Part of The Hadith of Umm Zar' (series completed)
· Lesson 11 of 25
Types of men in the hadith of Umm Zara’ | Episode (11) | My husband encouraged you, fell you, or combined both for you
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Categories of Husbands in the Hadith of Umm Zar'
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"My husband wounds the head, breaks the bone, or combines all of them against you."
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The discussion continues regarding the suffering of the seventh woman with her husband,
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whom she described by saying:
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"He wounds your head, breaks your bone, or combines all of them against you."
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This category of men is violent toward his wife,
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frequently beating her,
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and he often combines with hitting other reprehensible traits,
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such as harshness, rudeness, quick and severe anger,
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along with a lack of wisdom in handling matters.
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Hitting a wife is one of the topics where imbalance has occurred
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in terms of understanding and practice among some people.
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Some of them completely reject and deny hitting altogether,
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while others misapply the hitting
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and exceed the bounds of Islamic law regarding it.
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Yet among them are those whose insight Allah has enlightened,
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who resort to hitting, if needed, strictly within the limits of Islamic law.
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The reason for people's differing attitudes toward a man hitting his wife
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lies in the concepts each group holds
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and the prevalent cultural norms in society.
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To rectify these concepts,
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we need to address the subject from several angles.
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First: Lawful hitting.
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Allah Almighty said:
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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
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"And as for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them, forsake them in bed, and strike them;
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but if they obey you, seek no means against them."
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“Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.” (4:34)
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This is the verse that some people have misunderstood
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in all its detailed themes,
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such as the husband's guardianship over his wife,
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his right to discipline her, the stages of discipline, and so forth.
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It speaks of two types of women:
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The first type is the righteous woman,
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whom Allah praised in the verse and whose characteristics He clarified.
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The second type is the rebellious woman (nashiz),
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regarding whom He explained how to remedy her rebellion.
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The stages of discipline are not applied to the righteous woman,
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because she is righteous and not rebellious.
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A righteous woman like this is merely reminded if she forgets or errs in heedlessness,
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and that suffices her due to the faith Allah has placed in her heart.
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So if your wife is of this type, noble man,
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it is unlawful for you to hit her.
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But if she is of the second type, the rebellious one,
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do not rush through the stages
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and jump directly to hitting,
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for Allah has commanded you otherwise.
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Al-Tahir ibn Ashur (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"His saying: 'admonish them, forsake them in bed, and strike them'
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intends an ordered sequence,
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as dictated by the order of their mention,
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along with the obvious fact that combining all three at once is not intended.
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An ordered sequence is the default and immediate understanding of conjunction with 'and'."
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Sa'id ibn Jubayr said:
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"He admonishes her; if she complies, [it ends], otherwise he forsakes her;
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if she complies, [it ends], otherwise he strikes her."
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But what kind of hitting is he permitted to use in disciplining her?
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The scholars are unanimously agreed that this hitting is for discipline
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and not a strike of torture or harm.
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Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"His saying: 'and strike them'
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means: if they are not deterred by admonition nor by forsaking,
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then you may strike them with a non-severe strike,
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as is established in Sahih Muslim
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on the authority of Jabir from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him),
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and as he said in the Farewell Pilgrimage:
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'Fear Allah concerning women,
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for they are like captives before you.
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Your right over them is that they do not permit anyone you dislike to step on your furnishings.
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But if they do so, strike them with a strike that is not severe,
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and they have the right to their provision and clothing according to what is customary.'
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And likewise said Ibn Abbas and many others:
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'A strike that is not severe.'
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Al-Hasan al-Basri said:
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'Meaning it leaves no mark.'
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The jurists said:
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'It means he must not break a bone in her,
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nor leave any mark upon her.'
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If the scholars' discussion on the nature of this hitting is
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that it is a light blow that leaves no mark on her,
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then what is the purpose of hitting?
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Whoever knows women well
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knows that a woman is affected psychologically
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and may weep bitterly
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if her husband strikes her with this light blow—
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not because she is physically in pain,
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but because she feels a loss of her standing
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with the one who struck her.
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It also signifies another matter:
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namely, that the one who struck her
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is capable of taking steps she dislikes,
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such as divorce or taking a second wife.
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So if after this light strike
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she still possesses a living heart,
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the expectation is that she will abandon her rebellion,
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return to her husband, and obey him.
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Thereby the family is saved
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from disintegration and rupture through her good sense.
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Muhammad Abu Zahrah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"The third remedy for rebellion
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is hitting, which is the most severe of them,
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and it is not resorted to
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except upon the failure of the previous two remedies.
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It is established that lawful hitting
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occurs when marital life reaches
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a stage where rebellion and separation are feared.
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The Sunnah has restricted it with two conditions:
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first, that it be non-severe;
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and second, that it be non-disfiguring,
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by not hitting the face,
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as explicitly stated in the Sunnah."
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Ibn Abbas was asked
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about the non-severe strike,
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and he said: "It is striking with a siwak (toothstick) or the like."
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This is the lawful striking;
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it is a symbolic gesture showing that discipline was warranted,
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rather than an actual beating.
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Al-Tahir ibn Ashur (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"It appears that the permission to strike
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is to address delicate circumstances between spouses;
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thus the husband was permitted to strike his wife a strike of reform
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aimed at restoring marital cohabitation between them.
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If he exceeds what the state of her rebellion warrants,
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he is a transgressor."
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These delicate circumstances the scholars speak of
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are a woman's defiance of the man
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and acting haughtily toward him in various ways,
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which humiliates the man
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and undermines his authority in the home.
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The most severe of this on a man's psyche
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is what the rebellious wife does in front of his children,
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causing the children to rebel against him because of her.
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Muhammad Rashid Rida (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
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"Furthermore, most of the jurists
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who specifically restricted the legal rebellion
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that permits hitting—
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if needed to eliminate it—
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to a few acts,
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such as defying the man in bed
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and leaving the home without an excuse,
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and some of whom considered her refusing beautification
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when he requests it to be rebellion,
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and stated that he may also strike her
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for abandoning religious obligations
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such as ritual washing and prayer—
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the apparent meaning is that rebellion is broader,
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encompassing every act of defiance
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rooted in haughtiness and refusal.
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This is supported by His saying:
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'But if they obey you,
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seek no means against them.'"
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Thus, we are faced with two choices and no third
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in dealing with a rebellious wife
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with whom
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neither admonition nor forsaking has worked:
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either we permit the man
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to employ what Allah has made permissible
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for him of light striking
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that disciplines the woman
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and restores her to good sense,
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or the family is shattered
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through the destruction of the man's authority
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or by divorce.
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We will continue in an upcoming session, if Allah wills.
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And praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.