Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 13 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (13) | Hitting a woman has a reaction
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Categories of Men in the Hadith of Umm Zar'
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A Wife's Reaction to Being Struck
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In the previous talk, I addressed the first point regarding striking:
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namely, its permissibility alongside the preference of avoiding it.
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And now for the second point:
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when does striking serve as a disciplinary measure?
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Striking is a disciplinary measure
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stipulated by the Qur'an for dealing with a recalcitrant wife,
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and stipulated by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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regarding training a child to pray
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once they reach the age of ten and do not pray.
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Yet this striking is of no avail unless it adheres to
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the legal conditions governing the manner of striking
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and when it may be used.
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Whenever a man violates the conditions of this measure
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in disciplining his wife,
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no benefit can be expected from it;
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rather, the woman's reaction is expected to turn out
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contrary to what the man desires and hopes for.
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The husband faces two scenarios:
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The first scenario is that he abides
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by what the Sharia has prescribed regarding the manner of striking
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and the stage at which it is employed,
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following the steps that precede striking,
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such as admonition and forsaking them in bed,
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should the woman persist in her recalcitrance;
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although it remains better not to resort to striking,
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following the example of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
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As stated in the hadith of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her),
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she said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never struck
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anything at all with his hand,
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neither a woman nor a servant,
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except when fighting in the cause of Allah.
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Nor was he ever harmed in any way and sought retribution
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against the perpetrator, unless one of the
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sacred bounds of Allah was violated, in which case he took retribution
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for the sake of Allah, the Almighty and Majestic." Narrated
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by Muslim. Imam al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"This indicates that striking a wife, a servant,
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or an animal, even if permissible for disciplinary purposes,
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is better avoided."
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As for the wife's reaction toward such a righteous husband,
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it falls into two cases:
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The first is if she is righteous, sensible,
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and fears Allah Almighty;
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she is then expected to return to her senses,
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obey her husband, and abandon her recalcitrance.
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The second is that she persists in recalcitrance,
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even after being struck.
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This may be due to one of two reasons:
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The first reason is that she detests him,
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is forced to remain with him,
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and is pressured by those around her,
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such as her family and friends.
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Thus, she is wronged and finds no one to support her,
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even though the Sharia grants her the right to *khul'* (no-fault divorce).
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So she may ransom herself with what he gave her
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of the bridal gift (mahr) and divorce herself,
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as in the story of the wife of Thabit ibn Qays.
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On the authority of Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both),
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he said: "The wife of Thabit ibn Qays came
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to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
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and said: 'O Messenger of Allah,
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I do not reproach Thabit
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in his religious commitment or character,
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but I cannot bear to live with him.'
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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
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'Will you return his orchard to him?'
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She said: 'Yes.'" Narrated by al-Bukhari.
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If a woman possesses valid
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legal grounds for *khul'*,
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she is permitted to request a *khul'* divorce,
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and a sensible man ought to accept the compensation from her
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and not force her into a life she does not desire.
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The second reason is that the woman
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is influenced by feminist ideology,
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which calls upon her to rebel against the man
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and against the teachings of Islam,
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granting her absolute freedom
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to act upon whatever her desires dictate,
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while humiliating the man and undermining his authority.
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The counsel for the husband here
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is to employ the divine guidance
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in dealing with this type of woman,
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as stated in His words, the Exalted:
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﴾O you who have believed,
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it is not lawful for you to treat them with harshness in order to take away
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a part of what you have given them,
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unless they commit a clear immorality.﴿
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Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"It is not permissible for a man to constrain a woman
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by mistreating and pressuring her
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so that she surrenders part of her bridal gift,
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nor may he strike her for that purpose.
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However, if she commits a clear immorality,
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he may constrain her so that she ransoms herself from him,
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and he may strike her.
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This is between the man and Allah."
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So what is the immorality that permits a man
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to compel her to seek *khul'*
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and return the bridal gift?
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Ibn Jarir (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"The most appropriate interpretation of His words,
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﴾Unless they commit a clear immorality,﴿
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is that it refers to any obscenity, such as foulness
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of tongue directed against her husband,
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harming him, or committing unlawful sexual intercourse.
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That is because Allah, Exalted is His praise,
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encompassed through His words,
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﴾Unless they commit a clear immorality,﴿
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every manifest and evident obscenity."
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The corruption of a woman's religious commitment through feminist ideology
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is most intolerable to a protective husband.
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For feminist ideology
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urges the woman to rebel against the man
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in every conceivable manner,
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inciting her to go out displaying her adornments and wearing perfume,
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and encouraging her to freely mix with men
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in workplaces, cafes, parties, and elsewhere,
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even if the husband does not approve of it.
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The second scenario
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is when the man exceeds the legal limits in striking,
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beating the woman severely
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in violation of the command of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
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The woman's reaction
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in this situation
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is to seek divorce on grounds of harm inflicted upon her
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by this husband.
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Yet the concern is that this woman's reaction might turn
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in a direction that violates the Sharia,
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because of this husband's violent treatment of her,
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leading her to attribute her husband's misconduct to Islam.
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Then the promoters of misguidance seize upon her—
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those who advocate the destruction of families—
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to use her as an argument for prohibiting the striking of women
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entirely and unconditionally,
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and to call for adopting Western frameworks,
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such as their domestic violence laws and the like.
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Muhammad Rashid Rida (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"Some of those who blindly imitate the Westerners act arrogantly,
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decrying the permissibility of disciplining a recalcitrant wife,
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while they do not deem it outrageous that she rebels and exalts herself over him,
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turning him, though he is the head of the household, into a subordinate—
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or rather, an object of contempt!
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She persists in her recalcitrance,
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neither softening at his admonition and counsel,
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nor caring about his turning away and forsaking her.
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I do not know how they propose to remedy such recalcitrant wives,
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or what counsel they offer to their husbands.
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Perhaps they imagine a frail, slender,
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refined, and well-mannered woman
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oppressed by a coarse, harsh man
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who feeds his whip with her tender flesh
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and drenches it in her flowing blood,
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claiming that Allah Almighty permitted him
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such a manner of beating,
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and fabricating accusations against her when she is innocent of any fault,
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as is frequently done by hard-hearted,
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callous men of rigid temperament.
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Far be it from Allah to permit such injustice
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or to be pleased with it!
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Indeed, among men there is the haughty and harsh oppressor
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who wrongs a woman out of pure aggression;
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numerous hadiths have been transmitted regarding the counsel to treat women well
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in rebuke of men like him,
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and what applies to them is what the Qur'anic verse
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prescribed regarding arbitration.
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Likewise, among women there are
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the spiteful, defiant, and insolent wives
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who despise their husbands,
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deny their favors,
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defy them out of vanity and obstinacy,
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and burden them beyond their endurance.
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So what corruption would occur on earth
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if a pious, noble man is permitted
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to curb the arrogance of such a woman
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and bring down her haughty pride
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with a light strike to her hand
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or a light slap aimed at her neck?
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Even many of their Western leaders
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beat their educated, sophisticated wives,
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as well as those who are clothed yet naked,
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seductively swaying and leading others astray.
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This is practiced by their philosophers, their scholars,
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their kings, and their princes;
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it is a necessity indispensable even to those who go to extremes
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in honoring those educated women.
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How then can its permissibility out of necessity be denounced
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in a universal religion meant for both bedouins and urban dwellers,
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encompassing all categories of humanity?"
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So take heed, dear husband,
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of the consequences of your actions with your wife;
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adhere to wisdom in resolving your marital issues,
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and consult the people of knowledge,
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for you will never fail to find goodness in seeking counsel.
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We shall continue in a future session, if Allah wills.
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And all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of all worlds.