplying them
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Out of kindness and generosity toward her;
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And that he was a man of hunting and game,
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Returning with game in pairs
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Adding it to what I have earned now.
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Then he, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
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"She described this man whom she married
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as possessing nobility in his own person,
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and abundance of wealth in his hands,
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and that he was a man of war and horsemanship—
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or it is as though he were a man of war and horsemanship—
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and that he treated her with excellence
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and was generous to her family.
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Then she reported that despite all of this,
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he did not hold the same place in her heart as Abu Zar',
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and that his abundance fell short of Abu Zar's little—
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so how could it compare to his abundance?
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She considered this second husband's status deficient
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when compared to the status of Abu Zar',
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despite Abu Zar's ill-treatment of her at the end.
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However, her love for him
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made all men distasteful to her after him."
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Yet a woman's love for her husband
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does not necessarily mean she is grateful to him.
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For a woman's attachment to a man
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has many reasons,
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and despite her attachment to him,
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it does not follow that she will display good character toward him—
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especially regarding the issue of ungratefully denying his kindness.
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Good character in a person
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manifests in their dealings with everyone,
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just as bad character
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manifests in their dealings with everyone.
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Um Zar' was not grateful to her second husband,
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despite all the good things he provided for her;
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rather, she belittled it all.
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So can we imagine that she
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was grateful to her first husband?
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Blessings do not endure except through gratitude.
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She was not grateful for the blessing of her first husband,
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so it vanished from her;
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had she been grateful, it would have endured for her.
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Allah Almighty says:
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"And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed:
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'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor];
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but if you are ungrateful, indeed, My punishment is severe.'"
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And He, Glorified be He, says:
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“What concern hath Allah for your punishment if ye are thankful (for His mercies) and believe (in Him)? Allah was ever Responsive, Aware.” (4:147)
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"If you are grateful and believe."
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“What concern hath Allah for your punishment if ye are thankful (for His mercies) and believe (in Him)? Allah was ever Responsive, Aware.” (4:147)
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Furthermore, a wise man
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who possesses qualities like those of Abu Zar'—
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it is unthinkable that he would toy with divorce,
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especially with a woman he lived with
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and had children with.
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If a wise man
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like Abu Zar' divorces his wife,
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it is expected that he divorced her for a grave matter
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within himself that he did not disclose.
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This is the nature of men:
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they rarely complain about marital troubles,
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unlike a woman,
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who quickly complains about her husband
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at the very first disagreement.
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We will continue in a future gathering, Allah willing.
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And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.