Part of Riyad as-Salihin — Gardens of the Righteous (series completed)
· Lesson 40 of 190
Riyadh Al-Salehin | Episode (50) | Chapter on honoring one’s parents and maintaining family ties (2)
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Transcript
Machine translation — may contain errors
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*Riyad al-Salihin* (The Meadows of the Righteous) from the words of the Master of the Messengers, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.
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Chapter on Dutifulness to Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship.
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On the authority of 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As, may Allah be pleased with them both,
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from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said:
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"The one who maintains ties of kinship is not the one who merely reciprocates,
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but the one who maintains them when his kinship ties are severed."
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Related by al-Bukhari.
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"The one who maintains ties" (*al-wasil*) means the one who fulfills complete upholding of ties with his family and relatives.
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"The reciprocator" (*al-mukafi'*) is the one who merely responds in kind to their upholding of ties and benevolence.
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Among the benefits of the hadith:
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A Muslim must initiate maintaining ties of kinship and remain steadfast in doing so,
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even if his good treatment is not met with benevolence.
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The obligation of making deeds purely sincere for Allah's sake,
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even if no immediate worldly benefit comes from them,
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for they are an everlasting good in the Hereafter.
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Being mistreated should not cause a Muslim to withhold good from the one who mistreats him.
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The legally recognized upholding of kinship ties in the Shariah
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is that you maintain ties with whoever cuts you off, pardon whoever wrongs you,
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and give to whoever deprives you,
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not merely maintaining ties based on equal exchange and reciprocation.
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Yet if mutual reciprocation occurs among relatives without prior expectation or demanding it,
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that is the grace of Allah, which He bestows upon whom He wills,
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and Allah is the Possessor of immense grace.
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On the authority of 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), who said:
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"The womb (kinship) is suspended from the Throne, saying:
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'Whoever maintains me, Allah will maintain ties with him;
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and whoever severs me, Allah will sever ties with him.'"
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Agreed upon.
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On the authority of the Mother of the Believers, Maymunah bint al-Harith (may Allah be pleased with her),
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that she emancipated a slave girl
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without seeking permission from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
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When it was her day for him to visit her,
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she said: "Did you realize, O Messenger of Allah,
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that I have emancipated my slave girl?"
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He said: "Did you really do so?"
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She replied: "Yes."
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He said: "Lo, had you given her to your maternal uncles, it would have been greater for your reward."
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Agreed upon.
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"Did you realize" (*ash'arta*) means "did you know."
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"A slave girl" (*walidah*) means a female servant/slave.
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Among the benefits of the hadith:
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It is permissible for a wife to independently dispose of her own wealth.
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A man visits his wives in turn on their allotted day,
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listening to their affairs during the time apportioned to them.
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Among the means of strengthening the marital bond
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is that a woman informs her husband of what she has done
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or what she desires to do.
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Giving charity to relatives is superior and yields a greater reward,
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because it is both charity and the upholding of kinship ties.
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A Muslim should seek guidance from the people of knowledge and remembrance
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so as to place matters in their proper perspective
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or to attain a greater good.
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On the authority of Asma' bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with them both), who said:
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"My mother came to visit me while she was still a polytheist,
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during the era of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
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So I sought a religious verdict from the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),
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saying: 'My mother has come to visit me, hoping for benevolence;
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should I maintain ties with my mother?' He replied: 'Yes, maintain ties with your mother.'" Agreed upon.
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Her saying "hoping" (*raghibah*) means hoping to receive something from me and asking me for it.
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It is said that she was her biological mother, and it is said she was her foster mother; the first view is the correct one.
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"During the era of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)"
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refers to his treaty with the polytheists of Quraysh at al-Hudaybiyyah.
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Among the benefits of the hadith:
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The permissibility of being dutiful to polytheist parents,
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as long as they are not combatants at war.
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The obligation of asking the people of remembrance
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when the inquirer does not know the ruling.
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For this reason, Asma' verified the matter of her religion.
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It contains an indication that knowledge precedes speech and action.
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The permissibility of entering into a truce with combatants
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and interacting with them during the period of armistice.
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On the authority of Zaynab al-Thaqafiyyah,
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the wife of 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him and with her,
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who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"Give charity, O assembly of women,
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even if it be from your jewelry."
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She said: "So I returned to 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud and said to him:
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'You are a man of limited means,
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and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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has commanded us to give charity.
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Go to him and ask him;
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if this suffices on my behalf, [I will give it to you,]
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otherwise, I will direct it to someone else.'
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'Abdullah said:
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'Rather, you go to him yourself.'
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So I set out,
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and there was a woman from the Ansar at the door of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),
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her need being the exact same as mine.
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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was endowed with an aura of awe-inspiring dignity.
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Then Bilal came out to us,
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and we said to him:
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'Go to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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and inform him that two women at the door are asking you:
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"Does it suffice as charity on their behalf to spend on their husbands
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and on orphans under their guardianship?"
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But do not tell him who we are.'
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So Bilal entered upon the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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and asked him.
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The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) asked him:
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'Who are they?'
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He replied:
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'A woman from the Ansar and Zaynab.'
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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'Which of the Zaynabs?'
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He replied:
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'The wife of 'Abdullah.'
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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'They will have two rewards:
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the reward of kinship and the reward of charity.'"
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Agreed upon.
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"A man of limited means" (*khafif dhat al-yad*)
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means having little wealth.
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"Awe-inspiring dignity" (*al-mahabah*)
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means revered majesty and veneration.
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"Under their guardianship" (*fi hujurihima*)
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means under their custody and care.
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Among the benefits of the hadith:
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The permissibility of giving charity,
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even if it is the obligatory zakat,
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to one's husband and children
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whose financial maintenance is not legally obligatory upon the payer of zakat,
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such as a wife giving to her family.
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The permissibility of a woman leaving her home for a legitimate need
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and to ask about matters of her religion.
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Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon both Muslim men and Muslim women.
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The obligation to ask the people of knowledge and remembrance
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if the inquirer does not know the ruling.
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The permissibility of a woman holding independent wealth apart from her husband,
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even if he is poor and in need.
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Charity given to relatives earns two rewards:
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that of charity and that of upholding kinship ties.
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The permissibility of the mufti asking
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the questioner seeking a verdict for his or her name,
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and inquiring into their identity.
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Whoever feels shy when asking a question
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may inform another person of what they wish to inquire about,
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so that he may convey it to the scholar,
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and then receive the answer back from him.
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On the authority of Abu Sufyan,
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Sakhr ibn Harb (may Allah be pleased with him),
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in his long hadith concerning the story of Heraclius,
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wherein Heraclius said to Abu Sufyan:
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"What does he command you to do?"
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meaning the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
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He said: "I replied: 'He says:
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"Worship Allah alone,
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“And serve Allah. Ascribe no thing as partner unto Him. (Show) kindness unto parents, and unto near kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and unto the neighbour who is of kin (unto you) and the neighbour who is not of kin, and the fellow-traveller and the wayfarer and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. Lo! Allah loveth not such as are proud and boastful,” (4:36)
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and abandon what your forefathers say."
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And he commands us with prayer, truthfulness,
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chastity, and upholding ties of kinship.'"
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Agreed upon.
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On the authority of Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
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The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
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"You will conquer a land in which the *qirat* is mentioned."
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And in another narration:
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"You will conquer Egypt,
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and it is a land wherein the *qirat* is used as a unit of measure.
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So treat its people well,
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for they possess a covenant of protection (*dhimmah*) and ties of kinship (*rahim*)."
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And in another narration:
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"When you conquer it, treat its people with kindness,
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for they possess a covenant of protection and ties of kinship,"
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or he said:
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"a covenant of protection and ties through marriage (*sihr*)."
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Related by Muslim.
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The scholars said:
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The kinship (*rahim*) they possess
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is because Hajar, the mother of Isma'il (peace be upon him), was from among them;
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and the ties through marriage (*sihr*)
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are because Mariyah, the mother of Ibrahim, the son of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), was from among them.
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The *qirat*
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is half a *daniq*,
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and a *daniq* is one-sixth of a dirham.
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*Dhimmah* means a sacred right and inviolability.
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*Sihr*
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means in-laws / the household of one's wife.
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Among the benefits of the hadith:
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A miracle of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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in his foretelling that his Ummah would conquer Egypt.
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The leader should enjoin upon the army the consciousness of Allah
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and forbidding corruption in the land.
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This was indeed the practice of the Rightly-Guided Caliphs after the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).
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Islam came as a mercy to the worlds,
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calling them to worship Allah alone.
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Thus the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
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enjoined the Muslim army to treat the people of Egypt with kindness.
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The recommendation of being benevolent to relatives, kin, and in-laws,
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even if they are polytheists,
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so long as they do not wage war against Allah and His Messenger.
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The concept of kinship (*rahim*) is broader than just immediate relatives;
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for what is meant by kinship here
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is Hajar, the mother of Isma'il, peace and blessings be upon him.
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Maternal relations are included within the overarching concept of kinship.
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On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
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When this verse was revealed:
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◁ And warn your closest kindred ▷,
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the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) called Quraysh,
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So they gathered, and he addressed them generally and specifically,
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and said:
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"O Banu 'Abd Shams!
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O Banu Ka'b ibn Lu'ayy!
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Save yourselves from the Fire!
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O Banu Murrah ibn Ka'b!
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Save yourselves from the Fire!
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O Banu 'Abd Manaf!
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Save yourselves from the Fire!
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O Banu Hashim!
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Save yourselves from the Fire!
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O Banu 'Abd al-Muttalib!
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Save yourselves from the Fire!
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O Fatimah!
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Save yourself from the Fire!
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For indeed, I cannot avail you anything against Allah,
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except that you have ties of kinship which I will moisten by upholding them."
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Narrated by Muslim.
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His saying, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him:
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"By upholding them (bi-balaliha),"
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"al-balal" means water (moisture).
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And the meaning of the hadith is:
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"I will maintain ties with them."
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Severing kinship is likened to burning heat that is extinguished with water,
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and kinship is cooled and refreshed by maintaining it.
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Among the lessons of the hadith:
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Recompense in the Hereafter is based solely on faith and righteous deeds,
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and kinship and lineage will be of no avail.
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The obligation of upholding ties of kinship and caring for relatives,
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and striving to reform them and guide them toward good.
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Severing ties of kinship is a fire that fuels envy, rancor, and hatred in this world,
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and brings a painful punishment in the Hereafter.
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Therefore, it ought to be moistened with its moisture,
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which is the upholding of those ties,
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that extinguishes grudges and dispels hardships.
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The foremost duty of a caller to Allah
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is to warn his family and then his closest kinsfolk,
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because they are more deserving of good than others,
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followed by those closest to them,
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so that goodness may encompass all people.
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An explanation that a man's clan consists of the people of his town and his tribe.
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Whoever wishes to warn a people should address them collectively,
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and then specify them by their names,
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for mentioning specific names has a greater impact on the soul.
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The caller to Allah ought to
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show the people his deep love for them and his concern for their well-being,
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and his fear regarding their ultimate fate.
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And on the authority of Abu 'Abdullah 'Amr ibn al-'As (may Allah be pleased with him and his father), who said:
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I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) openly, not secretly, saying:
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"Indeed, the family of so-and-so are not my allies;
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rather, my ally is Allah and the righteous believers.
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But they have ties of kinship which I will moisten by upholding them."
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Agreed upon,
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and the wording is that of al-Bukhari.
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"My ally" means my supporter whom I take as a protector and friend in all matters.
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Among the lessons of the hadith:
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There is no loyalty or alliance of faith between a Muslim and a disbeliever,
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even though it is permissible to maintain ties with a polytheistic relative who is non-belligerent.
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The brotherhood of faith and the bond of Islam are greater than the bonds of blood, lineage, and worldly interest.
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The Muslims are allies and protectors of one another.
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The kinship that one is commanded to uphold and warned against severing
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is that which Allah has legislated as such.
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As for those whom Allah has commanded to sever ties with for the sake of religion,
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they are exempted from this,
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and the threat of punishment does not apply to the one who severs ties with them.
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And on the authority of Abu Ayyub,
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Khalid ibn Zayd al-Ansari (may Allah be pleased with him),
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that a man said: "O Messenger of Allah,
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inform me of a deed that will admit me into Paradise and distance me from the Fire."
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The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
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"Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him,
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establish prayer,
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pay zakat,
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and uphold ties of kinship."
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Agreed upon.
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Among the lessons of the hadith:
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Monotheism (Tawhid), establishing prayer, paying zakat,
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and upholding ties of kinship
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are among the causes that necessitate entry into Paradise and salvation from the Fire.
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Knowledge of good is attained through learning.
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Knowledge cannot be acquired except by seeking it,
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and the first step is asking questions.
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And on the authority of Salman ibn 'Amir (may Allah be pleased with him),
16:40
from the Prophet (peace be upon him), who said:
16:44
"When one of you breaks their fast,
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let them break it with dates,
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for indeed they are a blessing.
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But if one finds no dates,
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then with water,
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for indeed it is purifying."
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And he said:
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"Charity given to the poor is mere charity,
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while given to a relative it serves two purposes:
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charity and upholding kinship ties."
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Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
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Among the lessons of the hadith:
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It is recommended to break the fast with dates,
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and whoever finds none, then with water,
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and this is authentically established from the practice of the Prophet (peace be upon him).
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Charity and benevolence toward relatives yield a multiplied reward,
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because they combine both charity and the upholding of kinship ties.
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And on the authority of Ibn 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him and his father), who said:
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"I had a wife
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whom I loved,
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but 'Umar disliked her,
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so he said to me:
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'Divorce her.'
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But I refused.
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So 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) went to the Prophet (peace be upon him)
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and mentioned that to him,
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whereupon the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
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'Divorce her.'"
17:58
Narrated by Abu Dawud and al-Tirmidhi.
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Among the lessons of the hadith:
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The obligation to obey one's father in matters that Islam requires of him.
18:11
The permissibility of disliking a Muslim man or woman
18:14
due to the presence of a blameworthy trait in them,
18:17
provided that this dislike does not exceed that specific trait.
18:21
The obligation to obey one's father
18:25
when he commands something sanctioned by the religion.
18:28
Ibn 'Umar loved his wife with natural affection,
18:32
while 'Umar disliked her
18:35
for a religious reason;
18:37
hence, he commanded him to divorce her,
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and the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) endorsed him in that
18:44
and commanded Ibn 'Umar to obey his father in divorcing her.
18:48
Had 'Umar been unjust toward her,
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the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would not have agreed with him on that.
18:56
And on the authority of Abu al-Darda' (may Allah be pleased with him),
19:01
that a man came to him and said:
19:04
"I have a wife, and my mother commands me to divorce her."
19:09
So he said:
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"I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say:
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'The parent is the middle gate of Paradise;
19:18
so if you wish, forfeit that gate, or preserve it.'"
19:23
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
19:26
"The middle gate of Paradise"
19:29
means the best of its gates.
19:32
Among the lessons of the hadith:
19:34
Dutifulness to parents is a means of entering Paradise and having its gates opened.
19:40
Pleasing parents takes precedence over pleasing one's wife.
19:45
Whoever loves something,
19:48
and his parents—or one of them—asks him to leave it,
19:52
and he grieves over it,
19:54
then the foremost thing he should do
19:56
is to consult the people of knowledge.
19:59
And on the authority of al-Bara' ibn 'Azib (may Allah be pleased with him and his father),
20:04
from the Prophet (peace be upon him), who said:
20:08
"The maternal aunt is in the position of the mother."
20:11
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.
20:13
Among the lessons of the hadith:
20:17
The maternal aunt is like the mother
20:19
in terms of affection toward her sister's children,
20:22
and she is likewise regarding their custody.
20:25
The obligation to honor the maternal aunt and treat her with benevolence,
20:29
just as a servant of Allah treats his mother with benevolence.
20:32
The maternal aunt takes precedence over the paternal aunt in custody.
20:37
This hadith specifically pertains to custody,
20:40
and there is no evidence in it for those who claim that the maternal aunt inherits,
20:44
simply because the mother inherits.
20:47
Riyad al-Salihin.